Bent Met’ Plods Investigate Selves

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to an article in Friday’s edition of the Graft & Corruption Gazette reveals that Scotland Yard’s ‘Operation Scumbag’ investigation into alleged illegal payments by the red top tabloid Sun’s gutter press journalists to their very own Plod Squad officers - and too an assortment of other bent public officials – has discovered evidence that certain ranking plods received more than £10,000 quid per year apiece in snitch retainer fees.

Hmmm, anyone smell a rat here? Scotland Yard – dominated by a cabal of venal top echelon Freemasons – and we have this elitist Brotherhood comprised of villains investigating themselves. Thus with a gang of uniformed career criminals scrutinising acts of improbity committed by their cohorts there’s more chance of shoving chilli paste up a Tasmanian Tantrum Devil’s arse with a popsicle than justice ever running its true course.

A report in this week’s Palm-Greasers Review supports claims it has been standard practice since the days of Harold ‘Red Mole’ Wilson’s Labour government for news hacks to bribe the Met’s Plod Squad and career civil service officers – including dodgy House of Conmans MPs – for inside information concerning anything that had a stench of scandal about it and would sell papers.

Apparently even back in the halcyon baby-booming CCTV-free days of the 1960’s, Wilson’s dominatrix-secretary Marcia ‘Piranha Teeth’ Williams – aka Lady Forkbender – would hold regular Friday night auctions in the Downing Street’s BD/SM themed cellars to flog off tranches of juicy information and State secrets to a mix of shifty Soviet agents and salivating Fleet Street editors.

Following a series of dawn raids earlier this week - staged on the strength of information supplied by News Corp's very own Inquisition (the dreaded scalp-hunting Management and Standards Committee) to the Met’s Operation Scumbag – which resulted in the arrest and bailing of nine current and former Sun journalists, eight police officers, seven MoD employees, six Shitehall civil servants, five House of Conmans dogsbodies, four armed forces personnel, three London Council jobsworths, two Buck’s Palace Dragoon Guard rent boys and a partridge in a pear tree - all in relation to charges of making illegal payments to public officials and / or flogging off national security secrets to the highest bidder.

These latest arrests of Sun journalists has led to near mutiny at News International's Wapping HQ, with tired and over-emotional editorial staff and hacks downing pencils and going off to the nearest boozer after succumbing to a mass paranoia attack - declaring to anyone prepared to listen to their whingeing that they felt angry and betrayed – accusing the MSC’s chief Inquisitor, former Smellygraph editor Will Lewis, of throwing them to the wolves.

From an irony point of view regarding Lewis’s inclusion on the MSC board – formed back in July last year by His Imperial Ruthlessness, Rupert ‘Wrinkles’ Mudrock to salvage whatever little credibility his shit-raking news empire ever possessed - Lewis was the journalist responsible for making the May 2009 decision to pay £150,000 quid in used £20 notes for the purloined MPs’ expenses data to a mysterious ‘intermediary’ – who may well have been a state employee (Toxic Tessie Trollenberg of the House of Conmans accounts office) - and who ‘presumably’ passed the cash on to the unnamed real source (Ms Glenda Twatt, New Labour’s MP for East Backstabbers).

Hmmm, now there’s the vital ingredient - a piquant dollop of hypocrisy added to the mix when selecting the rank and file of News Corp’s Management and Standards Committee – with Lewis guilty of an act of criminality undertaken for the sole reason the MP’s fiddled expense claims were of significant public interest.

A pause for thought: Everyone’s favourite arch-vulgarian, HRH Prince Rupert of Mudrock, since manifesting his festering presence at the Sun’s Wapping HQ last week, has now announced he’s set to launch a replacement to the disgraced Screws of the World with a Sunday edition of the Sun – rumoured to be titled the ‘Sunday Scum’ or ‘Sunday Shitraker’ – a vital commodity to enhance the back of every household’s toilet door.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.