Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Just to go a little way to proving there might be justice in this world after all, a UK-based shyster law firm that tried to extort money from computer users by accusing them of illegal file sharing has finally been slapped with massive legal fees – amounting to what accountants refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’.
ACS Law and its only pondscum solicitor, Andrew McScrote, originally teamed-up with a fly-by-night company called MediaScam which purported to represent copyright owners, such as film and music producers – and conspired to send out shed-loads of letters threatening recipients with court action and eternal damnation, burning in the fires of Hades, if they refused to pay up for their sins.
Acting on behalf of MediaScam and spurred by the prospect of easy pickings from success fees, as the two companies had agreed on a profit-sharing model, with ACS Law receiving 65% of any monies recovered, McScrote dispatched demands to over 100,000 people in the UK, alleging that the IP addresses of their computers had been linked to illegal file sharing – a transgression of copyright laws that in McScrote’s estimation, was on a par with the Roman Catholic priesthood pastime of child molesting – with the recipient individuals given the option of paying a one-off £500 quid settlement fee or facing court action, social ostracism and possible excommunication.
Conversely, thousands of those contacted claimed McScrote’s accusations were more scent than substance as they’d never engaged in such activity and accused ACS Law of carrying out a speculative fishing exercise which amounted to extortion by intimated threats.
Regardless, McScrote eventually brought 26 cases to court, but soon after hearings began and it became obvious there was no chance of making the accusations stick, he tried to have them dismissed, ridiculously claiming he’d received death threats and been cursed by a coven of witches who were accused of downloading a bootleg copy of ‘The Exorcist’ from the Somalia-based Pirate Bay file sharing website.
However, the presiding Judge, Genghis Twattbury QC – (the very same man who only last November handed down a decision in favour of the British Sibilators Society to ban MP3 players and I-Pods from public parks on the proven grounds they’d killed the Art of Whistling) - refused to allow the proceedings to stop and accused Mr McScrote of trying to avoid judicial scrutiny.
The proceedings then came to represent something of a role reversal, and a total cluster fuck, as originally the Patents County Court had been petitioned to hear the cases brought by McScrote’s ACS Law. After those collapsed Judge Twattbury decided he was responsible for buggering the court around and hence fully liable for all incurred legal costs.
Judge Twattbury branded the now-defunct law firm as amateurish and slipshod, informing one reporter from the Ripoffs Gazette that the arrangement between MediaScam and ACS Law had brought the legal profession into even deeper disrepute than it was already as a Masonic brotherhood of corrupt, blood-sucking parasites – and further urged anyone who was affected to pursue claims for harassment against the two companies.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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