China Stamps on Christian Worship

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Scores of Chinese Protestants were arrested on Easter Sunday as they tried to gather for an al fresco church service in Beijing - and stand accused of being part of a radical religious cult bent on overthrowing the dystopic Big Brother government of the Peoples’ Marxist Utopia.

The Beijing-based Minister for Brainwashing, Mr Flip Flop Fong, a senior member of the geriatric-ridden Politburo, told gutter press hacks that “Last week it was the radical heavy metal pop group Falun and the Gongs stirring up political dissent. Now we have Reverend Fuk Yew Tu and his ‘Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’, the there’s that Father Sum Dum Fuk and his ‘Church of What’s Happening Now’ – and then we get these Pancake Tuesday Adventists who don’t have a chapel to pray in so they congregated in the parks last Sunday to worship a heathen chocolate rabbit idol they call the Easter Bunny.”

Ms Sue Doku, of the US-based Christian China Aid Association, told one journalist from the Thought Police Gazette that the crackdown on Christian worship had taken on a sinister repressive turn over Easter with worshippers caught in possession of a ‘lucky’ (sic) rabbit’s foot or a Cadbury’s chocolate cream egg being arbitrarily arrested and placed in criminal detention at Beijing’s notorious Smiley Face Transplant Organ Donor Prison.

However this repression is widespread across the length and breadth of China – and into Buddhist Tibet also – and while China's constitution guarantees freedom of religious worship the incumbent Communist regime simply cannot afford to brook any tolerance of a belief system, whether religious or political, that might pose an interrogative challenge to their flawed Marxist ideology.

Just last week Chinese police from the infamous Thug Squad raided a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in Lhasa, killing two monks and maiming several more, following the barbaric example set by Saudi Arabian troops currently deployed in Bahrain to suppress civil liberties and pro-democracy protests.
Apparently tensions have been high since a Lhasa monk, Wonton Willie Wu, set himself on fire with decaffeinated petrol last month in protest against fuel price hikes.

Speaking to one press hack from the Barbarians Gazette, the Minister for Discipline, Genghis Pak Lunch pronounced “What have these Tibetan whingers to complain or demonstrate about? They are all part of the People’s Marxist Utopia of China now – and that’s as good as it gets.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.