Saturday, 1 September 2012

Taliban Definitely ‘Not’ Party Animals

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Questions are being raised concerning the veracity of super-moron ex-President Dubya Bush’s 2003 sweeping boast that declared the Great Satan’s ZioNazi war of aggression in Afghanland against Big Al Qaeda and the Taliban Dan Gang was a done and dusted thing following the discovery of the bodies of a group of seventeen hapless peasant types, summarily executed by radical Islamist Taliban insurgents belonging to the Jaysh al-Hisbah Brigade, in the opium-rich Bellend Province, reportedly for attending an August Bank Holiday Ann Summers ‘Sexy Burka’ party and transgressing the unwritten law of ‘having fun’.

The bodies of two women and fifteen men were found outside the Happy Ending rub n tug massage parlour in the Fesad fel Arz district, either beheaded or with throats cut after having the shit beaten out of them with a stocking full of desiccated goat shite.

Afghan President Hamid Kami-Karzai, leader of the ruling Kleptocracy Party, issued a press statement to the Jolly Jihad Gazette condemning the mass killing, which this time around he blamed on the Taliban and not the customary drunken, drug-fuelled homicidal antics of occupying US troops.
“These people are worse than the Amish and the Roman Catholic Jovinian religious sect flagellants – they are a bunch of killjoys who take the term ‘killjoy’ too literally.”
“Really, what is wrong with a bit of funky music and a sexy striptease – from burka to birthday suit – while a bunch of horny men sit around with their smart phones in video mode and pulling their plonkers? Believe me, in an area where television reception is the shits, this is a healthier adult pursuit than goat grooming or kiddie fiddling.”

In contrast the NATO-led International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) Kraut spokesman, Brigadier General Gunter Krapp opined to one press hack from the Lost Cause Review that “It is little wonder this shithole was rightly labelled the Graveyard of Empires. If it wasn’t for the Socal gas pipeline and the CIA’s black op’s opium crops, then we’d be out of here tomorrow, same as the Soviets did - and let the Taliban take over again.”

“Seriously it does my fucking head in – every day there’s more of these walking dildos posing as Afghan National Army soldiers getting blown away by the Taliban – or changing sides and pulling insider ‘green-on-blue’ attacks on our ISAF troops who are supposed to be their allies – with 42 of the Great Satan’s troops from the 18th Body Bag Regiment killed so far in such sneaky bushwhacks this year alone – and only yesterday three Aussie’s from their 21st Cannon Fodder Brigade got blown away by another ANA 5th columnist traitor. I have seen better organised riots.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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