Can Obama Improve Ties With Muslims?

President Barky O’Barmy has said the "cycle of suspicion and discord" between the United States and Israel – and the Muslim world must end – or else.

In a keynote speech in Cairo, O’Barmy called for a "new beginning" in ties with Pan-Islam.
He admitted there had been "years of distrust" and said all sides needed to make a "sustained effort... to respect one another and seek common ground – but not on the West Bank just yet".

O’Barmy finally admitted the US bond with Israel was unbreakable due the fact the US was controlled by Zionist Jews throughout – from Hollywood to the news media, to the banks, to the Fed’ – right up to them controlling the Congress and Senate – and the White House itself.

Conversely though, for the benefit of disadvantaged minorities, he did mention that the Palestinian’s plight over having their homelands stolen in broad daylight wasn’t very nice either.

The president made a number of references to the Koran and called on all faiths to live together in peace – even if some shithole of a Third World Muslim village occasionally got bombed to fuck and back by accident.

O’Barmy, concentrating hard on every word crossing his new digital-ready teleprompter screen, stated that violent extremists in the previous Bush administration had bred fear and that this cycle of suspicion and discord must end now most of the head-bangers had been put out to grass.

O’Barmy accepted that "no single speech can eradicate years of mistrust" but urged both sides to "say openly the things we hold in our hearts and that too often are said only behind closed doors".
“I urge you to call a spade ‘a spade’ – even if it is a shovel – or you’re simply referring to me – but watch what you say about Israel and the Jews otherwise you’ll get labelled an anti-Semite.”

O’Barmy, who was schooled in Indonesia and hence brought up as a Muslim, quoted the Koran, saying “Hey it’s just the same as the Torah and the Bible with all that ‘Eye for an eye’ and ‘Tooth for a tooth’ shit. Hell, the authors probably went to the same opticians and dentists.”

He added that much had been made of the fact that a Kenyan peasant with a forged Hawaiian birth certificate, named Barky Hussein O’Barmy, had become the US president, but he insisted his personal story was "not so unique".

"The dream of opportunity for all people can come true for everyone in America if you have the backing of the establishment and the likes of Zbigniew Brzezinski and Georgie Soros.”

Pox News’ Cairo correspondent Ali Bongo opined that O’Barmy was tough on both sides - perhaps tougher on Israel than the public is used to hearing from the usual white Zionist American presidents of recent years.

However he also made it clear there is no justification for Holohoax denial – even if it never took place - but in a moment of numptyism – perhaps due Egypt’s summer heatwave - seemed to associate the predicament of the Palestinians with that of negro slaves in America – and the need for a good old civil war to solve the problem.

So, can O’Barmy improve ties with Muslims? Will his pretentious Middle East mini-tour placate the ire and hate-ridden ranks of Islam and the Jolly Jihadists? Can their destructive passions towards the Great Satan and her Occidental cohorts be stilled by this charismatic posturing clot who speaks from a teleprompter – and not his heart?

Well, the message is there at least, so perhaps - certainly – absolutely – all for it - and achieved quite easily too – simply stop demonising them and their religion – stop invading their countries – stop Israel being such a bunch of nasty arrogant cunts towards them – stop threatening Iran - and stop dropping bombs on their villages because some landless peasant was spotted by a predator drone reading the sports page of the Al Qaeda Gazette.

Pax Vobis? Peace in our Time? Doubful, but the Muslims might put the US back on their Christmas card list and call a halt to the Semtex vest brigade blowing up all kinds of shit in an attempt to get their point across.

President O’Barmy is due to visit the pyramids today before heading to Germany and France. Nice one – hopefully he wears his tinfoil dunce’s hat.