In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Following scandalous revelations earlier this week by his estranged wife to one gutter press hack from the Porky Pies Gazette, the Libservative Coalition’s Minister for Energy and CCS (Climate Change Scam) and incumbent Lib-Dum MP for East Perjury, Mr Chris Huhne, now faces a possible criminal investigation by police and even prosecution if the CPS decide there is sufficient evidence of wrong-doing to warrant such.
Huhne’s wife, Vicky Pryce, obviously one to bear a grudge, last night stood by an extraordinary claim that her adulterous cunt of a Cabinet minister husband asked an aide to accept penalty points on his behalf for a speeding offence.
Pryce further related that Huhne was so desperate to avoid losing his driving licence that he cajoled and coerced the aide to say they were behind the wheel at the time the offence occured.
Conversely, in an act of self-preservation, the Librarian-Dummercrat Energy Secretary has vehemently denied the explosive allegation which, if true, could result in the shit really hitting the fan.
However, regardless of having at least one axe to grind, Ms Pryce - whom Mr Huhne infamously dumped for his lesbo dyke press officer Sapphie Dildodo after 26 years of marriage - stands as a credible witness to her ex-spouse’s criminal indiscretions and has refused to withdraw her comments, further stating for the public record “I stand by everything I have said on the issue – he’s a cunt in cunt’s clothing and deserves all he gets, so fuck him – and his rug-munching bisexual tart.”
Speaking to media hacks in the saloon bar of the Backstabbers Arms, just around the corner from the £1.5 zillion quid five-storey townhouse in Clapham she used to share with Huhne, Vicky Pryce admitted she still had a few highly venomous ‘stingers’ tucked away ready for the ‘lying git’ - and simply smiled when one hack casually mentioned if the comment referred to tax evasion and secret offshore bank accounts.
Hmmm, if it wasn’t for bad luck the pitiful Huhne wouldn’t have any. Ah well, that’s the price of being hitched to a potential bunny boiler then letting your cock do the thinking instead of your brain.
While perjury offences can cop a Jonathan Aitken type ‘slap on the wrist’ custodial sentence, actual ‘conspiracy to pervert the course of justice’ can be punishable with a lot longer stay at Her Majesty’s Pleasure. In theory the maximum sentence is life, although penalties tend to be far lower – like 15 years hard labour, draining Dartmoor’s Marmite bogs.
Thought for the day: Well scribed by Yorkshire wordsmith William Congreve in his 1697 play, The Mourning Bride - thus spake Zara: “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned”.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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