Friday, 3 February 2012

Will all Scumbags lose Royal Honours?

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Commenting yesterday on Fred Goodwin’s knighthood being revoked with ‘extreme prejudice’ by Her Royal Ruthlessness Queen Lizzie, New Labour’s disaster of an ex-chancellor Alistair Darling - himself a major contributor to Britain current state of ‘brokenness’ – and doubly-condemning he being one of Goodwin’s fellow Scots - opined to a press hack from the Dogwankers Review that the decision was a case of sour grapes as poor old Fred wasn’t the only bankster responsible for causing the biggest recession to hit the UK since the last recession.

In reply, and too, Royal defence, Buckingham Palace issued a riposte that Her Majesty QE2 had cancelled and annulled the title on the advice of the dreaded and formidable black-hooded Forfeiture Committee – who work on the doctrine of revenge being a meal best savoured cold – and whose members comprise a cabal of top ranking civil service career backstabbers that rejoice in their perverted ‘schadenfreude’ rituals when not busy cottaging on Hampstead Heath, loitering around public lavatories – or on kiddie fiddling excursions at Hamleys.

Conversely Sir Dinsdale Ffitch-Spatchcock, the CEO of the City’s premier hedge fund managers, Usury Investments, commented to one reporter from the Ripoffs Gazette that “It’s a mass hysteria reaction to pillory and then tar and feather Fred for a simple act of gross incompetence committed due the useless tosspot’s moronic ‘five second rule’ “

“Using the facility of 20/20 hindsight he should have thought at least twice about diving head first into a multi-billion-pound deal to buy the Dutch WankBank SA at the height of the financial crisis in 2007, which led to RBS having to be bailed out to the tune of £45 zillion quid by taxpayers – and left Fred with a bit of a shortfall of credibility like that other prancing dildo – the global warming scaremonger David Vinter at the University of Easy Access - and all his dodgy Chicken Little e-mails that got well and truly hacked.”

“Oh well, let’s be perfectly honest here - we in the Shylock industry never made money by adopting a policy of risk aversion – especially so when our wild card casino culture’s backed up and guaranteed by government bail-outs – and they’re willing to squander taxpayer funds salvaging us. Personally I believe the Darwinian principle should have applied and the erring banks gone the way of the dinosaur – survival of the fittest and all that good shit.”

“Alas though, this February of 2012, Punxsutawney Phil’s rodentesque shadow is cast long, deep and bitterly cold over Broken Britain’s economic season and it’s going to take a lot more than the dynamics of fervent prayer – or the pathetic efforts of Scameron’s team of bean-counting bunglers to sort the mess out and get the proverbial sun shining again.”

“Actually, in my honest opinion, which might be considered treasonous by certain elements of government, Scameron ought to declare Britain well and truly ‘broke’ and opt for filing for bankruptcy protection.”

Interviewed by the media at her Paisley fish and chip shop, Goodwin’s elder sister Fellattia revealed “Well that’s our Freddy for yer. Myself I’d sooner have seen him get an honest job an’ a trade when he left school – like bein’ a sporran comber or a bagpipe tuner – or an electrician same as our Dad was – or even workin’ at the local Pestco Greedy Grocers in the haggis picklin’ section - an’ not some scumbag bankster that everyone hates. Fred never was any good at sums when he was at school so how he slithered into that job at Edinburgh’s Highland Snafu Bank was a bit beyond me – but that’s how you get on in life with the pederast ranks of the Scottish Rite Freemasons an’ their Caber Tossers Club – an’ knowin' how to do those funny, secret handshakes they have.”

“Oh well, he might be an all-round twat like the papers are calling him - as even Joyce has kicked the bugger out for shagging around – typical of the little runt as he never could keep his tadger in his pants. So, if it wasn’t for bad luck our Freddy wouldn’t have any.”

From another perspective, Genghis ‘Pitbull’ McGnasher, the director of the UK-based Kunt-Watch whistle-blowing charity, spoke with gutter press hacks, opining that “Course it’s spot on, revoking his knighthood for making a right bollocks of the Royal Bank of Scumland. Just look at the resulting collateral damage with the share price at a mere 27 pence - down 48% over the last year – which is the pits considering it was at a high of 370 pence in 2007. Plus 21,000 RBS staff out of a job – all of whom can now finally drive the last needle into their Fred the Shred voodoo dolls – even though the knobhead did walk away with a mega-bucks golden handshake and an intact pension worth £350,000 quid a year.”

“But at the end of the day Goodwin’s just a token sacrificial scapegoat – stripped of his Tony Bliar era New Labour knighthood – although I’d like to raise the question of when did gross incompetence become a criminal offence – and more to the point, what about the legions of others who played casino style Russian roulette and had to be bailed out?”

“So, we ponder, is this decision going to be made de rigueur? Is every bankster with an honorary royal title going to have it stripped if they go broke or get prosecuted? That’s a move which will probably include half the peers with criminal convictions infesting the House of Lords – the likes of that Jeffrey Archer twat for one – and it brings to mind all the crim’s and villains who copped for titles from Harold ‘Red Mole’ Wilson on his Lavender List – which he had to write out with his Soviet handler Marcia Williams - old Lady Forkbender - peering over his shoulder.”

“Okay, so Goodwin didn’t actually commit a criminal offence. However there’s loads of different photos of the smarmy twat plastered all over the gutter press tabloids and the internet media with him behind the wheel of his motor with a cellphone stuck in his ear while he’s driving along – so why hasn’t the Plod Squad arrested him for this stellar motoring offence and dished out a whopping fine and a shedload of penalty points?”

Thought for the day. It’s a controversial paradox that Goodwin suffered the indignity and public stigma of being stripped of his knighthood – yet was never convicted of a criminal offence. Conversely that is simply due the fact Broken Britain’s laws don’t cover the crime of bankrupting a premier financial institution – whereas in backward Third World shitholes such as Saudi Arabia you get a hand cut off for shoplifting a bite to eat - yet here in the UK social services step in to feed the offender and award them up to £26,000 in welfare benefits.

Further to the lunacy, how about extending this principle, this dodgy revoking of honours and awards doctrine, to an international scale – and clawing back the Kenyan cuckoo’s Nobel Peace Prize (read ‘Hypocrisy Prize’) awarded to Obama for causing more wars than enough? Then we have the 2007 Peace Prize awarded jointly to the bureaucratic disaster known as the IPCC and the failed politician and self-styled scaremonger Al Bore for his conspired and conjured ‘Convenient Pile of Bullshit’ global warming scam that was concocted by the Shylock banksters to create their money-grubbing Carbon Credits Cap & Trade bourse which has since gone tits up due an unpredicted Busby Berkeley spectacular incidence of Ross Island penguins dying of hypothermia and Alaskan polar bear sweat freezing into icicles.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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