Plod Squad Cutbacks? Not for Abu Qatada

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

New Labour’s child leader Ed Millipede took time off from studying for his 11-plus exams to speak in the House of Conmans yesterday afternoon and tear into the Libservative Coalition’s gross mishandling of the Abu Qatada al-Filistini deportation case.

“Despite the barmy ruling by the European Court that packing this Abu Qatada bloke off back to Jordan - where he’s wanted on terrorism charges – is a breach of his human rights due the fact Amman’s security services will give him a good kicking – might well be the Libservative Coalition’s excuse for releasing him from HMP Long Lartin and letting the radical sod loose around Wembley but it simply isn’t good enough. This man is an Islamic Jihadist hate-mongering cleric and a threat to our national security.”

“Cabbage Patch Dave needs to focus on the human rights and safety of British citizens – not some nasty Muslim scrote who’s never heard of Mr Gillette and had a shave – or a wash by the look of the grungy git. Okay, he might be on a 22 hour curfew but he could also be in his kitchen all day and night, cooking up black pepper and peroxide bombs like Mohammed al Patsy and the other Leeds terrorists didn’t use to blow up the tube trains and the bus on 7/7.”

The gospel according to a report in this morning’s Scaremongers Gazette, Abu Qatada’s release from prison is set to cost Broken Britain’s taxpayers £10,000 quid per week, with a team of up to sixty Plods Squad and MI5 agents now providing 24/7 round-the-clock protection for the man described as Osama bin Laden’s ambassador in Europe since he returned to his family’s secret London address (69, Scumbag Crescent, Wembley) – which is costing £1,900 a month in housing benefit.

Under the terms of his release, Abu Qatada, founder of the Jordanian Halitosis Society, must abide by a 22-hour curfew, wear an electronic tag and is banned from using the internet or telephone or being in possession of cocoa cans and lengths of string – or keeping carrier pigeons or sending smoke signals from his back garden.

While Labour’s Ed Millipede might be spitting the dummy for reasons of political posturing this certainly is not the case down in Wembley where 96-year old Mrs Agnes Titwank informed one press hack from the Jihadists Gazette “It’s all a pile of effin’ crap – we’ve got these yobsters from the Scally Alley housin’ estate comin’ round here wiv their anti-social behaviour attitudes an’ chuckin’ shit at yer windows an’ kickin’ me cat an’ yer call up the effin’ plods on 999 an’ they sez they’re too effin’ busy round the corner at Mr Abu Qatada’s place on Scumbag Crescent guardin’ him an’ his family from the EDL an’ BNP assassins.”

“Bollocks ter the grungy twat I sez - sod him an’ deport him back ter effin’ Jordan an’ if he gets tortured, well tough shit. Just get shut of the prick – let him go and hate someone else’s democratic freedoms.”

Thought for the day: Hmmm, what irony and hypocrisy that while this venomous scrote can’t be deported as such might breach his human rights, British citizens can be stuck on extraordinary rendition flights from the UK to the Great Satan any day of the week – with appeals for trial and imprisonment at home falling on deaf ears – with Garry McKinnon in mind (amongst others) who faces a lengthy jail term in one of the good ole US of A’s sodomite paradises for making a fool of the NASA and CIA computer security systems by hacking into their UFO files.

To misquote Dicken’s Mr. Bumble: “If that sir is the law, then the law is an ass!”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.