Sunday, 5 April 2009

Bishop Pushes for St. George’s Bank Holiday

The Archbishop of Smegmadale, a Ugandan gentleman with a remarkable suntan, has said that making St George's Day a public holiday would give everyone in England a well-deserved stress-relieving break from their mortgage and recession worries and take their minds off the hopeless government we have to suffer under.

Dr Umboka O’Dinga asked an audience of unemployed hoodies in Oxford: "Has the time come to make the Feast of St George, the Patron Saint of the England’s football team, a public holiday?"
The concerted reply of “Another day off ? -might as well as nobody’s got a job to go to” exhibited the crowd’s enthusiasm for the suggestion.

Addressing the Daily Sport Literary Festival, he linked a lack of cohesive national identity with money-grasping business employers not wanting to pay workers for an extra public bank holiday each year.

Dr. O’Dinga told cheering crowds of cider-laced hoodies from the Asbo Central College of Literature that Ireland have their Saint Paddy the Spud, Scotland have their St. Jock the Haggis, Wales have their St. Taffy the Sheep Shagger (and eater of leeks and daffodils), the Sacred Islet of Rockall have their St. Rupert the Cormorant Strangler, and all have a public bank holiday set aside and dedicated to celebrating their individual Saint’s days.
Whereas, in England, Saint George, the dragon-slaying saviour of many a fair maiden, and a few gay souls, still goes sadly uncommemorated.

He added that while previously an icon of extreme nationalists, a colonial era sign of exclusion tinged with racism, the flag of St George instead became a unifying symbol for a country caught up in the hopes of eleven overpaid men kicking a ball around a field during World Cup matches.

Mention of racism, football and dragons in the same breath stirred the White Lightning fuelled emotions of certain cadres of the audience, with fights breaking out between members of the BNP Literary group, opposing football supporters and claimants of who had the ugliest gobshite dragon of a mother-in-law to contend with.

Do you think St. George’s Day should be a national holiday? Have you ever slayed a dragon? Will heathen Scot Gordon Brown ever allow Englishmen their own national Saint’s Day while his foreign xenophobic clan revere St. Jock of Glenfiddich? Did you vote for Gordon Brown? Did anyone vote for Gordon Brown?

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