Monday, 17 August 2009

Poaching Pikeys Banned From Fish Farm

Jacko McTwat, a Smegmashire fish farm owner, has banned Eastern European anglers from his lands claiming they have been stealing the pond stock – both aquatic and wildfowl.

Mr McTwat of Scumford Sands has erected a sign at the entrance to his farm prohibiting the bagging of landed fish and banning ‘Polack Pikey types’ but has denied racial undertones – even though the sign’s written in the Cyrillic language and makes direct reference to ‘swan-roasting scum’.

McTwat claims he is only protecting his property and those he caught had ignored his warnings - and continued to steal not only landed fish but also snared or hooked his wildfowl – including water hens, coots, cormorants, mallard, swans – and several of his stock of Arctic Flamingos – a listed and endangered species.

However the government’s Racial Inequality Agency - and the Human Rights and Wrongs Commission state that it is unlawful to refuse a service on grounds of race under the Race Relations Act – even if the person – or persons – being refused said service are suspected – or proven - thieving pikey types.

Conversely Ms. Fellatia Sodomberg of the Environment Agency’s legal department, told a reporter from the Xenophobia Review that anyone who takes fish – or wildfowl - from private property could be prosecuted under the Thieving Gits Act 2001.

Magda Fuctifino and Rikta Skagg from the Squatford Pikey’s Paradise Caravan Park at neighbouring Bellend-on-Sea, who moved to the UK from Cracow in May of this year, claim the sign should be removed.

Rikta told Pox News “The sign has offensive words and we think that the owner of the lake has gone too far. He told me and Magda to go and ‘fuck off’ while we were only halfway though cooking a spit-roast duck and some nice trout for our picnic lunch.”
“We do not have this problem in Poland – we go and catch a carp and all sit round the lake’s edge on Christmas Day and barbeque it.”

Smegmashire Valley Police claim they have received no complaints or reports of the theft of farm stock from Mr McTwat but state if he does files charges against Polish pikeys poaching his pike then they will investigate and make arrests accordingly.

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