Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Wayward Schoolgirl’s ‘Extra-Curricular’ Activities

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

CID Chief Inspector Harry ‘Pitbull’ McGnasher of the Smegmadale-on-Sea Plod Squad today informed gutter press hacks that he believes school friends of missing teenager Megan Bolter know precisely where she planned to go and could well have helped organise a ‘paths less travelled’ route so she could evade apprehension by EUSSR community Stasi officers and enjoy her ‘adventure of a lifetime’ - travelling around Europe and studying calculus and differential equations ‘up close and personal’ with her 69-year old father figure maths tutor, Jimbo McScrote.

Megan, 15, from Houdini Terraces in the quaint village of Slappers Wood, was reported missing on Friday after she failed to turn up for classes at the Bishop’s Bell End C of E School – with a police investigation revealing CCTV footage that she travelled to France in the company of McScrote on the Absconders Line ferry.

The incumbent Lib-Dum MP for Smegmadale-on-Sea, Stan Clott opined to the media that "My concerns and sympathies go out to Megan’s parents – on the one hand worrying about her getting voluntarily humped by some paedo’ predator maths teacher from her school – and secondly having the moronic likes of our local plod squad on the case who would be hard pressed to find a drift of snow in the middle of winter – never mind track down a wilful teenager out to sow her wild oats who’s on the loose somewhere in Europe and thanks to all these CIS and Spooks TV series – and the Bourne movies - intellectually trained and prepared in chameleon camouflage techniques to avoid recognition and detection.”

Conversely, CI McGnasher further revealed “Administrative staff at Bishop’s Bell End School had apparently been investigating rumours of an ‘untoward relationship’ between Megan and Mr McScrote prior to her doing a moonlight and sodding off to France – due her attending a course of after-school extra-curricular ‘comparative anatomy’ lessons with him in the playing fields groundsman’s shed - but obviously didn’t act in time to prevent this incident occurring.”

Megan’s best friend and a former classmate Bev Titwank, a 15-year old mother-of-three, currently studying for her NVQ 2 diploma in Advanced Welfare Benefit Fraud at Slappers Wood Asbo Central Academy, informed reporters “This grungy McGnasher plod wiv halitosis an’ dirty fingernails comes round ter question me an’ some other chicks wot knows Meg’ an’ sez “I’m gonna get the fuckin’ truth out of you skanger bitches one way or the other even if I’ve got ter water board every effin’ one of yer” – so we told him “Yeah right, whatever - do we give a flyin’ fuck really” - an’ ter go fuck a pig.”

“This kinda shit’s nowt new at Bishop’s Bell End School an’ the effin’ staff and plod squad know it too. It’s bin a nest of illicit sexual activities fer kiddie fiddlin’ Masonic types fer donkeys years – just like the effin’ Catholic Church.”
“Back in 2009 we had that PE teacher wot woz jailed fer seven years fer groomin’ pupils on the Dirty Doggers social networking website then got copped shaggin’ a couple of underage chick’s brains out.”

“An’ let’s not ferget that old bastard paedo perv Canon ‘Ride-em Cowboy’ wot woz made a school governor even though they knew he had a stack of child molestin’ allegations lodged against him – then the scumbag got caught rogerin’ some Boy Scout an’ ended up charged wiv 38 sexual offences against minors over an 11-year period – an’ this school’s got the balls ter defend their abysmal record of duty of care. Wot a crock of shit that is.”

Thought for the day. Hmmm, something stinks in Denmark, and it isn’t Hamlet’s socks.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.


Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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