Monday, 9 May 2011

China Plans to Re-Write History

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

China’s ruling geriatric Politburo – (now known as the notoriously-corrupt ‘Senility Six’ since the other eighteen members passed away last year and were ceremoniously stuffed for posterity – and public display - by the Tibetan celebrity taxidermist Shao Mai Sam) - have ordered TV stations across the Big Brother state not to air any Charlie Chan detective shows, Fu Manchu thrillers, science fiction dramas concerning time-travel or Mid-East pro-democracy news clips for the next three months – with the whole shebang ordered off-air with immediate effect – if not sooner - on the national People’s Propaganda Channel.

Mr Flip Flop Fong, the director of China's state TV regulator, Dissident-Watch, confirmed to a press hack from the Autocrats Gazette that a written diktat, composed in classical Mingin Dynasty ‘absolutist’ format, had come from Mr Big himself – the Middle Kingdom’s Premier Fuk Yew Tu – appropriately headed ‘Read this, Tremble, and Obey!’
“We are always ready to re-arrange things when the Politburo yank our chains - and normally find it healthier not to ask why.”

The Peoples Marxist Utopia of China’s Communist Party is preparing to mark 90 years since its founding and the powers that be want TV stations to air programmes that praise the ruling Politburo cabal of wrinkled and drivelling old codgers and not focus on the Bid Channel, Bargain Hunt, Cash in the Attic, and Desperate Rickshaw Driver’s Wives – or the sad state of the pointing and brickwork on the Great Wall.

The government has mandated, that without exception, it expects China's one and a half billion television viewing ‘sheeple’ to tune into a wholesome diet of patriotic propaganda that will glorify the party ahead of the anniversary on the 1st July, and not have them listening to MTV broadcasts of the underground rebel anarchist pop group – Falun and the Gongs.

The humourless General Pak Lunch, head of the Ministry of State Security, informed the media “Anyone discovered not wearing their complimentary Chairman Mao t-shirt with the bright red Hammer and Sickle on the back will be in deep shit and might just cop for a stretch in one of our Smiley Face Organ Donor Transplant Prisons as a reminder to be a better citizen.”

And no idle threat for back-sliding patriots either – in a country where spraying anti-establishment graffiti on the walls of government buildings (supportive or critical) carries the death sentence - and parking on double yellow lines may well result in a custodial sentence of up to five years hard labour at one of the regime’s Marmite mines in the Manchurian gulags.

Mr Sum Dum Fuk, the deputy chief of the drama department at China's state TV regulator, referred to this three-month 90th anniversary government propaganda campaign as a ‘re-educate the stupid masses’ period.

“There’s lots and lots of good film footage related to the early days of the party which we’ll be broadcasting – such as the denunciation of Sun Yat Sen’s diabolical political philosophy known as the Three Principles of the People, which promoted the Western concepts of social equality, democracy and the people's livelihood – all of which were in total conflict with our Marxist-Leninist doctrines. Then we’ll have the traitorous General Cash My Cheque and his Kuomintang Army fleeing to Formosa in 1949 to avoid facing the Communist might of General Mao Tse Tung’s forces – plus all those naughty radical dissident types getting squashed by tanks at Tiananmen Square back in 1989.”

“In addition we intend to screen our new mini-series about the heinous crimes of the Gang of Four trying to undermine our Cultural Revolution - led by Chairman Mao’s greedy bastard slapper of a wife, Jiang Pong Twat, - and her henchmen and running dog cohorts Fat Rat Mat, Kun Kare Less and Hu Dun Wot – all being sentenced to life in Beijing’s ‘Assisted Suicide Prison’.

Thought for the day: Alas, while pro-party propaganda will be rife, there’ll be no mention of the venal graft and corruption that pervades the entire political machine constituting the democratically-retarded People’s Marxist Utopia of China – now comprised of 1:5 billion compliant ‘sheeple’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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