Monday, 1 June 2009

Snakebite Coq Au Vin off the Menu

China's health authorities are reported to be putting a stop to restaurants serving chickens that have been bitten to death by poisonous snakes.

The dish, known colloquially as ‘Terrified Rooster’ which is served by a small number of restaurants in the traditionally-barbaric southern Squawking and Clucking provinces, is billed as detoxing – for the eater – although quite fatal for the chickens involved.

This dish’s preparation has generated a storm of controversy in the media and among do-gooder Christian animal-activist bloggers after a video of chucks getting ‘venomised’ was posted on YouTube.

The video shows Chinese chef Kun Kare Less at Wankin’s famous gourmet Organic Originals Restaurant shoving shit-scared chickens into a large glass tank filled with poisonous serpents and then laying bets with restaurant patrons on which bird will get snuffed first.

A week of intense internet discussion on Fuckbook has reached the near-unanimous decision that nobody can make their numpty minds up whether or not it’s cruel to kill live chickens by letting deadly snakes bite them repeatedly.

However, one thing that mainland Chinese participants in the debate agreed upon was the fact they found the cooked dish – Cock in a Pot - delicious and had quite a bite to it.

Restaurants in China have long specialised in exotic dishes which have provoked condemnation from animal rights activists and health watchdogs overseas - such as monkey brains scooped from a live animal (normally a monkey), freshly-peeled tomcat, hedgehog in aspic, stir-fried badger’s bollocks – with the badger attached - and hippopotamus foetus soup.

However China’s Ambassador to the UN, Mr. Hu Sed Dat, fired off yet another of his regular angry rebukes at news media journalists in New York – this time for labelling part of his country’s traditional cuisine as “a barbaric preparation”.

“You Western round-eye devils know jack shit – the snake venom tenderises the rooster flesh and gives it a piquant flavour – otherwise if you just strangle the bird, then cook, it’s like eating a flip-flop - tough as old boots.” “You eat that brown Marmite shit on toast – then call Chinese food recipe crazy - stupid idiots”

Allegy warning : This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange declaration:
No marginalised feathered species were harmed by predatory venomous reptiles in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Conspiracy at a Glance. Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic : a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Zionist lobby

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