Thursday, 13 August 2009

Alabama Boy Jailed for Yawning

When Jefferson O’Dinga III attended a courtroom hearing in Alabama’s Redneck County to hear a fellow black brother’s sentencing on drug charges little did he suspect he would be the one going to jail.

As Circuit Judge Billy Bob McTwat was lecturing the accused, Washington Pineapple IV, on the evils of snorting rhubarb and peddling the narcotic substance to pre-schoolers before sentencing him to ten years chained to the oars of one of the US Navy's all-new CO2-reduced slave galleys, O’Dinga apparently yawned out of boredom - an act that earned him six months in jail on contempt of court charges, according to a report in today’s KKK Gazette.

The broad discretion of judges to control their courts has, on a legion of past occasions, prompted McTwat to file contempt charges against people for everything from nose picking to having a permanent sun tan to not switching off their cell phones to looking 'suspiciously Arabic'.

However O’Dinga’s father, Jefferson O’Dinga II, told Pox News he was 'fucked for words' by the sentence - the maximum issued for a contempt charge without a jury trial.
“Hey, my boy was just bored shitless listening to old wobble gob sermonising his usual verbal diarrhoea to young Washington Pineapple and just yawned to stop himself falling asleep.”

Conversely court officials wholly disagreed, with state's attorney's office spokesman, Chuck Dorkpuller stating O’Dinga’s yawn was a loud and boisterous – and contemptuous - attempt to disrupt the proceedings.

Apparently Billy Bob McTwat holds a well-earned reputation around the Alabama court circuit for being a hanging judge with cancer of the personality and a particularly rabid streak when it comes to courtroom decorum, issuing contempt charges at the highest rate of any judge in the US.

According to court gossip Judge McTwat suffered a massive sense of humour failure three years ago when his wife Betsy was triple-hole gang-raped by a band of the Hell’s Morons Chapter of Latter Day Bikers while on a camping vacation in Utah.
Chronic physical afflictions including galloping scrotum rot, an ingrowing foreskin and suppurating haemorrhoids are rumoured to be further provocations for his acerbic temperament.

Interviewed by Pox News Judge McTwat wholly denied that his position of Grand Imperial Muppet of the Masonic Ku Klots Klan influenced his rulings or sentencing where unemployed miscreants of African origins were concerned.

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