Saturday, 6 June 2009

Taliban Score Low in Women’s Rights Poll

A video showing a teenage girl being flogged by Taliban Islamic fundamentalist headbangers has emerged from the Twat Valley in Pakistan, offering a shocking glimpse of militant brutality in this once-pleasant desert shithole, and a sign that Taliban Dan’s malevolent religious influence is spreading deeper into the country.

The five-minute video, shot using a mobile phone’s video camera fuction, shows a burka-clad girl face down on the ground. Two men hold her arms and feet while a third, a black-turbaned pedo’ pervert with a flowing beard, whips her ass repeatedly.

The video was headlined on the adult BD/SM website as a dead cert’ award-winning entry for the Cannes Film Festival erotic flagellation category.

The video commences with a gravelly and humourless male voice instructing "Hold her legs tightly," as she squirms and yelps.
"You shitbag goat bonking twats," she shouts aloud in Pashtu at her tormentors in between screams of pain as each barbaric blow hits her ass. "I pray Allah turns your hemorrhoids to septic sores and tapeworms eat your bowels out," she screams.

A crowd of unwashed beardies stands around, giggling and casting sly glances at each other as they massage their lecherous crotches – aroused by the erogenous fantasies their prudish and malnourished libidos derive from the helpless girl being restrained and beaten across the buttocks.

After 34 lashes the punishment stops and the wailing woman waddles off duck-fashion to soak her inflamed red arse in a bucket of cold well water.

Reached by phone at Taliban Central, spokesman Mohammed bin Muhammad claimed responsibility for the flogging.

"The dirty slapper came out of her house with another guy who was not her husband, so we must punish her. She was wearing a banned Ann Summers burqha too.”
“It does not matter that the man was the local cable guy just connecting her Sky Sports antenna.”
“There are boundaries you cannot cross – even in the name of better TV reception.”

He further defended the Taliban's right to thrash women shoppers who were inappropriately dressed, saying it was permitted under Islamic law and a great turn-on for the blokes.

The Daily Shitraker received a copy of the video from a Taliban member’s Face Book page which had originated from male residents in the Twat Valley forwarding the video by mobile phones – which they reckoned was the best bit of erotic masturbation material they’d seen in years and a most agreeable change from bonking goats and young boys.

The teenage girl in the video, named as Barbie and believed to be aged 17, was punished in Crap al Shat, a district further up the Twat Valley.

The Taliban, a public relations disaster of their own manufacture, flog and behead people on a regular basis for serious crimes such as not growing a beard, but are now more anxious to demonstrate their softer side by just shooting offenders of their unwritten rules outright, or simply slicing off their ears.

However, it’s not just in the Twat Valley they want to purge their sectarian world of evils like schools, electric toothbrushes, music, democracy, barbers, jigsaw puzzles and the judiciary – and install their harsh interpretation of Sharia law – they are now driving forward with fervour to implement this across Pakistan in entirety.

From there the long term goal is to impose this uniquely barbarous brand of Sharia across the entire global expanse of Pan Islam – followed by inflicting the same on the rest of the world – via violent conquest and not hearts and minds.

Never the ones to be backward in coming forwards when applying Numpty Dumpty logic, the Taliban have now demanded the Pakistan government supply them with the financing and arms to implement their sacred holy mission.

Of course many Western martinets would greet the imposition of the Taliban brand of cultural and social restraint - and discipline - with open arms – and thus wave farewell to topless beaches and nudist colonies.

However, such would be a financial disaster as then how could oil-rich Arabs maintain their regular trips to Europe and the Great Satan to gamble, get pissed, and screw around with Caucasian whores – and little blonde catamites.

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