Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Cherie Bliar, speaking with press hacks outside Dr Achmed’s Botox Clinic in Harley Street yesterday, confided that she’d started legal proceedings concerning the hacking of her personal phone by the Sunday Shitraker – Rupert ‘Wrinkles’ Mudrock’s now-defunct red top gutter press tabloid.
Cherie, the money-grubbing ‘Ugly Sister’ spouse of international war criminal Tony Bliar, herself a qualified barrack room lawyer, apparently kick started legal action to sue Mudrock's News Group on Tuesday in relation to the unlawful interception of her voicemails by Hackers-R-Us.
In November, Tony Bliar's former super scumbag press secretary Alastair Campbell informed the Leveson Inquiry investigating the total lack of media ethics he had suspected Cherie Bliar's back-stabbing friend Carole Caplin of feeding juicy, scandalous gossip about her to the gutter press – especially the rumours that her jowls dropped like a bloodhounds after a course of Botox treatment rejected her.
“We decided the stories had to have been passed to reporters by Caplin – especially then one that Cherie’s face was like a burst G800 Groundhog tyre due her Botox injections being done on the cheap by Pikey Facials or Kwik-Fit - with that dreaded French PIP industrial silicone and tyre vulcanising crap that they use for boob jobs.”
Campbell further revealed to the inquiry "During the 13 years we managed to stay in government before getting hoofed out in 2010, a gang of us at Downing Street were very worried over how many stories, not just about Cherie, but all of us who were involved in the government at that time were getting leaked. And these concerned all sorts of evil shit – like it was Tony who stamped on Operation Ore to stop the press finding out how many child molesters and paedo’s there were in Whitehall and the House of Conmans.”
“Then someone pointed the fickle finger of fate that it was Tony who ordered MI5 to go and have a chat with Dr David Kelly about his suicide options after he snitched on us for spicing up the Iraqi weapons of mass distraction dossier. But it got really worrying when Tony was fingered for sanctioning MI5 and Mossad to carry out the 7/7 London tube bombings to generate a wave of Islamophobia and generalised public hatred for Muslims – and so get our tip-toe panopticon surveillance state agenda a step or two closer fruition.”
"But equally there were all sorts of stories where you would just sit scratching your head thinking “How the fuck did that get out?” – with none of us realising at the time it was probably that old sour-grapes twat Gordon – just trying to stir the shit and make Tony look bad – not that he ever needed any help on that score – so he could hoof Tony out and finally get his bigoted Scots arse into Number Ten.”
Have you ever had your phone hacked by the ginger-mingin Rebekah Wade’s shit-raking News International press hacks? Do you read the Sun or just look at the tits on page 3? Would you even stoop to wiping your arse on any of Pondscum News Corp's red top tabloids?
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could be in line for an out-of-court mega-bucks settlement from His Imperial Ruthlessness, Raving Rupert Mudrock.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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