Plod Squad Boss Breaks 11th Commandment

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a display of brazen hubris and contempt for the Yorkshire taxpayers – plus arrogantly flaunting the law of the land and strictures of polite society in general - after having the audacity to break the 11th Commandment (Thou shalt not get found out) the county police’s Chief Constable has issued a “Whoops – sorry” half-arsed apology then declared it’s "business as usual" (read ‘even more nepotism’) amidst a storm of calls for him to step down for his criminal actions and abuse of authority while holding a position of trust in public office.

Following an investigation by his peers into reports of wrong-doing, Chief Constable Genghis McScumm was forced to confess to the charges of gross misconduct levelled against him for assisting one of his blood relatives (a moronic nephew) and a Masonic Lodge secret handshake ‘Brother’ through a police recruitment drive process to fast-track their applications for a couple of the 60 available Plod Squad job vacancies – to the detriment of the other 200,000 ‘qualified’ candidates who could say “Ello,ello,ello –wot ave we ere then?” in the EUSSR mandatory required selection of European languages – including Polish, Serbo-Croat, Albanian-Pikey and Bulgarian.

The Yorkshire police authority and the Independent Police Coverups Commission were involved in the investigation and hearing following a report that appeared spread across the red top banner front page of the Scandalmongers Gazette, which is believed to have originated with a police whistleblower working for Ox-Rat, the snitch and grassers local authority abuse watchdog.

The IPCC decided that McScumm was guilty of assisting a relative and one of his Freemason buddies gain unfair advantage in the recruitment drive to hire 60 Police Community Support Officers to augment their dwindling Dildo Unit numbers. McScumm was issued with a final written warning by the disciplinary panel after admitting disreputable conduct, and further received a slap on the wrist and had his name entered into the big black Naughty Book.

However, Julian Smith, the Tory MP for Shitpit and Ripoff, has called for McScumm to be fired or resign, claiming the current situation is unacceptable – having a man with criminal tendencies acting as Chief Constable – posturing the hypothesis of “Last time it was simple nepotism – but what’s it going to be next we might well ask? An upgrade to the old Roman Catholic Church’s practice of simony, perhaps? Then we get into the money-spinning sale of ‘indulgences’ – with a few bob slipped into a secret bank account to get off an assortment of charges.”

“Sorry, but the man’s unqualified arrogance regarding his continued position is untenable. He’s a disgrace to the force and lacks credibility. If he had any sense of shame or honour he’d fall on his own sword – or a big kitchen knife.”

Were you on the list of the 200,000 hapless oicks who applied for one of the 60 jobs with the Yorkshire Plod Squad? Do you have any top ranking relatives that can pull a few strings or open doors for you? Would you really want a job as a PCSO and be classed as a six-foot dildo in a black uniform and stab vest?

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Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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