Numpty Dumpty News in Brief

The New Labour government’s scandal-beleaguered Jacqui ‘Second Home’ Secretary Smith plays the ‘Poor me – I’m only a silly woman’ card excuse today in a pathetic attempt to divert attention from her exposed material excesses and belay pressures on her to do the right thing and resign – (preferably in the fashion of disgraced Japanese politicos – by committing ritual seppuku) over her avaricious parliamentary expense claims.

Sir Waldorf Scrunt, Tory MP for Old Scrotum, speaking on conditions of anonymity with the political correspondent for the Aardvark Stranglers Gazette, stated candidly that Smith’s “I’m only being harassed because I’m not a rich woman” was a direct dig at the Tory nobility and stank of class war sentiments reckoned to stir the emotions of Britain’s unemployed and homeless peasants.

“For her to claim that she is the victim of a smear campaign over her expenses because she is a woman with no independent wealth is an obnoxious and lame excuse for her shameless behaviour concerning this issue.”

“She’s clinging to straws like the porverbial slut drowning in a scatalogical maelstrom of her own creation to divert public and media attention from the fact she’s been caught – repeatedly – with her greedy grasping fingers in the till.”

“Her husband, Dickie Wankstaff, is already paid £40,000 per annum to run her office and now has the gall and audacity to charge his ‘grace and favour’ nightly masturbation fantasy pervy porn’ movies to her parliamentary expenses also.”

“I’m afraid it’s time for Ms. Smith to admit she can’t tell the truth even if she doesn’t haver a lie ready, agree she’s the worst Home Secretary we’ve had since the last one, and recognised the fact she’s a cunt in cunt’s clothing – and resign forthwith.”

Ms. Smith, on being confronted by crowds outside the Home Ofice chanting “Resign yer crooked twat !” – told reporters filming the demonstration : “Fuckin’ bastards – I know where you all live!”

On a more insane note concerning the G20 summit demonstrations in London where an innocent passer-by was assaulted and killed by police, the IPCC – Independent Police Cover-ups Commission - this morning announced they were investigating fresh evidence that one of the Metropolitan Police Force’s Brutal Bullies Riot Squad officers, a certain PC Frank Thug, was responsible for the unwarranted attack.

IPCC spokesslut Candida Fuctifino told reporters that PC Thug had unfortunately been filmed actually belaying the deceased Ian Tomlinson across the back of his thighs with a metal baton before violently shoving him to the pavement.

Further accusations have been made by protestor Sapphie Dildodo who observed Mr. Tomlinson being struck twice with a baton and floored prior to the assault that immediately preceeded his collapse and death.

It has not yet been established if the officer who first assaulted Ian Tomlinson, who was returning to a street person’s hostel from his work as a newspaper vendor and totally uninvolved with the G20 demonstrations, is the same violent sadist who carried out the second attack.

Opinions of “He was only a homeless chronic alcoholic anyway – who cares” will not pass muster.
He, as per each and every one of the common herd of landless peasant fucks (voters) the government likes to consider ‘sheeple’, is entitled to freedom and dignity and not to be abused and assaulted or suffer grievous bodily harm at the hands of the Metropolitan Police Force’s career criminal sadistic psychopaths that comprise its ranks of supposed ‘neighbourhood-friendly’ Mr. Plods.

So far news reports have followed Tomlinson’s progress from his place of work to the G20 demonstration area via recordings from the ubiquitous CCTV cameras covering every inch of the city's parameters.

Hence, coupled with camera still shots plus the Cannes Film Festival vaunted video footage of the second murderous assault on him, honest officials should have no problem in framing together a full and complete visual testimony of Tomlinson’s journey from his place of work up to his collapse and demise.

This will independently establish a true and unadulterated version of events : as to if Tomlinson was assaulted once or twice, and who was responsible for each attack.

Further, such a CCTV record will provide verisimilitude to the conflicting statements that G20 protestors going to Tomlinson’s aid following his collapse were charged by the Brutal Bullies Riot Squad. Conversely the BBRS state they were providing emergency medical treatment to Tomlinson but were attacked by a shower of bottles thrown by the protestors.

Thus a complete and collated CCTV record of these events will provide the Independent Police Cover-ups Commission with the solid evidence they require to determine actually who did what to Ian Tomlinson to cause his collapse and subsequent death.

Let us believe, for this single naïve moment in time, that Truth does not fear the light of day – or investigation – and all the area’s CCTV cameras were functioning perfectly – thus recording the tragic events in total.

Unlike the 07/07/2005 London Tube bombings, where practice terrorist attack drills were being conducted simultaneously to the actual attacks, in which military grade explosives, pre-planted under the floors of the carriages, were detonated via radio signal, causing massive destruction, injuries and loss of life.

On 07/07/2005 the CCTV cameras which covered the areas and tube stations hit by the false flag Islamic al Qaeda terrorist attacks all malfunctioned at the same instant – or were purposely turned off. How amazing, just when simultaneous anti-terrorist drills were being conducted in the same locations and such CCTV footage would be vital in the post-operation assessments of said drills.

Prudently the IPCC has required a second post mortem examination to be conducted to ascertain the real cause of death – reportedly a heart attack, determined by the first post mortem.

Fingers crossed that this will take into account the lesions and bruises to torso, limbs and head, and internal injuries, caused by the baton assault (s) and being shoved violently to the pavement, and not end up with a coroner’s inquest recording death by misadventure / force majeur / suicide – a la David Kelly fashion.

Do you think Jacqui Smith should resign or set fire to herself in a Buddhist monk style show of auto da fe? Have you ever claimed expenses for a bathplug? How much is your mantelpiece worth? Does your husband watch pay-per-view porno movies and jack off while you’re at work - then charge the cost to the taxpayer?

Should Ian Tomlinson have fought back? Was Ian Tomlinson mistaken for a Brazilian electrician? Do you think he had a heart attack on purpose – just to cause trouble?