Friday, 10 February 2012

Prince Harry Ready for Iran Attack

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Prince Harry has qualified as an Apache helicopter pilot after 18 months of rigorous training at the Hoorah Henry Bar of the Officers Mess and is now qualified to rain down death and destruction on legions of innocent Third World non-combatants and shout “Geronimo!” as he looses a barrage of Shitehawk missiles at anyone else and their dog who hates our democratic freedoms and would attempt to overthrown his Granny.

The ginger-mingin royal cuckoo, third in line to the throne, won a prize for ‘Best Dressed’ in his Nazi Luftwaffe uniform while attending a fancy dress dinner on Wednesday at RAF Twattisham in Suffolk, where he was awarded his chopper pilot wings – much to the delight of his current shag, Pippa Middleclass.

Two months of the prince's training were spent in California and Arizona, mastering the USAF pilots’ propensity for bullshitting and carrying out exercises designed to prepare them for action in Syria and Iran - by targeting anything that moves.
There, he and his fellow students flew helicopters into mountainous and desert areas to endure a series of week-long regimes of barbeques and piss-ups – occasionally firing their weapons at coyotes and armadillos – and in the spirit of friendly fire – at each other.

Speaking to one press hack from the Neo-Colonial Gazette, Harry confided “Now I’ve been awarded ‘combat-ready’ status, personally I’d like to go off down to the Falklands and join up with Wills, then we could blast the shit out of the Argies together if they try to land a force of their manky Marines at Stanley again.”

Previously the ranga prince hinted he wished to return to Afghanistan after his first two day tour of duty in 2008 was cut short - by stepping off a plane in the Taliban-infested Bellend Province then getting straight back on board.

“It’s all been spiffing fun down here at Twattisham and I’m looking forward to flying missions for NATO - strafing a few schools and the odd hospital – anything with a red cross on really, as they make such super targets.”
“My cousin Beatrix wants me to get her a souvenir necklace of Taliban muhijadeen ears if I get posted to smelly old Afghanistan on poppy field surveillance – apparently they’re all the rave with her gang of psycho mates around the London night club scene. Actually I’m setting my sights a bit higher and want to get Pippa a real Saracen’s head.”

Harry - known affectionately to his fellow pilots and ground staff as “That cunt Hewitt” – is set to gain further experience of flying Apaches with the 662 Squadron, 3 Regiment Army Air Corps – their fuel budget permitting.

Apache helicopters, designed to hunt and destroy battle tanks – which unfortunately the Taliban, being a low-budget guerilla resistance force, don’t have any of - are used in Afghanistan to guard the opium crops and Socal gas pipeline - and were deployed to great effect in Libya last year in night attacks on Tripoli’s orphanages.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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