Lobbying Regulator Slammed for ‘Lobbying’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

According to a report in the ‘Scandal’ section of yesterday’s Daily Shitraker, one of Whitehall’s legion of back-stabbing whistleblower’s has contacted Ox-Rat, the government abuse watchdog, and snitched on the civil service official in charge of drawing up plans to regulate lobbying – revealing that Ms Eirian Walsh-Atkins actually held covert, in camera discussions with industry officials four times in the run up to the publication of the Government's controversial consultation paper – yet refused to meet with the campaign groups who have been petitioning the House of Conmans for the very same reforms.

Walsh-Atkins was forced to stand down as head of the constitutional policy department at the Cabinet Office last Friday after she failed to engage brain before her fingers hit the pc keyboard to post a moronic message on Twitter, stating for the public record that she hoped the Scum-Watch group fighting for better regulation of the industry would “Simply fuck off, eat shit and die – and I’m prepared to help it along.”

The Shitehall grasser’s leaked memos provided hard copy evidence that while Walsh-Atkins had met representatives of the UK Public Affairs Council (UK-PAC) - a lobby industry body promoting self-regulation - four times since September 2010, she refused meetings with the three groups fighting for reforms – specifically Scum-Watch, Unlock Democracy and the Alliance for Lobbying Transparency.

Additional red top gutter press rags have now published details of Walsh-Atkins’ litany of sins, revealing that the menopausal maniac also posted a string of tweets attacking “bloody rude American scumbags” and “moronic tourists” - and now faces an internal investigation into possible breaches of the civil service’s code of conduct 11th Commandment – “Thou shalt not get found out”.

Alas, the offensive comments, all considered deeply inappropriate for a senior civil servant, can longer be viewed on the Twitter network after her account was shut down by Shitehall whips in the spirit of political correctness – and to diffuse claims that while Walsh-Atkins was tasked with preparing the government's consultation proposal on a statutory register for lobbyists - a key part of the political reform package promoted by Deputy PM Mick Clogg’s Librarian Dummercrats – she had struck up 'a very cosy and corrupt relationship with the lobbying industry' – yet was shunning reform campaigners like the plague.

Hmmm, anyone smell a rat? A ‘Lobbyists Regulation Bill’ – drafted by the lobbyists themselves – that sounds about right for this fuck-up of a Libservative Coalition government.

Unlock Democracy, a group campaigning for constitutional reform in the UK, tweeted a fitting riposte to Ms Walsh-Atkins outburst, stating “Whitehall’s corrupt relationship with the lobbying industry needs to die” - referring in part to last October’s resignation scandal involving the Defence Minister Liam Pox and sinister connections to his bent lobbyist gay boyfriend Adam Qwerty – and their joint links with dodgy Mid-East arms dealers and the UK Ambassador to Israel Matthew ‘Shylock’ Gould arranging their covert conclaves with Mossad - aimed at conjuring Broken Britain’s foreign policy agenda to suit the capricious whims of the rogue Zionist state.

Bazzer McScrote, the director of Scum-Watch, informed one press hack from the Graft & Corruption Gazette that “Here we have yet again a stellar example of the fact that Shitehall’s civil service bureaucrats hate democracy and accountability. Eirian Walsh-Atkins is simply another despicable, class act senior civil servant with a disproportionate sense of her own importance and sense of entitlement, nurturing this culture of abuse of privilege and forwarding the self-serving aims of entrenched commercial interests.”

“It’s not a lobbyist register we need but rather giving the entire civil service system a massive enema and clean out all the crap infesting Shitehall’s proverbial colon. The entire civil service is a cluster-fuck organisation staffed by ego-massaging megalomaniacs, raving public school poofters, cottagers, fudge-doggers, rug-munching dykes and kiddie fiddling paedo’s – plus the type of scumbags who hang around public lavatories and give decent hard-working sodomites a bad name.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.