Scameron Gives UK ‘Worse Off Wednesday’

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well, April 6th - aka Black Wednesday - might be a pain in the proverbial wallet for a lot of families with a couple of young sprogs who are suffering the tribulations of unemployment – and perhaps homelessness too - and who’ve just had the bollocks gutted out of their social welfare benefit allowances – those kindly bestowed by our late Labour government – in the Libservative’s fatally flawed draconic £110 billion quid’s worth of austerity measures scheme.

However, at least with this novel ‘transparency in government’ policy we now know where the money’s gone - £650 zillion quid gifted yesterday to Pakistan’s shithouse education system by Slime Minister Posh Dave Scameron – while ironically the UK’s university fees are being hiked by 200% to £9,000 nicker per annum.

So, Scameron’s in Pakiland, playing Lady Bountiful with the taxpayers’ money yet again – yesterday vowing to dole out hundreds of millions of pounds - plus vital military secrets - to the corrupt kleptocracy that comprises the Paki’ government, to make amends for offending the Muslim nation last year and causing a ‘storm in a pisspot’ diplomatic rift by getting a bit too close to the truth when he accused President Ras al Shitbag and his ISI military intelligence service of being a bunch of cunts for looking the other way where the Taliban and terrorism were concerned.

Thus, we’ve got the Cabbage Patch Kid pledging to invest (read ‘give/squander’) £650 zillion quid in Pakistani schools at a time when our education budget at home is in the process of being boned of flesh by that Old Etonian clot Georgie Osborne. Plus Scameron intends to mandate the MoD to supply the Pak’s with technical and military aid to boot. What the fuck goes on here, we might well ask - they’ve already got a nasty arsenal of thermonuclear weapons that Professor Abdul Qadeer Khan built for them.

Apparently Scameron has promised to provide access to highly sensitive military technology to the Paki security services – the ISI - to combat IED roadside bombs. The very same ISI who were complicit with Mossad in the WTC 9/11 attacks and who are further responsible for funding and arming the Taliban.
So, they get this technology and then pass it onto the Mohammed Ka-Boom Jolly Jihad College for Latter Day Martyrs in Peshawar and they know how British troops detect IEDs – enabling them to re-configure their booby traps to get round it and construct more effective improvised explosive devices.

This moronic technology deal is viewed by British military mandarins as a huge gamble with the lives of British troops in Afghanistan concerning justifiable fears that the hard line Islamic fundamentalists and anti-imperialist factions of the Pakistani intelligence service, the ISI, will, without a moment’s hesitation, pass on details to the Taliban to counter the detection technology and build undetectable IEDs.

Hmmm, one is left pondering who’s advising Posh Dave to adopt this ‘order into chaos’ foreign relations policy – Wallace & Gromit or Wiley T Coyote – or is he receiving e-mail suggestions directly from the Institute for Smiley Face Shaheed Suicide Bombers in Kandahar?

This huge cash injection of £650 zillion quid for schools by Westminster’s Department for International Development will make Pakiland the UK’s biggest recipient of overseas aid – and actually in line to receive more than the families ear-marked as recipients for Mick Clogg’s ‘social mobility and child poverty’ scheme – kick started earlier this week – before Scameron gave away all the money in the kitty.

Ignoring the absolute irony of Scameron’s lack of common sense thinking, his ‘gift’ - on behalf of reluctant British taxpayers - is designed to get four million snotty-nosed Paki’ kids into the classroom – as seventeen million currently get no schooling whatsoever.
This is due to the fact the Paki government spends just 1.5% of its national income on schools but has no problems placing multi-billion-pound orders for half a dozen Chinese submarines and three dozen Sudoku jet fighter aircraft to boost their military capabilities and ensure the continuation of their political elite
Brahmin class while keeping the common herd illiterate and their collective IQs well below three figures and in blissful ignorance to their socio-economic plight.

Scameron, who was accompanied on his one-day visit by the Tory party chairman, the Muslim Baroness Seedy Warthog, of Pakistani origin herself, artfully dodged questions from gutter press hacks - by feigning a fault with his hearing aid - about whether he could guarantee that the ISI will not hand the anti-IED technology to the Taliban or that the £650 zillion quid in education funding won’t be pumped into Islamic madrassas peddling extremism.

Perhaps they'd have been better off asking: does the Pope shit in the woods? - or does a bear wear a big hat?

Thought for the day: Don’t dwell too much on ‘Black Wednesday’ as we’re now facing ‘Blacker Thursday’s’, ‘Fucked up Friday’s’, ‘Worse Off Saturday’s’, ‘Scrimp n Save Sunday’s’, ‘ Mingin Miserly Monday’s’ and ‘Tossed-Off Tuesday’s as a result of the emasculating cuts to social welfare benefits, expenses and wages – juxtaposed with massive tax, excise duty and VAT increases.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.