Lib-Dums Suffer Identity Crisis

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Librarian-Dummercrats Party leader and the Libservative coalition’s Deputy Slime Minister, Mick Clogg, is facing calls from his local government chiefs to step down and resign immediately – if not sooner - after getting the shit kicked out of them in the English council elections and emerging from the severe drubbing with less credibility than US President Barky O’Barmy has when waving his all-new forged Hawaiian birth certificate and claiming to be, like Bruce Springsteen before him - ‘Born in the USA’.

Jacko McScrote, the ousted Lib-Dum party leader on Snottingham City Council, told one red top gutter press hack from the Backstabbers Gazette that Clogg should do the right thing and fall on his sword; while Bazzer Bogbrush, party leader on Smegmadale Hamlets Council, said Clogg had let the party down by breaking all his campaign promises – such as abolishing tuition fees, never mind going along with hiking them to £9,000 quid per annum - just to appease his Big Society buddy, Tory PM Posh Dave Scameron.

“Let’s face the effin’ cold truth - Cloggy’s lost it – suckin’ up ter Scameron and Georgie Osborne an’ promotin’ this stupid Alternative Voting system wot’s just got shitcanned. He’s as popular as chemotherapy right now – an’ that’s rubbed off on the rest of us Lib-Dums.”
“Get old Charlie ‘the Pisspot’ Kennedy back in charge – or that dodderin’ old Ming ‘The Merciless’ Campbell bloke here wiv his hands on the reins – if rigour mortis hasn’t set in already – an’ he’ll give Scameron an’ his effin’ Tory scumbags a run fer their money an’ get on top of their crap policies. I ain’t effin’ kiddin’ – me an’ the lads have seen better organised bleedin’ riots.”

Conversely Business Secretary Vince Cobble went into his customary political incorrectness ‘blabberwocky’ mode and ruled out a leadership contest – instead verbally attacking Dave Scameron, labelling him and the Tory coalition partners as a bunch of "ruthless, calculating tribal shitbags who eat their own young” - but insisted their fatally-flawed political alliance of necessity would continue as they had nothing better on offer.

However, Genghis Fuctifino, leader of the Lib-Dums on Slumborough Council, accused Clogg of letting the party down, claiming he had become so disillusioned he might quit the party.
“This has turned out to be a most disastrous PR exercise with Cloggy pushing that moronic AV issue - the pillock’s put us back 40 years – it’s worse than when we die-hard Liberals joined up with the Social Dummercrats in 1988. I’m all for replacing him with that bigoted old Labour turncoat slag from Rochdale – Gillian Duffy. She just might turn out to be a Bessie Braddock Mk 2 firebrand for the Lib-Dems.”

Thought for the day: While the Tories – and also Labour – are doing their best to put on a brave face over the election results, the only ones to come out on top are the cocky Caledonian SNP – with thumbs-up leader Alex Salmond wearing a shit-eating grin that would put a Cheshire cat to shame.

However, while the SNP's stunning landslide victory may well foster all kinds of ramifications in Westminster, will Salmond at last turn his back on the venal demands of the Freemasonic establishment and order bent Justice Secretary Kenny MacAsswipe to implement an independent investigation into the hotbed of institutionalised Scottish graft and corruption that is manifest in the Grampian kiddie fiddling and crime capital of Scaberdeen – and upturn the festering can of worms surrounding the sexual abuse case of Down’s Syndrome sufferer Hollie Greig (and a score more) by the ranking paedophiles infesting all corridors of Scaberdeen’s local authority administration: police, courts, justices, legal, education, social services and medical – old Uncle Jock Cobley and all.

Hmmm, might as well ask if Georgie Osborne's going to drop the revenue duty tax on petrol and diesel - or if Hell’s going to freeze over too.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.