Saturday, 13 June 2009

Celeb’ Chef Ramsay says “So F***ing Sorry”

Celebrity foul-mouthed chef Gordon Ramsay, who possesses a Master’s degree in Profanity, apologised following a major Numpty Dumpty row with an Australian TV host because his mother told him “If yer don’t say ‘sorry’ to the stupid dingbat cow I’ll stop yer pocket money an’ I want me trifle and scones recipes back.”

The blaspheming TV chef was branded a 'pommie scumbag' by none other than Australia’s chief scumbag himself - prime minister Kevin Crudd - after his war of words with a female television presenter reached critical mass and erupted into a volcanic chain reaction.

Yesterday, after getting a sound bollocking off his Mum via telephone, Ramsay offered an 'unreserved' apology for his insulting comments in referring to TV host Tracy Slagshaw as a schwein en slippe (pig in knickers) and a cunt in cunt’s clothing.

The row began last week when Ms. Slagshaw interviewed the chef as part of a promotional tour and Ramsay, after consuming several cans of the famous Aussie amber nectar, made insensitive remarks about the presenter's appearance.

At one point the coprolalia-afflicted chef commented on a facial mole on Ms. Slagshaw's top lip and asked: 'Is that a genital wart? That’s what you get from sucking faggot’s cocks.”

The next day he caused uproar at a food fair in Melbourne when he likened Ms. Slagshaw, 39, to a pig with the German insult of ‘schwein en slippe’.

In front of an audience of thousands he held up a picture of a naked woman with the features of a porker, and said: 'That's Tracy Slagshaw. I had an interview with her yesterday – holy shit - she needs to see Simon Cowell's botox doctor.'

Yesterday Premier Kevin Crudd felt moved to intervene and told a reporter for the Southern Cross Shitraker “I think, from personal experience, I can describe Ramsay’s remarks as reflecting a new form of celebrity low life."

Crudd is a superbly qualified expert on low-lifes due : 1 - being an Australian - and 2 – being a politician - and 3 – the damning combination of being an Australian politician – which is apparently just a singluar step away from being as low as an American politician or a British MP - or a child – or cormorant - molester.

However Ramsay said 'things had been over-exaggerated' and took a swipe at Ms. Slagshaw for a 'disgusting attack' on his wife with mention of his long-term affair with celebrity slapper and author Fellatia Twatrot – concluding that was what Ramsay thought of his missus when he consorted with ‘cheap shags’.

Ramsay vehemently denied he had never used the word lesbian when speaking of Ms. Slagshaw – even though he later admitted of getting a distinct impression she was a rug-muching dildo dyke.

As to stating that seeing Slagshaw naked would put a bloke off sex for life – and his comments of “I’d sooner have a wank than fuck her” were off the cuff and in response to heckling from the audience following Slagshaw’s nasty criticism concerning his wife.

Tracey Slagshaw - who’s start in show business came about after having her nude photo posted on the front page in a Tour Australia STD prevention brochure – Scabs - was unavailable for interview or further comment on the Ramsay issue due having a prior appointment with Simon Cowell’s botox doctor.

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