Thursday, 6 August 2009

£350 Tax to Park your Car at Work

If you’re still fortunate enough to have a job to go to five days a week to earn an honest dollar and not been laid off or made redundant in the deepening recession, then Prime Munster Gordon Incapability Brown and his New Labour muppets have yet another trick up their sleeves to further endear themselves to the voting British public - by taxing your parking space at work.

Commuters who drive to work in their car – or pony and trap - face a new 'parking tax' of up to £350 a year.
Labour’s scumbag Business Secretary Lord Peter Scandalson –aka Vermin in Ermine – and his team of Fraggle Rock refugees have conjured up a new money-spinning 'workforce parking levy' which will be imposed in 2010 around the Metropolitan area and is likely to be adopted across the country as de rigeur.

The pilot scheme will see firms with more than ten parking places for staff charged £250 a year for each, rising to £350 in two years – and so on.
Further, employers will be encouraged to pass on the charge to their hapless staff - meaning it would effectively be a tax on driving to work.

The scheme is being foisted with the aim of reduce congestion by deterring unnecessary car journeys and raise funds to improve public transport, but critics declare it is just an excuse for local authority councils to fill their coffers with bundles of cash to invest – and lose yet again - in dodgy Icelandic banks.

Some ten million Britons still drive to work when they're not on short time and can afford the gasoline, and the British Chamber of Commerce beancounters estimate the new charge could generate well over £7 billion annually if rolled out nationwide.

Already some firms in London have told Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsene to ‘stuff it’ and threatened to leave the city, where 400,000 commuters use their car to get to work during the week.

Ghengis Mctwat, a spokesman for the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous?) told one reporter from the Daily Shitraker that the scheme was nothing more than a 'tax on jobs'.
'It is very unjust - discriminating against those employers who have parking spaces, which gets vehicles off the street,' he opined. 'These tariffs apply around the clock, which is especially unfair on shift workers who rely on their cars because public transport doesn’t run after dark due marauding gangs of drugged-up nymphomaniac yobettes prowling the city’s streets.”

'This is more about generating a revenue scheme than reducing congestion and will require even more local Gestapo snitches and grassers to enforce it properly.'

The Minister for Suntans, Sadiq Khan, who currently chairs the Transport Commission, gave the plan the Whitehall seal of approval yesterday during a working lunch at Whitehall’s premier Rub and Tug massage parlour.
The commission claims the levy will raise £100 bilion over ten years - one fifth of the cost of creating an updated pension scheme for MP’s and civil service mandarins.

However Conservative shadow transport spokesbitch Fellatia van der Gobble told Pox News the tax would have a devastating impact on businesses struggling to cope with the recession.

Conversely, Robin Gitt of the Campaign for No-Nonsense Government claimed the levy would raise money to invest in better transport systems- like rickshaws.
'It has the added benefit of tackling unnecessary commuter journeys, one of the main causes of congestion,' he opined, “Plus most people will simply say “Fuck it” and not bother going to work anymore – then we can outsource everything to India.”

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