Sunday, 15 May 2011

Libservatives: UK Needs ‘Snow Tsar’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a report just compiled and released by Sir Irwin Bogbrush, senior civil service mandarin at the Libservative Coalition government’s Ministry for Wasting Time & Money, the UK should appoint a "snow supremo" to plot advanced strategies to avoid or overcome another winter of chaos and generalised mayhem across the entire travel spectrum – airports, canals, rail, roads, cycle lanes - and Segway routes.

The Bogbrush team, seconded from the Tavistock Institute’s Advanced Guessology Department, examined the impact of heavy snow and sub-zero temperatures last December which basically shut down the entire length and breadth of the British Isles due the government ignoring the tried and tested Boy Scout mantra of ‘Be Prepared’ and instead trying to flog the fatally flawed global warming fiasco and carbon credits cap and trade scam while the country froze its proverbial bollocks off.

The report has now inspired the creation of a Transport Committee of cross-party MPs to examine the piss poor response to the severe weather conditions of December 2010 – with it being suggested that Transport Secretary Morton Fuctifino should appoint a senior Department for Transport official, such as the aptly-named Jack Frost, the Tory MP for the Ross Ice Shelf, who would oversee plans to combat snow-bound conditions at Heathrow and other airports by stocking several extra bags of grit and buying more shovels from B & Q before the event – and running television and newspaper ad’s in the autumn, advising the stupid public to hop into their local Pound Stretcher outlet for a £1 quid Thermalite beanie and a pair of gloves – and avoid freezing to death too quickly when the gas and electricity – and food - runs out.

It was further stressed that the winter was the third in a row with severe weather - which ironically grounded the moronic global warming summit conference in Copenhagen in 2009 - stating that improved awareness and weather forecasting could help warn the country to be more prepared – especially so if the government’s conmen would stop blabberwockying on about their carbon credit exchange when things are getting decidedly colder and definitely not warmer.

Bogbrush’s report thus recommends doing away with the position of Minister for Global Warming now the entire carbon emissions / cap n trade exchange scam has gone tits up and been exposed as the biggest pile of extortionate propaganda and con trick since the Vatican started pushing Christianity – and create an actual ‘Snow Tsar’ to oversee preparations for Britain’s worsening winter seasons – but to avoid accusations of creating a bloated bureaucracy, a sub-secretariat – the Department for Slush - could be slotted into the Minister of Snow’s portfolio.

Thought for the day: Do you believe the UK’s local authority highways and road works departments will live up to their boast of patching this last winter’s ubiquitous pandemic of potholes with their all-new 'Tarmite’ – an innovative blend of bitumen, asphalt and Marmite?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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