Tevez Rabies Scare was ‘Distemper’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Manchester City soccer team’s rabid star forward, Carlos Tevez - currently AWOL in Argentina and recovering from a bad case of ‘aggravated distemper’ brought about by team manager Roberto Mancini telling him to get off his arse and go score some goals against Bayern Munich at Bavaria’s Allianz Arena last September without adding the prefix ‘Please’ – spoke yesterday with a press hack from the Dummy Spitters Gazette, revealing that he’s ready to return to the Etihad Stadium and the Blues team as long as Mancini stops treating him like a dog.

“This shit Mancini, he is horrible towards me, swearing in Italian and wants me to wear a collar and keep me on a leash. Then he kicks a ball onto the pitch at our Carrington training ground and says “Fetch!” - and if I get the ball he pats me on the head and says “Good boy, Carlos” and tosses me a Bonibix.”

“It is very humiliating to have to sit up and beg, then shake a paw and bark on command - and roll over and play dead – that is why I filed complaints of ill-treatment with the FA - ‘and’ the RSPCA – before I lose it and bite him.”

Thought for the day. Well, there’s bound to be a problem when prima donnas collide. Okay, now here’s the question - for £200,000 quid a week would you wear a dog collar and play ’Fetch’?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.