Sunday, 12 April 2009

Downing St. Nuts Deep in E-Mail Smears Scandal

A chain of malicious and libellous e-mails smearing top Tories that led to the resignation of yet another senior New Labour party scumbag were published this morning in the Sunday Shitraker.

Damian McScrunt, the Prime Minister's No. 10-based podgy political press officer, quit after his ‘hate mail’ messages were picked up and published on a Westminster expose blog.

In them McScrunt, a frog who dreams of becoming a toad, made obscene and unfounded claims about the personal lives various politicians including Tory party leader David Cameron, shadow Minister for Potholes George Osborne and Lib-Dem MP Ming Campbell.

The Conservative headquarters urged Gordon Brown to explain how the allegations came to be sent from his official No 10 Downing St. e-mail account, with New Labour Secretary for Coverups and Whitewashing, Ms. Glenda Fuctifino suggesting to reporters it was done by Islamic Jolly Jihad subversive elements who hacked into the PM’s personal pc.

Claims were also made against the Tory ‘blonde moment’ backbencher Nadine Totties, MP for Old Scrotum, who is rumoured to be consulting lawyers on accusations that she’s a stupid lying serial slapper who’s more full of bullshit than a Wyoming pasture.
Ms.Totties is reportedly spitting venom over McScrunt revealing details of her recent liposuction and failed face lift surgeries, and libellous suggestions she moonlights in a Soho rub and tug happy ending massage parlour for kinky thrills.

DVD-quality copies of a video recording of Ms. Totties taking part in a ménage et trios cluster fuck dogging session with two Jamaican drug dealers on Hampstead Heath are apparently a top bid item on eBay this Easter weekend.

The smear campaign e-mails were originally sent to former government spin doctor Derek Bogbrush, who runs a pro-Labour blog, before they came to the attention of Barry Ratstamper, author of the ‘All Politicians are Cunts’ blog.

McScrunt wrote in the e-mails, sent from his Number 10 address, that he had used lashings of 'poetic licence', based on what was known, to put the shits up George Osborne – whom he smeared with gross perverted sexual innuendo - accusing him of paid-for-sex with Albanian transvestite prostitutes and being in the habit of masturbating while sniffing a dried mackerel.

Lib-Dem MP for North-West Rockall, Sir Menzies Campbell, aka Ming the Merciless, is said to be ‘irate’ over McScrunt’s e-smear allegations that his name is on a Shetlands’ police watch list of registered sheep molesters.

In his resignation letter, McScrunt said he'd ‘shit kittens’ on learning Barry Ratstamper had intercepted copies of his e-mail smears and published them in the public domain, causing him to be caught red-handed.

"I have already apologised for the inappropriate and juvenile content of my e-mails, and the offence they have caused," McScrunt told investigating police officers.
'”It was all a bit of a joke that got carried away, consisting of mainly gossipy rumours, and just intended to destabilise the Tories – throw them off balance – as Gordon and Labour have such bad ratings right now."

Have you received any obscene e-mails from 10 Downing Street? Have you ever been accused of molesting sheep? Have you ever fantasized having sex with the Easter Bunny? Would you like to sign up for regular downloads from New Labour’s ‘smear spam’ website ?

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