Sunday, 9 September 2012

QE2 Still Rules Broken Britannia

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Details of secret powers held by senior members of the UK’s Royal Reptile Family granting veto over all government legislation - known as the ‘Scrotum Stranglehold Codicil’ and written with invisible ink on the back of the Magna Carta by King John the Twat in 1215 - could be made public if a decision by the Information Commissioner gets past the scrutiny of QE2’s legal beagles.

Downing Street’s Cabinet Office has been put on notice to hand over papers which guide ministers when - (every time) and how - (on bended knees) to consult HRH Queen Brenda and Prince Chazzer concerning the introduction of fresh legislation to govern the tax-paying common herd – and His Royal Rudeness, Prince Stavros of Edinburgh, on matters concerning the opening hours for kebab shops and approval of regulations concerning the EU-mandated constituency of Greek yoghourt.

This follows a Freedom of Information request by a bunch of Bolshie anti-monarchist campaigners simply out to stir the shit and cause trouble over concerns involving the Prince of Wales's intervention in the public life of bog-standard Britain on vital issues ranging from the size of cabbages in supermarkets to the colour of garden sheds to the top end volume setting / decibel level of cellphones.

However, the crucial factor driving the FoI request concerns the siting of wind farms, of which the Chazzer is an ardent fan for their renewable energy feature – as long as they’re not erected on his land or anywhere else they might spoil his view when out on avian-watch missions, spying on the breeding habits of the Lesser-Spotted Killiwacky bird.

Prince Chazzer has been asked to consent to a legion of draft bills during the past two Parliaments. Among the issues are those relating to his role as head of the Duchy of Cornflakes, which provides his £17 million quid’s worth of annual private income - most of which is spent on fags for his chain-smoking troll of a missus, Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole.

Under the arcane system - which should by rights have been binned along with the rest of the feudal bullshit - the Duchy, incidentally the UK's biggest landowner, gets involved with legislation affecting issues such as the minimum size of goldfish bowls and parakeet cages – and too the diameter of hamster treadmills.
Further, Chazzer's views have also been sought on matters referring to statute measures for double-scoop ice cream cornets, and more recently, in his royal role as the invested Prince of Wales, the revised penalty for sheep shagging under EU law.

So as not to draw public attention to the fact that QE2 Brenda and Prince Chazzer hold covert sway over the everyday doings of PM Posh Dave Scameron and the rest of our muppet Parliament, the Cabinet Office is seriously considering whether to appeal the decision under some nonsensical ‘national security’ clause.

The Duchy of Cornflakes and the Cabinet Office have fought to keep documents advising ministers on protocol secret, insisting the role of senior royals telling the government which end is up is a royal prerogative which has nothing to do with the common herd.

Conversely, Ron McScrote, the director of the civil rights group Twat-Watch, had this to say to one press hack from the Plutocracy Gazette. “Here we are, livin’ under an effin’ feudal system wot poses as a sham of bein’ a democracy an’ we still got the jackboot on the backs of our necks an’ foolin’ ourselves inter thinkin’ we got an elected government wot does the voter’s biddin’.”

“This tosspot Prince Chazzer’s the type of bloke wot thinks wood grows on trees, an‘ he’s the heir-apparent for fuck’s sake, an’ a bona-fide plant whispering head banger. Then yer got Queen Brenda an’ her effin’ husband, that Greek twat Stavros, him wiv the narcissistic personality disorder an’ deranged sense of self-righteousness wot boasts he wants ter get re-incarnated as a deadly virus an’ wipe out all the useless eaters – hopefully startin’ wiv his own slack-arsed scroungin’ clan - this over-privileged elitist ‘regal’ fraternity wiv their absurd sense of entitlement.”

“It’s about effin’ time Broken Britain’s brain-dead public shrugged off their complacency an’ the cognitive dissonance wot comes wiv believing owt the government an’ state controlled media tells us – an’ stopped all this Diamond Jubilee flag-wavin’ bullshit an’ woke up ter the fact we’re bein’ ruled by a bunch of money-grubbing, slack-jawed Saxe-Coburg-Gotha scumbags, misgenated wv bat-eared Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Gl├╝cksburg Huns – ter produce litters of psychotic mongrels wot’s been swimmin’ fer centuries, nay millenniums, at the shallow end of the gene pool.”

“The lot of them, our manky monarch included, are a cabal of bona-fide dog wankers (a mutant sub-set genus in the fuckwit / tosspot classification index of Linnaean taxonomy). The whole shebang’s a bunch of princess-murderin’, occult symbolism-crazed, Devil-worshippin’ homicidal maniacs wot likes nowt better than tuckin’ in ter one of their special Balmoral Breakfasts – tender cuts of pan-fried foetus freshly ripped from the womb of some hapless virgin wot woz personally rogered by Satan himself.”

“Just look at this double-dip recession we’re mired in and wot the powers that be are passin’ off as some ‘recession’ – and that’s gonna reach a critical mass state an’ kick start an effin’ chain reaction of equal proportion ter the level of abuse the marginalised sectors of our disaffected society is gettin’ subjected ter by this joke of a Libservative Coalition government.”

“Oh yeah, there’s one hell of a socio-political storm a’brewing at a geometric rate, an’ when it reaches the SHTF stage the elitist 1% Haves pondscum will have ter face the bill for livin’ high on the hog at the expense of us – the common herd - the 99% Have Not’s.”

“So let’s get the tumbrels rollin’ an’ a campaign of regicide underway ter sort this shower of scroungin’ scum out - an’ I’m probably gonna get meself mugged by a couple of MI5 thugs an’ end up suicided in the David Kelly Memorial Woods – or chucked in the Thames, stuffed inside one of them North Face holdalls - like wot they use fer snuffin' GCHQ whistleblowers - fer gobbin’ off an’ tellin’ it the way it is.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


Anonymous said...

'Twat-Watch' - lol's - a very fitting title.

wiggins said...

Bit of a larf really because when she put her moniker to the Lisbon Treaty, she effectively signed away our country to the Brussels bureacrats.

Anonymous said...

Like the 'plant whisperer' description of 'Chazzer' - and the Gorgonzilla instead of Camilla. But she is a real troll.

Anonymous said...

Ouch - talk about anti-establishment / anti-Monarchist. Rusty's definitely a domestic terrorism target.

Fletch said...

The Scrotum Stranglehold Codicil.
Ha, is that a euphemism for "they've got us by the balls"?