Friday, 21 August 2009

IDF & Mossad Guilty of Jewel n Organ Thefts

In the worst scandal to hit the Israel government since the last scandal, three of the country’s top military officials have been linked to Britain's biggest ever jewellery heist in which cash, gemstones and other assorted high-value crap worth up to £45 million were stolen.

According to a report in the Kike Watchers Gazette, three senior officials in the Israeli military were the main shareholders of the company responsible for guarding Mr. Oppenslimer’s De Queers Diamond Merchants & Jewellers in Blonde Street, central London, where the robbery took place.

The Universal Shysters Group (USG) were contracted to assume charge of the security of the premises after a group of Albanian pikeys -- dubbed the Pink Poofters gang -- carried out an armed raid on the same store in May 2005, taking off with a haul of several million quids-worth of gilded tat, chrome bling and teddy bear’s eyeballs.

Shylock Weaselberg, former Mossad chief and Maj. Gen. Sheldon Shitestein, chief of intelligence in the Israeli army, reportedly resigned from their directorships of the London-based USG group just two days before the latest heist.

The third principal shareholder of the security company is Israeli Prime Minister Binman Nuttyahoo's special adviser on dodgy deals - General Jaackov Scumbaum.

The August 6th raid, which had all the makings of a blockbuster movie, was carried out by two smartly dressed men, who spoke Hebrew to each other in an East Jerusalem accent, and were disguised with make-up professionally layered on latex masks to resemble Statler and Waldorf – the geriatric duo in the audience loge seats at the Muppet Show.

In just minutes, the Gang of Two drew handguns, grabbed a female member of staff by the short and curlies and headed for the exit with a haul of £45 million in cash, precious metals, gemstones, jewellery and scratch cards - all loaded into a Greedy Grocer supermarket trolley.

They fired warning shots at a potential have-a-go Big Issue salesperson, Jimbo McTwat, then jumped onto a passing bendy bus and abandoned their hostage, speeding off through Mayfair.

No one was injured in the incident but several staff and passers-by actually suffered involuntary bladder and bowel movements.

An international manhunt has been in progress following the derring-do raid with poor Mr. Oppenslimer’s insurers offering a one million-pound reward for information leading to the capture of the thieves and recovery of the high value haul.

In a remarkable coincidental aside that cropped up on the Interpol website while researching the De Queers robbery, Heinz Kuntlecken, a reporter for the leading German newspaper - Der Scheisseraker – stumbled onto a joint Red Cross and Amnesty International report that Israeli soldiers are guilty of kidnapping young Palestinians around the West Bank and Gaza to steal their organs and sell them in the black market : via an offshore company – recently identified as the Universal Shysters Group (USG) - owned by three high ranking Israeli military officials - specifically Messers Shylock Weaselberg, Maj. Gen. Sheldon Shitestein and General Jackov Scumbaum.

The report claims Israeli soldiers from the IDF’s Sabra Genocide Battalion, commanded by Maj. Gen. Sheldon Shitestein, abduct young Palestinians from the West Bank and Gaza Strip and return their bodies – usually deceased - to their families after removing their organs.

One of Hamas’ Gaza Gangster pathologists has recently been carrying our post mortems on the returned cadavers only to find every possible transplantable organ had been harvested – including testicles and prostate glands - after the victims were snuffed by asphyxiation.

Der Scheisseraker has now linked the Palestinian youth kidnappings and organ removals to a recently busted Jewish synagogue crime syndicate in New Jersey, which was involved in – believe it or not - organ smuggling.

Several American rabid Rabbis have so far been arrested in connection to the case and the files, accounts, records and office computers of the Jersey-based Universal Shysters Group SA that was responsible for smuggling the organs into the US were seized by the FBI.

Jersey Rabbi Seymour Weaselberg, the 63-year old younger brother of ex-Mossad chief Shylock, was arrested by FBI agents last week for allegedly serving as the USG’s broker in the sale of dodgy transplant organs – in a flagrant breach of the 1984 National Organ Transplant Act – which is punishable by up to five years in prison and a $50,000 fine – for landless peasant goyim types anyway.

According to the charges against him Weaselberg & Co. would smuggle the stolen organs into the US from Palestine where they could sell - say a kidney - for as much as $160,000 – less a small discount for Freemasons.

The FBI is now by-passing the pro-Zionist Israeli government (in Tel Aviv – not the White House) and obtaining DNA samples from the Palestinian youth corpses in Gaza to match against the organs seized from the cold storage room located in the basement of Rabbi Weaselberg’s USG offices in Jersey.

Certain honest FBI agents are optimistic and hopeful they will see the accused Rabbi’s – and their murderous Israeli body-snatching suppliers - brought before an international court of law to be prosecuted for their crimes against humanity - although the realists are not holding their breath while White House Chief of Staff Hymie Slimeberger still controls the Barky O’Barmy puppet’s strings.

Converse sectarian opinion might hypothesise that it’s not exactly kosher getting an Arab goyim testicle transplanted and knowing your next little Shylock has been fathered by semen from a pair of Palestinian Muslim bollocks – not to mention what good Jewish girls like little Miriam might have been swallowing - Ugh! – perish the thought.

Did you think the sun-tanned robber in the London jewellery heist looked more like O.J. Simpson than Statler? Have you had any organs stolen by the Israeli Military Mafia or Mossad while vacationing in Israel to see what is was like to be born in a manger - or get crucified on two big pieces of wood? How lively are the lap dancing bars around the Dead Sea? Does Holy Land tourism suck for you?

How would you rate your Gaza trip’s bed and breakfast arrangements? – Satisfactory? – Too much gunfire? - More white phosphorous burns than suntan? Did you get thrown out of your West Bank hotel to make way for another kibbutz?

Send us your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a discount kidney or whole liver transplant – guaranteed free of bullet holes, shrapnel wounds and depleted uranium contamination– to

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