Thursday, 27 August 2009

How Council Scumbags Spend Your Taxes

First it was the Royal Family parasites, then MPs, then BBC exec’s - and now the sometimes comical extravagant expenses of the UK’s gluttonous council chief executives have been revealed to the gutter press for purview and a well-deserved slagging off in the public domain.

A Sunday Shitraker investigation based on Freedom of Information requests and reports received anonymously under the 2005 Snitch and Grassers Act has laid bare the expenses of more than 100 chief executives over the past year, with the results revealing claims on council taxpayers of zillions of pounds.

Apart from lavish meals, luxury hotel stays, pseudo-working vacations to tropical locations and countless light year distances of petrol claims, the executives have been reimbursed for such ostentatious and extravagant delights as a box of imported Cambodian Pol Pot insta-noodles, a singing sea bass for the office wall, Preparation H haemhorroid ointment, Super-Blue Viagra tablets and dog licence fees.

Conversely some grasping gits claimed for items as trivial as a £1.00 Big Issue, a 20 pence public toilet receipt and a Poundstretcher pack of cheese and biscuits.

The expenses were filed as many local authorities introduced massive council tax hikes to pay for them and still run some pathetic semblance of a council service – such as emptying dustbins every two weeks and employing gangs of spies from Renta-Snitch.

The role of council authority chief executive was introduced into local government in 1974 as a method of rewarding Masonic toadies for their partisan political activities – with these inept clots growing steadily more powerful and voracious – and now receiving a very basic 'minimum' salary of £125,000.

While any council employee is allowed to charge the local authority for reasonable costs incurred while performing their duties, council chiefs' expense claims are signed off by local authority finance directors who are subordinate to them – hence posing the obvious question as to whether they represent an effective safeguard against potential abuse by their superiors.

Questionable expenses were claimed to fund trips to a supposed property conference on the Ross Ice Shelf, a family trip to the 2008 Beijing Olympics, and a fact-finding mission to Tobago by Bellend-on-Sea council exec’ Quentin Scrunt and his secretary Fellattia, to evaluate the quality of the sand on the beaches in comparison to their own seaside location.

Lib-Dem MP for Old Scrotum, Sir Mingin Campbell called for a reform to the dodgy expenses system, adding: ''This tawdry tale of junkets and jollies for people earning over a hundred thousand pounds a year is matched only by their pathetic attempts to claim back a 60p parking ticket.”

Mary von Grunt, the chief executive of Grotty Greenwich Council, weighs in with a salary of £182,000 and hit her council tax payers with an expenses bill for not one – but ‘two’ - trips to Beijing during the 2008 Olympics costing over £8,000 – including – believe it or not - £60 for nine tins of biscuits bought as ‘gifts’.
Hairy Mary told a reporter from the Greedy Gits Gazette that “the visits were to promote inward investment, education and cultural exchange.' Yeah, right on, Mary.

Joe ‘Vera’ Ducksbill, now chief executive of the career criminal-run Newham Council after being ousted from the same position on the Isle of Wight Council for less than 18 months between 2006 and 2008 due dodgy dealings - weighs in with a bloated salary of £240,000.
If salary was paid on merit and performance then Vera wouldn’t even qualify for the UK’s minimum wage bracket.
Vera’s claim to fame in the burgeoning expenses scandal is the £50 bill he submitted for a ‘Sammy the Singing Sea Bass’ ornament for his office wall – batteries not included.

Stephen Screws, chief executive of Brum’s City Council weighs in with a salary of £210,000 and claimed - with ridiculous absurdity - £485 on a dinner meeting to discuss how to achieve 'efficiency savings' at the council – and sinks low enough to submit one expense of a 20 pence turnstile charge for use of a public urinal.

And the list goes endlessly on.

Stop press item : UK council taxes forecast to rise for 2010 period.

Would you like an expense account to match your council exec’s? Would you bother claiming for shitty little mini-pence outlays or just go for the mega-bucks junkets? Has your wheelie bin been emptied since Christmas? Do you think Guy Fawkes and the Angry Anarchists Brigade should be given a second chance?

Send us your comments using the online form below and you could win an all-expenses paid trip to your local landfill site.

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