Russia Demands Halt to NATO Exercises in Georgia

Russia is demanding the cancellation of Nato exercises in Georgia saying they are a US-Zionist provocation aimed purposely at what Prime Minister Dumitri Medevac termed “political shit-stirring and games of Western one-upmanship”.

Moscow believes that the planned war games in May "can only complicate further the political and military situations in the region which are a total fuck-up to start with".

The Kremlin’s Red Army spokesperson Igor Crooksky told the military correspondent from Gardener’s Weekly that the plans were "absurd" in the light of tensions with the breakaway Georgian regions of Abkhazia and South Ossetia – which Russia has recognised as independent – as well as violent opposition protests against Georgia’s serial disident burning President Mikheil Sackashit.

“It is a direct provocation conjoured up by the muppet President O’Barmy’s Russia-hating Zionist mind controller Zbigniew Brzezinski – Georgia isn’t even a member of Nato.”
“We will send an e-mail to Nato calling for the exercises to be cancelled, at least for the time being, otherwise our regional military commanders might get jumpy and blast the Nato troops with a tactical nuclear weapon," he added. “Perhaps the same type we are considering selling to Iran.”

Conversely Georgian President Sackashit, a former rhubarb addict and founder of the Tbilisi Halitosis Club, told reporters he wanted to join Nato so their military might could be used to force the breakaway rebel regions of Abkhazia and South Ossetia back under Georgia’s tyrannical thumb.

The exercises, which were announced by puppet master Brzezinski as soon as US President Barky O’Barmy took office in January and appointed belligerent career criminal Hilarious Rodent Clinton as his Secretary of State, will involve about 1,300,000 people from 19 Nato and partner countries and be held at a training centre 20 kilometres (12 miles) east of Tbilisi – with the entire force heading north to Moscow in a mock attack scenario.

Nato spokesman Ghengis Pisspot said that Nato Secretary General Jump tru der Hoop had received a request for a postponement from Moscow but decided it might be good fun to provoke the Russian Bear for a change.

"There is no controversy, no surprise and no connection with the situation in Georgia or in the region," he stressed, adding with emphasis, “However, if the exercise goes well and some of our troops cross over – by accident – into Russian territory and capture the Wankos gas pipeline, well- surprise, surprise. We shall see if the Russians have the balls to stop our advance.”