Asylum Seeker Repatriation a Meg-Bucks Flop

A multi-million pound scheme formulated by the UK government to help failed asylum seekers and their children return home to their Third World shithole countries of origin resulted in just one family being repatriated, according to a Whitehall report leaked to the Welfare Spongers Gazette.

This was apparently Mr & Mrs Hector McTwat and their four scallie bairns who were forcibly tossed back over Hadrian’s Wall into their native bonny Scotland's heather after covertly setting up home in a Liverpool squat and posing as scrounging Scousers to claim jobseekers allowance and DSS welfare benefits under the ‘political refugee’ asylum seekers mandate.

The pilot scheme at Smegmadale-on-Sea, operated by PFI company ‘Migrants Fuck Off’, was aimed at reducing the number of children locked up in detention centres each year while their parents were vetted for criminal associations back in their home countries.

The entire management of the scheme has been criticised by the Chief Inspector of Prisons Ms. Candida Moron – and the Children's Commissioner for England – Sir Garibaldi Glitter - as a total balls-up of Biblical proportions run by incompetent PFI project imbeciles.

UK Border Agency spokeswoman Gwatcha O’Dinga told Pox News “We am having to in-ves-tigate dese gollywog type asylum seekers who am comin’ to de UK on de false pre-ten-ces sayin’ dey am political refugees when dey is really war criminals on de run who am only after a free ride on de back of us British taxpayers.”

“So dey all get locked up wid dere kids in de immi-gration de-ten-tion centre until we can put dem on a banana boat headin back to dere country where dey am come from.”

Each year 25,000 refugee children are locked up 24/7 in immigration removal centres with their parents who have been refused asylum – which is arguably an improvement on starving to death - or simply being snuffed - by the ruling Genocidist party back home in ‘darkest wherever’.

The Home Office then stated it was committed to finding alternatives to detention and in an attempt to bring down those numbers they set up the ill-conceived one-year pilot project.

The aim was for families who had reached the end of their asylum claims to stay in grace and favour housing – or a five-star hotel -and their children would go to school locally to get awarded Asbo’s or earn GCSE’s in knife fighting and mugging while their parents went out pedalling drugs and shoplifting until the next of Ms. O’Dinga’s scheduled banana boats was heading back to the asylum seeker’s homeland.

The project, which began in November 2007, aimed to see 15,000 families pass through its doors in the first year.
But the scheme, which cost just over £50 million, dealt with just 13 families and only one repatriated – the Scottish McTwat clan.

Conversely Hymie Kuntenberg, deputy chief executive of Refugees-R-Us, maintains the PFI scheme was not a failure and said very valuable lessons were learned – to the sum of several million quid in his personal offshore tax-exempt bank account - thank you.