Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Blasphemy Back on UK Common Law Offence List

Legal action is being taken against a photographer who used a Smegmashire village church for an erotic piccy shoot without first seeking Vatican approval from the heresy-chasing Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

Photos of the porno’ models, some of whom were partially-clothed and in black leather and latex fetish gear, were taken inside and outside St Sodom’s Church of Latter Day Pederasts at Smegmadale-on-Sea.

Scunthorpe-based photographer Rupert Fuctifino is now the subject of legal action by Father Hector McTwat, the parish priest - for the Inquisition themed – and archaic - charge of blasphemy.

However, Mr Fuctifino, a former tortoise polisher who gained national fame for his 60 meter high ‘Nogson of the North’ wrought iron sculpture, erected on a Morecambe Bay tidal beach to commemorate the drowning of a horde of Viking cockle pickers in 649 AD - claims he used the 13th Century church for the fetish photo shoot because he had seen it in the recent comedy movie ‘Keeping Schtum’ – which starred Rowan Ratkinson, the soon-to-be ‘late’ Patrick Sleazy and Klaus Barbie look-alike Ms. Slaggie Schmidt.

Fuctifino claims he admired the Gothic architecture and wanted the pictures to add to his portfolio of fetishist and erotic photography.
“All I know is I'm being threatened with legal action, I don't understand it and I don't see the photographs as offensive, it's art – even the one’s with the two girls doing a 69 on each other over the altar."

Mr. Fuctifino has now received a letter from Fleecems, the firm of solicitors representing St. Sodoms Church, which describes blasphemy as the "publication of contemptuous, reviling, scurrilous or ludicrous matter relating to God, Jesus Christ, the Bible or the formularies of the Church of Rome".

Junior partner of the firm, Sue Fleecem informed a reporter from the Litigators Gazette "Our clients at St. Sodoms believe that a number of these photographs constitute blasphemous material and we intend to harass Rupert Fuctifino with legal threats until he offers a substantial out of court cash in hand settlement – plus costs.”

Father McTwat, the priest in charge of St Sodoms, told the Daily Shitraker "No permission was ever sought by or given to Mr Fuctifino by the churchwardens for these photographs and we are deeply shocked that he never offered – or paid – us a large amount of money such as we received from Scumbag Entertainment when they contracted to use the church premises to film ‘Keeping Schtum. "

Jeremy Dorkford, a chartered accountant and financial advisor to the Diocese of Smegmashire, which is supporting the legal action, informed Pox News the church was used without permission. "The Church deplores the use of sacred space in this way.”
"By anyone's reasonable standards of decency Mr Fuctifino might have offered a large brown envelope stuffed with twenties.”

Conversely Sir Wankford de Witte QC, of Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, the defending counsel for Mr Fuctifino, opined to the media “Actually my client slipped a few quid to the Verger of St Sodoms to turn a blind eye to his photography session – which constituted informal permission.”

“Further, we shall decide this matter of offended sensibilities and blasphemy in a court of law as if the St Sodoms wardens and religious community consider a few saucy photos to be offensive towards their church then why did they wholly agree to and support its role in the Keeping Schtum film as the iconic centre for basing the fictitious priest’s mother-in-law – a recently-released serial killer – to commit repeated acts of mass murder in both the church itself and the rectory?”

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