Voodoo Gangs Target Albino Gollys

Trials have started in the Tanzania capital of Dodoma of thirteen people – known colloquially as the ‘Voodoo Dozen’ – who stand accused of murdering scores of albino bambinos and selling their body parts for use in witchcraft and cordon bleu cookery.

More than two hundred albinos – both adult and infant - have gone missing and believe killed there in the last nine months.

Witchdoctors sell their albino potions for what police spokesman PC Jeremiah Thugarotti termed as ‘lots and lots of money’ claiming they bring prosperity and good fortune – to the potion takers – not the albinos.

Powerful businessmen – such as the African directors of Smell Oil and Rio Bimbo Mining – and high ranking police officials and judges - are believed to be among the clients driving the trade. Scores of people have been arrested, but none convicted so far.

Human rights organisations have expressed shock it has taken so long for these high profile trials around the country to ever get into court.

However the Daily Shitraker’s East Africa correspondent Guido Fuctifino claims the justice system in Tanzania is notoriously slow and corrupt and more of an actual ‘injustice system’ typical of Third World shitholes where justice works for the benefit of the wealthy oligarchs and to the detriment of the multitudes of landless peasants it was meant to serve.

Prejudice against albinos, known as ‘honky niggers’, is widespread in Africa, but ritual killings in such numbers is a new phenomenon driven by a high demand market for good luck fetishes, charms and potions since the world’s banksters kick-started the long-overdue global recession.

Both adults and children have been attacked in their homes, hacked to death or had their throats cut, as each pale white body - blood included - part can be worth thousands of dollars.

The number of attacks has increased in recent months with the country's albino population living in a state of shit-scared fear, with many spending most of their pittance level salaries in tanning parlours or on Bisto gravy browning.

When an albino in Tanzania is lucky enough to live to a ripe old age and dies naturally their grave has to be concreted over to deter grave robbers from digging the body up for recycling by witch doctors.

The Tanzanian government, always first with a finger on the nation’s pulse, has publicly stated its desire to end the albino slaughters.
Earlier this month President Jackalope Figbiscuit called on Tanzanians to come forward with any information they might have – as long as it didn’t involve him personally.
The President declared “Eating people isn’t nice – especially when the international press is watching.”

There are estimated to be about 17,000 albinos living in Tanzania. They lack pigment in their skin and appear white which many peasants erroneously believe can occur from drinking Tanzania’s premier Mogambo Pale Ale.

The most high-profile murder to date was that of Twatcha O’Dinga, the Tanzanian-born albino author and winner of the esteemed Shitbread Prize for his critically-acclaimed novel ‘The Life and Times of a Hard Boiled Egg’.

Police discovered the remains of O’Dinga’s body in the freezer of a Dar es Salaam-based celebrity witch doctor, Bongo Macachino, who had been selling bits off to professional gamblers to bring them luck at the casino tables.

Unsubstantiated rumours that hormone / chemically-induced albino celebrity Michael Jackson has gone missing while on a Tanzanian paedo-tour remain – er - unsubstantiated.