Friday, 3 April 2009

Fat Gits Family Cry Harassment

They have been lambasted in the press and laughed at by neighbours, used as bouncy castles and been the models for barrage balloons.
Here, the Porkstein family, with a combined weight of several metric tonnes, describe their distress at unwanted attention and abuse.

Minnie Porkstein is responsible for one of the most famous (or infamous) renditions of Celine Dion's ‘My Diet Will Go On’.
The 26 stone, nineteen-year-old from Black Pudding Street in Hogsford first came to the nation's attention two years ago when she moronically applied to be publicly insulted and abused on The X Factor.

In a memorable audition, she was roundly condemned for both her dress sense and singing abilities by celebrity scumbag Slimy Simon Cowell.
Cowell, a professional rude cunt, described the dress she was wearing as "like an army bell tent” and “you look like Porky Pig’s sister" - then pronounced her singing as sounding like "a tomcat getting sawn in half."

Minnie’s 22 stone younger sister Gruntella recently failed in her audition bid to be selected for Dancing on Ice after she fell on her arse and cracked the skating rink beyond repair.

But Minnie and her family say the criticism dished out by a non-entity like Slimon Cowell is nothing compared to the abuse they have suffered from DSS officials and serial fat git stalkers.

Sitting at her desktop pc, mother Mrs. Elephanta Porkstein shows me a nasty Facebook group set up about her overweight family.
The tone of the group - which has since won prizes for the satire content - is set by the title: "Get your snouts out of the trough and find a job you sponging parasitic twats."

The Porksteins say they became so concerned about the abuse that they contacted the police – who called round and had a good laugh at their expense.
The same reaction was received when the DSS investigated their claim for welfare as the entire family was too fat to work – but resulted in them being awarded thousands of pounds in benefits and officially classified as ‘hopeless cases’.

Emma's father Grunter pulls out a stack of newspapers to show a reporter from the Fat Gits Weekly Review a sample of the abusive articles that have been written about them.

Flicking through the pages the headlines call them the Lardbuckets and the real Tellytubbies. One article from the Daily Shitraker reveals that Minnie was given a full refund after her membership at Slimmer’s World was rescinded as she kept squashing personal trainers and breaking the exercise equipments.

Other critical news reports detail embarrassing incidents such as Gruntella having to be crowbarred and winched out of a telephone box by the fire brigade after getting stuck.

Mrs. Porkstein was forced to give up her job as a blancmange taster five years ago when her total blood cholesterol level exceeded a figure that surpassed the inflation rate in Zimbabwe.
Husband Isaac Porkstein has been unable to find work since leaving school due the fact he's too obese to fit through the Job Centre door.

However the Porksteins are quick to point out they do not gorge themselves on choccies and ice cream or gallons of lager and crisps, but eat a healthy kosher diet, with daughters Minnie and Gruntella recently following the tried and trusted John Prescott weight-watcher’s regime of cow heel soup and meat pies in an attempt to shed a few hundred kilos each so they can get bikini-line waxing jobs done on their pubes in readiness for their summer vacation on the Costa del Flab.

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