UK Society Goes Totally Paranoid

The mental health charity ‘Headbangers’ is calling for a nationwide campaign to protect the UK's growing population of paranoid psychotics after a survey suggested people were growing ever more anxious and fretting over where their next meal might be coming from - or if the local Masonic lodge was eyeing up snatching their infant blonde, blue-eyed kids for one of their ritual Satanic sacrifices.

The poll of two million adults for the independent Bonkers & Conkers Foundation estimated 97% of people found the world more frightening than in the pre-Millennium year of 1999 – which critics have been quick to point out that is due the fact it really is more frightening.

The charity described a "culture of fear" in which the media, politicians and our New World Order renta-sadist police force fuelled a sense of unease. Many people have developed a paranoid fear of being ‘watched’ as every time they look up, or over their shoulder, there’s a CCTV camera pointed at them.

When they get home after yet another day of searching futilely for a job, they find the front door’s been kicked in by bailiffs – or burglars – and their household goods stolen – or they’ve been evicted by their friendly neighbourhood building society as they haven’t been able to keep up their mortgage payments since being made redundant – and their kids have been taken into care by the Freemason-controlled local authority’s St. Sodom’s Orphanage.

However one sociologist said the campaign risked becoming a "self-fulfilling prophecy" making people even more anxious than they were already.

The report, aptly named “The World’s Fucked”, found more than 90% of people say they get frightened or anxious more often than they used to, while 100% thought the world had become a scarier place since their elected political representatives had conspired to kick start World War Three in 2001.

Here people blame the Zionist-run US military-industrial complex, in collusion with Western governments, banks and multi-national corporations, of deliberately carrying out the 9/11 false flag attacks on the World Trade Centre buildings then blaming it on a bunch of imaginary Muslim terrorists living in caves in Afghanistan solely to justify invading the aforesaid nation and Iraq – therein waging ‘scorched earth’ wars of aggression against their populations and plundering their natural resources in a wholly Satanic and voracious campaign of ‘Feed the Greed” in exercising their Project for a New American Century.

While the economic climate was seen as part of the reason for the increased levels of fear, the charity said it believed there were other factors at play – such as the UK government being complicit in the London bomb attacks of 7/7/2005.

Charity spokeswoman and clinical psychiatrist Fellatia van der Gobble told the conspiracy page correspondent from the Cormorant Strangler’s Gazette that “Western governments are rubbing our collective peasant noses in it – thinking we can’t see through their felonious schemes.”

“Just look how they are pushing this EU super state on us to destroy all semblance of national identity. They promised us a referendum on the issue now Gordon Brown denies it to us. I’m glad I never voted for him.”

“The Irish vetoed it with a capital NO in their referendum last year so Brussels now says they have to vote again to say ‘Yes’. The whole gang are squirly. This is Fascism.”

“Now we have an entire medical industry pushing prescription anti-anxiety and depression drugs on the Western peoples – and the benzodiazepine line of drugs work by reducing brain activity – which leads to severe side effects such as producing a brain-dead – unquestioning – happy sheeple – population.”

So, let's take a peek at the issues people are getting paranoid over and worrying about unnecessarily? A concise list, compiled by the Institute for Much Longer Lists, is posted below.

A ‘New Labour’ Prime Minister that couldn’t tell the truth if he didn’t have a lie ready, followed by a Scottish one nobody voted for – who also isn’t too handy with the truth either.
A black African US president with a botched job forged Hawaiian birth certificate.
Official government bodies globally talking about population reduction from six billion to half a billion –tops.
The Queen of England’s Greek mongrel-gened geriatric hubby telling the press he’d like to be reincarnated as a virus to infect and decimate the world’s over-population of ‘useless eaters’.
Bird flu virus being engineered to mutate and jump to humans via airborne transmission by nasty big pharma’ companies and rogue government officials.
G20 riot cops plastered all over YouTube savagely attacking an innocent bystander who then proceeds to drop dead.
Man-made / HAARP-generated tsunamis, hurricanes and earthquakes put down to 'force majeur'.
Cover-ups and whitewash jobs by governments : from the assassination of Julius Caesar to JFK to David Kelly.
Poisons in food – hormones and aspartame / fluoride in the water supplies.
Genocidal military actions against minority populations : from Gaza to the DR Congo to Darfur to Eritrea.
Global warming scam when we’re actually on the threshold of the next Ice Age – and the deforestations of our tropical rain forests continues unabated.
Morgellons disease and other man-made nano-tech’ flesh-eating viruses.
The half-million plastic coffins stacked up in Georgia USA – just waiting to be filled.
GM foods mutating our DNA.
Chemtrails / galloping allergy outbreaks.
9/11 style false flag terrorist attacks.
Illegal wars demonizing Islam for territorial and political gain.
Real terrorist attacks – if any.
Broken promises on an EU referendum.
Banks bankrupt / bank savings gone.
Old age pensions worthless.
The MMR triple vaccine giving our kids autism.
Galloping Alzheimer’s Disease on the increase.
Incurable cancers on the up and up.
Knife crime.
Gun crime.
Illegal immigration.
Escalating drug culture.
MRSA.
Binge drinking.
Incurable STD’s - such as AIDS and galloping twat rot.
Recessions / unemployment.
Home repossessions / homelessness.
Government lies.
More government lies.

Do you feel more anxious when it goes dark? How much Ativan or Prozac do you pop each day? Is your cat on tranquilisers? Have you considered cognitive-behavioural therapy? Would you trust a politician to babysit your children?

Remember - to overcome anxiety for good, you may also need to make major changes in your life – such as move to another planet.

Send details of your anxieties to ‘Sectioned Sally’ using the online reply form below and we’ll have one of our nice young Community Support officers in a clean white coat call round to attest you’re a conspiracy theory nut and certify you ‘bonkers’.