Jewish Judge Heads Israeli War Crimes Investigation

A Jewish judge today informed the legal correspondent from the Tortoise Polishers Gazette that he was 'shocked' to be named as head of a Zionist-controlled UN investigation into claims of Israeli war crimes in the Gaza Strip.

Reuben ben Gallstone, a South African jurist, will examine allegations that soldiers killed civilians, specifically targeting pregnant women and children, in a three-week barbaric orgy of rape and pillage in the walled-off ghetto that now constitutes the self-governing democratic Palestinian homeland settlement of Gaza.

The appointment by the UN is believed to be an attempt to appease Israeli opposition to the inquiry. But there are fears it could prompt a Palestinian refusal to co-operate and create a backlash throughout the world’s entire Arab and Islamic communities.

Gallstone confessed he was 'gobsmacked that a kike had been earmarked to head the mission, but while it added a possible dimension of bias to the four-person inquiry team he would try to assume a neutral objective focus – regardless of Mossad nailing his pet guinea pig to the front door as a reminder of who’s interests he actually needed to focus on.

The judge, who sits on the board of governors at the Red Sea Pedestrian University in Jerusalem, added: 'I just hope we can approach the daunting task that’s been assigned to us in an even-handed and impartial manner, regardless of knowing it’s a Catch 22 situation with both Israeli and Palestinian militant groups out for our blood whatever we conclude during the investigation.”

In the past, Israel has snubbed human rights investigations – unless it concerns their own much vaunted Holohoax or nasty Nazi war criminals. It was still unclear last night if its leaders intended to co-operate with the latest inquiry or simply bullshit over the issues as in past instances.

According to a Palestinian rights group, 19,262 people, including 19,260 civilians, were killed in the December-January genocidal massacre.
Thirteen Israelis also died - from heart attacks and sheer fright when the Palestinians started firing back at them.

Joining jurist Gallstone on the UN inquiry panel is Mount Sinai law professor Miriam Janusberg, the lunatic Israeli foreign minister Rabbi Kelev Shoteh and celebrity Polish wheelbarrow designer Isaac Rubenstein.

Arab critics have labelled the composition off the inquiry panel a sham and ‘more at scent than substance’ - being packed with what the Camel Bonkers Review termed ‘Zionist Shylocks’ – raising the pertinent point of why there were no Palestinians or Arabs or Muslims included in the investigation team.

There was further rancour and resentment stirred up when the inquiry based its investigation HQ in Tel Aviv at the Rothschild Institute for Ethnic Cleansing and Genocide Studies.

The inquiry has so far declared that Israeli military use of white phosphorous ordnance at night-time during the Gaza campaign was permissible as otherwise their soldiers wouldn’t have been able to see in the dark and might have shot innocent civilians in mistake for groups of Gaza gangsters.

Giving evidence against the Israeli military for charges of rape and child murder, fifteen-year-old Palestinian mother of four, Slutsy al Shagrat, told the inquiry panel “I was held down and three-holed gang-banged by a full platoon of IDF cadets, including the three in the Amnesty International photographs – Tom, Dick and Harry.”
“All I can say is that as rapists they’re a very poor sample. Most of them haven’t even been circumcised correctly and they were all premature ejaculators. I was very disappointed with their performance and never had a single orgasm.”