Thursday, 13 September 2012

Wills n Katie on Third World Asia Tour

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The fascist city-state island republic of Singapore was yesterday treated to the dubious honour of a visit by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (Prince Willy Windsor and Katie Middleclass) as part of their Diamond Jubilee tour of the Far East and Pacific region.

The young royals were dutifully trekked around a variety of ‘touristy’ spots in the stifling humid ‘Clean n Green’ metropolis by their hosts, with a visit to the 250-odd acre Gardens by the Bay topping the agenda - to view an orchid named after Princess Diana, Wills’ late mother, murdered by royal decree back in 1997 for having the audacity of not only upsetting the BAE Systems board of directors with her anti-land mine campaigns but also getting herself in the family way through shagging a Muslim costermonger’s son.

Other stops on the schedule included Queenstown – a slum suburb built on a swamp that was so named to mark the Queen’s coronation in 1953 when Singapore was still under the British colonial jackboot - before Triad boss Harry Lee (Lee Kwan Yew) seized power following independence, imprisoned all political opposition on trumped up charges of Communist subversion and established a graft and corruption-ridden ruling family dynasty – with son ‘Baby God’ Lee Hsien Loony now the incumbent Slime Minister – for life.

In accordance with the protocols of diplomatic correctness – engaging brain before opening gob – to avoid a repeat faux pas of Biblical proportions like grandfather, His Royal Rudeness, Prince Stavros of Edinburgh, and references to slanty-eyed Chinks, Prince Wills, wearing a ‘Fine City’ souvenir t-shirt, was treated to a tour of a HUD mass slum housing project.
Wearing safety helmets and with their close-in security detail on the lookout for any ‘incoming’ lumps of Singapore’s notorious ‘killer litter’ – (fridges, stoves, sofas – launched over the side of a 12th floor balcony) – Wills and Kate posed for photos with a bunch of commoners – laughing along with the crowd as their interpreter translated such comments as “He doesn’t look much like the new Anti Christ to me – where’s his horns and pointed tail?”

The couple’s ‘Grand Tour’ at the British taxpayers’ expense runs until the 19th September and will also take in the KL capital of homophobic Malaya and a gay-bashing exhibition. While in the East Malaysian Sarawak / Sabah portion of the rainforest-clad island of Borneo, Wills shook hands, shared a banana and bonded with a ginger-mingin orang-utan, commenting to press hacks “This reminds me of having a picnic with my ginger-mingin brother Harry.”

Conversely, their brief stop-over in Brunei for lunch at Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah’s gold-plated Istana Nurul Iman Palace was cut short when tempers became frayed after the lecherous and polygamous Sultan got his face slapped by Mrs Windsor for groping her ass and commenting she had a fine pair of child-bearing hips, then offering Wills a swap with one of his harem’s ex-Brunei Airlines stewardess three-hole concubines.

Rounding off their Singapore tour of glad-handing and kissing sweaty babies, the couple were dragged around the Rolls-Royce aerospace factory at Seletar where Katie fitted the last of 24 carbon fibre turbo-fan blades to a Trent 1000 jet engine scheduled to power a Boeing 787 Dreamliner aircraft – with canny press hacks giving each other the nod to avoid flying that class of plane for a while - just in case any turbine bits came loose and fell off while airborne.

Stop press: Drop the dead donkey / forget Prince Harry starkers with cock hanging out in Sin City. Need full Page 3 spread of latest pix of Kate Middleclass on holiday in France flashing her tits for the paparazzi.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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