Saturday, 4 April 2009

Michelle O’Barmy Commits Royal Faux Pas

Displaying a total lack of tact or comprehension for diplomatic protocols, when US first lady Michelle O'Barmy was formally introduced to Queen Elizabeth at the Buckingham Palace G20 greeting ceremony this week she ran towards her - screeching out in hysterical fashion “Lizzie baby – come here girl – I wants to gives you one sure fire sisterly huggin’.”

Before the Queen could swing her Zimmer frame around and escape the unwelcome embrace, Mrs. O’Barmy had grabbed her around the waist and was in the process of smothering her in sopping kisses before Her Majesty’s SAS security detail could bludgeon the moronic Hottentot-arsed Michelle into submission with assault rifle butts.

Crown Equerry Sir Morton Scrunt informed the royal affairs correspondent from the Cormorant Strangler’s Gazette “No-one - including the ladies-in-waiting standing nearby - could believe their eyes.”
“Since being crowned, the Queen has never been hugged by commoners or landless peasant types – especially one’s with such a suspiciously dark sun tan - and it is certainly against all protocol to touch her Royal Personage.”

“Good grief – in the 62 years Her Majesty has been married to that clown Phillip he’s never been allowed to get so close – even when they engaged in the procreation of their congenitally-flawed bat-eared inbred children.”

“Had this been the court of her ancestor, Elizabeth the First, and such a faux pas committed, it would have constituted a Tower Hill job and ‘off with her head’.”

“Her Majesty has not been subjected to such a breach of protocol since that odious clot, the Australian Prime Minister Keating (aka the Lizard of Oz) dared touch the Queen back in 1992, giving her buns a quick grope as he walked past.” “I do believe he is still walking with a limp.”

After Mrs. O’Barmy was medivaced out to a local A & E the Queen continued to greet the foreign political representatives attending the G20 summit. – with nothing more than a half smile and her customary dead fish handshake.

Saudi monarch King Ali Baba Blacksheep was visibly nervous as he approached and kept a close eye on the Queen’s security thugs before offering a quick bow and retreating. The Japanese Finance Minister, Aji No Moto, prostrated himself on the floor and attempted to kiss her Doc Marten boots in an act of supplication – only to get his fingers stamped on.

The Royal ire was further raised later in the greeting ceremony when a yet another breach of court etiquette was committed by Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.
The incident took place as the Queen posed with world leaders from the G20 summit in a traditional ‘usual suspects’ photograph on Buckingham Palace’s sixteen acre patio.

Berlusconi, stuck in the back row, kept blowing raspberries, sticking his tongue out and making secret Mafia-Masonic-Satanic hand signs at the camera before repeatedly cat-calling across the assembly’s breadth at President O’Barmy “Who’s a little Kenyan – who’s not American.”

Upon receiving a gorgonising sideways glance from the Queen, Prince Philip dutifully turned around and balled out “Shut the fuck up you gobshite wop twat”, adding further emphasis to his statement by belting Berlusconi across the shins with his walking stick.

Berlusconi, a self-pardoning career criminal, has developed a reputation in political circles for his idiotic comments and moronic behaviour, even on the world stage. It is estimated he can be taken anywhere twice – the second time to apologise.

Have you ever put your arm around an old queen? Did you know Her Majesty hates being called Lizzie or QE2 by gollies or darkies. Do you believe Barack O’Barmy’s an American? Do you agree Washington DC should be renamed Washington DK (District of Kenya)?

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