Monday, 17 September 2012

Anti-Putrid Protests Rock Moscow

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Tens of thousands of political opposition supporters foot-slogged around Moscow’s dreary, potholed streets over the weekend in the pissing rain to join the biggest major protest march to be held against President Vlad Putrid’s misrule since the last big protest march.

Yabloko opposition leader Igor Pissedoffsky told one press hack from the Gulag Gazette that last December's parliamentary elections were a fraudulent sham and rigged to ensure Putrid’s ‘third term’ election as Russia’s dynastic president – with his Kleptocracy Party wunderkind stooge apprentice, Dmitry Medvedev, slotting back into the musical chairs role of Slime Minister.

“The pig-eyed Putrid is no man of the people, he is heir to the royal Tverskoy dynasty and the guardian of the oligarchs. See how he panders to the likes of zillionaire financial backers like Oleg Mobsaroubles, who bought up Gulag Gaz from that vodka sponge Boris ‘Bedsocks’ Yeltsin for kopeks, along with Michail Crooksky and his Wankprom Oil - and Alexi Sackashit, the boss of Russtheft Energy.”

Seemingly unfazed by breathing in clouds of noxious fumes erupting from the barrage of tear gas canisters fired by police – the protesters, lungs hardened and conditioned through smoking countless packs of Belmorkanal cigarettes since childhood, marched into the Kremlin’s iconic Red Square where semi-intoxicated male demonstrators pissed pure vodka onto a bonfire of Putrid propaganda posters and pre-election ‘Vote 4 Vlad’ t-shirts and banners – all to a cacophonic background echo of the jailed Pussy Riot punk band’s hit single release ‘Fuck Putrid Up the Ass’.

Once again proving beyond any doubt that he’s as popular as a leper at a christening, Putrid, an ex-KGB thug and founder of the Leningrad Halitosis Club, introduced legislation in June that bumped up the penalty for transgressing laws governing public protests – specifically those launched against his graft and corruption-ridden administration – an act viewed by his political enemies as a return to the Kafkaesque paranoia of the Stalinist Bolshevik regime where an ill-ventured sideways could land some hapless peasant in a grotty gulag for life – if not longer.

Interviewed by the Ripoffs Review at Moscow’s prestigious Despots Club, President Putrid - in the company of his Ukrainian mistress, Takem Orloff, a former stripper at Kiev’s notorious Lotsatottie Club, and winner of last year’s Strictly Come Lap Dancing competition in Moscow – related that “These protests, along with the unpatriotic criticism of my government amount to rebellion and are the dirty doings of a cabal of Menshevik terrorists bent on igniting a state of anarchy across the Motherland.”

“What ‘political prisoners’ are these they call to be freed, I ask you? We have no prisoners of conscience here – only treasonable criminals and clinically insane terrorists out to undermine the work of the state apparatus – now all safely locked behind bars in far away Siberia.”

“Just like these Pussy Riot bitches that upset the Patriarchate Archimandrite of our Orthodox Church with their sacrilege and blasphemy in Christ the Saviour Cathedral – singing anti-government lyrics while they wear balaclavas – and their leader, this Ekaterina Sluttanova, appearing on YouTube and referring to me as a dog wanker in their ‘Putin Zazhigaet Kostry’ punk prayer song.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

No comments: