Friday, 7 August 2009

Germans Upset Known Universe Yet Again

An anthem sung by fans of the German football club FC Dumkopf Schittes 04 has drawn protests from soccer-hating Muslims around the world because of its negative reference to the Prophet Muhammad.

The Wesphalia Gelsenkirchen-based club, which plays in Germany's top league, the Bundeskunts, has now hired the services of a team of Islamic cultural consultants from the Tel Aviv-based ‘Islamophobia PR Inc’. to research and evaluate whether the song might – or might not - be insulting to Muslims.

The third verse contains the words – literally translated into colloquial English: "Muhammad was a scumbag prophet who understood sweet fuck all about schnitzel or bratwurst or soccer - but knew that the Dumkopf Schittes’ blue and white colours beats Islam’s grotty green.”

The club’s press office has received thousands of exploding e-mails - and envelopes containing soiled underwear - from angry Muslims recently, since Istanbul’s Turkish Delight Weekly carried reports about the song being sung by the soccer club’s predominantly neo-Nazi skinhead youth supporters.

Police in Gelsenkirchen, in the industrial Ruhr region of western Germany, say they are taking the exploding Muslim e-mails quite seriously as several of the soccer club’s - and supporters - computers and Blackberry’s have been damaged so far. The skidmarks on the soiled jocks have been DNA typed and do match samples obtained from known militant Jolly Jihad operatives

The head of Germany's Central Council of Muslims Against Football, Mustafa Krappe, said his group would demand an immediate ban on the anthem and further renditions of the offensive song might well result in the launch of a European jihad against FC Dumkopf Schittes 04 club supporters.

The German online news website has researched the soccer club’s records and discovered the song was actually written in 1924 by Frankie Goebbels – the well-known Bavarian composer and elder brother of the infamous Teddy Goebbels – inventor of the left-handed fly swatter.

However it is not clear if the Prophet Muhammad reference was in the original words or have been surreptitiously sneaked into the club anthem’s lyrics at a later date by neo-Nazi racist elements among the Dumkopf Schittes 04 club supporters – or by Zionist Israeli agent provocateurs eager to drag Germany into it’s anti-Arab / Muslim conflicts in the Middle East.

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