Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Numpty Dumpty Saudis Ban ‘Lewd’ Car Plates

Saudi Arabia, demonstrating yet another of its ‘Alice in Wonderland’ firsts, has banned vehicle number plates which are seen as "offensive" in English when Arabic letters are translated into the Latin alphabet, according to a report in this morning’s Camel Bonkers Review.

The Saudi national newspaper said the banned words included ‘TITS’ and ‘ASS’, but the list was topped by the letters ‘USA’. It hasn’t yet been determined if this refers to the ‘United States of America’ (aka The Great Satan)or the implied acronym of ‘Useless Saudi Arabians’.

Apparently the Saudi transport department –previously the camel ministry- and still run by Dr. Jabbah al Hutt - has decreed 90,000 existing plates are to be replaced for breaching the moronic sensibilities of the national Wahhabi Gestapo-style religious police – the Merry Mutaween.

The untendered contract to manufacture and supply the replacement registration plates has reportedly been awarded to the Saudi-based Jabba al Hutt Licence Plate Co. (SA)

Personalised plates have become a popular item with young rich and shameless shit-for-brains Saudi wastrels.
One plate – FOK YEW 2 - recently sold on a Sand Dune Roadshow auction for 6 million riyals – the equivalent of twenty nice looking goats – apparently previously adorned the official limousine of the Riyhad-based Chinese Ambassador to the Kingdom – a certain Mr. Fok Yew Tu.

Newer Saudi plates include three Arabic letters that are also shown in the Latin alphabet – but no plate is allowed that mentions Allah or his prophet Mohammed – or any shufty bints or slappers with names like ‘Fatima’.

The growing fashion is for car owners to buy personalised vanity plates that deliberately read NUT, BUTT, BAD, MAD, SLUT, SUX or BAR in English.
The latter, ‘BAR’, has been deemed offensive as it might possibly be construed to refer to alcohol, which is banned in the Islamic kingdom for consumption by landless peasant fucks without an oasis or a small oil well to their name.

However, with the Mutaween getting their nasty arses involved in the issue and able to impose brutal 7th Century versions of Sharia law on any and all transgressors of their dogmatic holy code – with all women barred from driving in the backward Kingdom and parking on double yellow lines punishable by forty lashes – licence plate offenders might watch out for likely penalties viz non-compliance.

Last week the Tent Folders Gazette reported that a foreign woman had been arrested for illegally driving a car around Mecca and causing mayhem.

“The woman, a Dutch journalist named Fellatia van der Gobble, tried to escape when she saw a police car and in the process hit another vehicle, setting off a domino effect collision process which wrecked over thirty other vehicles,” Maj. Abdul al Scrotum Scratcher, a police spokesman, told reporters.

Miss van der Gobble, who was unhurt in the accident, has been charged with illegally driving a car and also being unaccompanied in public by her husband or another male relative, and faces the mandatory sentence of stoning by an assorted mob of vicious Saudi barbarians.

Last year, more than 125 women signed and sent a petition to Saudi Interior Minister Sheikh Ramjam al Fatcat, asking that the ban on women driving in the kingdom be overturned. The petition was duly filed in the trash can with all petitioners later receiving a courtesy visit from the local Mutaween and twenty lashes for their audacious cheek.

1 comment:

Rashmi said...

Brilliant and hilarious as always. Great story. Rashmi