Sunday, 12 February 2012

Crazy Krauts Guilty of Tithead Terror Plot

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Two German nationals were meted out harsh penalties by a judge at the Old Bailey earlier this week after pleading guilty to possessing documents useful to the sworn enemies of the Western democratic system – specifically a copy of the Jolly Jihadists ‘Terrorism for Dummies’.

Feryl Beryl McSkanger, 28, a former drummer with the Kraut girl band Gladys Gorgon & the Grottmeisters – along with Toxic Trudi Trollenberg, 23, a masseuse at Munich’s Happy Ending Rub n Tug Salon - both converts to Islam and originally from Dorkburg in Bavaria - were arrested last July as they tried to enter the UK via Dover wearing, respectively, an ‘Al Qaeda Rules’ t-shirt and a ‘Taliban Dan’s the Man’ hoodie – and will be automatically deported from the UK once they serve their 300 hour Community Service Order sentences of pavement licking around central London.

In summing up for the trial jury of twelve non-Muslims, Judge Hamon de Mattoid, described the extremist literature in their possession on how to cause another Ice Age as "chilling reading".

Some of the documents the pair carried were electronic copies of Inspire magazine, an English publication launched by al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) – an off-shoot of the main group and the one-time power base for Anwar al Wicky-Wacky, a Yemeni preacher who was killed by a clutch of Shitehawk missiles fired into a patio jacuzzi by a US MQ-9 Reaper drone last September as he was taking his scheduled yearly bath.

McSkanger and Trollenberg had originally planned to drive from London to Egypt and join the Arab Spring uprising in Cairo’s Tahrir Square - but when they discovered the Mediterranean Sea might prove an obstacle for their VW Beetle they stowed away on a Fed-Ex ’White Tottie Whores’ resupply flight to Dubai - the world’s biggest unfinished building site and terrorist processing centre.

Here they contacted their Facebook buddy Shaheed bin Ka-Boom, a former al Qaeda suicide bomber who tutored them in the art of improvised explosive devices and how to poison an entire city’s water supply with toxic materials – such a chucking two buckets of KFC chicken nuggets or McD’s chew n spew cheese burgers into a reservoir along with a couple of cans of aspartame-laden soft drinks and a bottle of fluoride-rich dental gobwash.

Another well-highlighted article in the terrorist manual recommended the removal of the blade guards from a lawn mower then driving it around a crowded shopping mall to kill as many of the enemies of Allah – the insidious supporters of the Great Satan - as possible before they ran out of fuel.

Ms Mingeeter Dildodo QC, for the defence, told the court that both Ms McSkanger and Ms Trollenberg now regretted forsaking the privileges of their birthright democratic freedoms and had experienced a very difficult six months in Long Lartin Prison while on remand – getting rogered up the back passage by groups of nasty foreign types on a daily basis and wanted nothing more than to be allowed to carry out their assigned end game mission as suicide bombers and ascend to Paradise.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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