Monday, 6 April 2009

China’s Hi-Tech’ Exam Swindlers Jailed

Two hundred-plus parents and teachers who used hi-tech’ space-age equipment to help children cheat in Chinese civil service exams have been sent to Wanking’s infamous Smiley Face Organ Donor prison.
They were given sentences of between ten to twenty-five years after being found guilty of espionage in obtaining state secrets (exam questions).

Three groups were found operating in the Numpty Dumpty College for Advanced Pencil Sharpening in Wanking province.
One group of parents, some of them local officials, bribed a college janitor to e-mail them the questions once the exam got under way. Unfortunately the janitor sent them, by mistake, the clues on his Pol Pot Insta-Noodles crossword competition entry form.

The parents had organised and paid top dollar to group of a dozen post-graduate university students to answer the questions once they were received, but the entire plot went tits up by hiring the brain dead college janitor.
The answers to the Pol Pot Insta-Noodles crossword were then transmitted via SSB radios to their children in the exam hall - who were wearing tiny earpieces.

However one police officer, PC Who Chee Ting, started to pick up the transmissions on his police band radio and alerted authorities to the scam.
Members of China’s elite Exam Cheats squad raided the college and discovered one student, Sue Doku, with a cellphone up her rectum and a telescopic radio antenna stuck in her ear.

Another 700 of those who had sat the exams were deemed to have cheated because their responses were too similar – and all bore correct / incorrect answers in the same chronological order.
One state-run newspaper reminded cheats that in years gone by they would have been put to death under the benign rule of Chairman Meow.

Those who were caught cheating were not just disqualified from the civil service application process. Their names and identification numbers will now be placed on the government’s ‘very naughty’ database used by recruiters throughout the public sector and they are effectively blackballed from civil service employment for life – if not longer.

While their parents received heavy prison sentences, the children themselves got off lightly and were sent to the Tibetan Happy Bat guano pits to shovel excrement while undergoing re-education and training as pavement lickers for future forced labour employment with Beijing’s street cleaning department.

Stop press – Wanking college janitor wins bonanza prize in national Pol Pot Insta-Noodles crossword competition.

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