Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Libservative Coalition Doomed to Failure

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The ubiquitous High Street bookies, ‘Bet Ur Ass Off Billy’, are giving top odds on the fatally-flawed clusterfuck that is currently infesting Parliament and Downing Street and posing as the Libservative Coalition Government – of breaking up in a major shitfight before the summer’s out – and quite possibly following the negative results of last week’s idiotic AV ‘Yea or Nay’ referendum that’s caused more discord than the Catholic-Protestant schism that Martin Luther instigated in 1517 by nailing his Ninety-Five Theses’ to the door of All Scrotes Church in Wittenberg - subsequently kick starting the Reformation.

This is a gut reaction from across the entire the betting industry to a recently-released report by Professor Wormhole Borkum-Riff, of the prestigious Tavistock Institute for Advanced Guessology (whose innovative ‘Spot the Higgs-Boson Particle’ video game was the best-selling Christmas stocking filler of 2010) has now devised a divination algorithm that predicted the Libservative Coalition is cursed with a half-life mortal span equal to that of a Calcutta whore stricken with galloping twatrot.

Borkum-Riff explained to one gutter press hack from the Backstabbers Gazette that PM Posh Dave Scameron’s customary contempt for Broken Britain’s voting public, referring to them as ‘oicks’ and being ‘as thick as pigshit’, had likewise infected the Tories’ attitude towards their Lib-Dum coalition partners – especially so when expediting policies that Deputy PM, Mick ‘Janus’ Clogg, hadn’t been informed of nor agreed to – such as the ‘Iraq 2’ military actions against Libya - facilitated solely to slam the door of opportunity and commerce in China’s face – plus the hapless Cloggy getting shafted by the student unions for his decision to go along with the £9,000 quid per annum hike of higher education fees.

While Scameron might well have won the Daredevil of the Year Award for Utter Stupidity in 1986 when he became the first person to snowboard down the Matterhorn while wearing a blindfold, he is today a man now stricken with severe credibility issues, and alike Tony Bliar before him, beholden to and controlled by ‘sinecurism’ and the supra national circle of recluse manipulators who set the agenda for globalism and the New World Order - and bid him to let slip and send forth the UK's ‘pre-crime’ Thought Police.

Hence with Scameron being their puppet to manipulate at will and eager to please with his “Sit”, “Beg”, “Roll over”, and “Play Dead” antics, this presents one hell of a problem for his coalition bed partners and the root cause of the Tory / Lib-Dum party members behaving like a bunch of yobette school girls – rolling around the floor of the House of Conmans’ debating chamber, pulling hair and scratching each other’s eyes out.

Thus as the ‘Nay’ backlash of the voting reform row rumbles on they continue arguing like a bickerage of blackbirds, cat calling each other duplicitous twats, bare-faced liars and back-biters, with Lib-Dum Business Secretary Vince ‘RentaGob ’Cable, who hasn’t yet mastered the art of political correctness and calls a spade ‘a spade’ – even if it’s a shovel – stirring the shit for their Tory coalition partners at every available occasion and labelling them as a bunch of ruthless, calculating tribal shitbags who eat their own young.

Conversely we have the Tory Foreign Secretary Willy ‘Closet Case’ Vague running round like a headless chicken declaring to any fucker and their dog interested enough to listen that the latest ‘who lied to who’ spat over the mechanisms of the Alternative Voting system is no more than a storm in a teacup – just the same as those disparities regarding the advanced education fee hikes, the attacks on Libya, and the recent clamour over the Scameron-supported practice of bestowing internships on favoured friends and members of the Boy’s Own secret handshake club - which stinks more of simony than nepotism.

The gospel according to Vague’s faulty logic states the Coalition’s built of strong stuff and can survive anything – when in fact the dominant Tory side of this fubar of a Coalition is catching more flack off their Lib-Dum partners than from Edwina Millipede and the Labour opposition party benches.

Vague, speaking to one reporter from the Porky Pies Review, played down claims by Candida Mingerot, the Lib-Dum MP for Pikeys Crotch, that the Tories’ vigorous ‘No’ campaign promoters were guilty of telling massive untruths after a row escalated over the cost of switching to AV and whether it would benefit parties such as the British We Hate Darkies Party – with Conservative party chairman Baroness Seedy Warthog stating for the public record that changing the UK voting system to AV would see shifty and unscrupulous politicians pandering to extremist views and mean more votes and legitimacy for the grass roots anarchy parties such as Nick Barrage and his Euro-sceptic UKIP – and the one-horse Bilious Bigot Party led by Gordon Broon’s nemesis - Gillian Duffy, the founder of the Rochdale Halitosis Club.

However Ms Mingerot and Vince Cable jointly maintain that PM Cabbage Patch Dave had consistently lied over the voting reform referendum, telling the BBC’s Andrew ‘Bat-Ears’ Marr during the ‘Scum Watch Hour’ current affairs programme that “We both know Scameron lied – we saw his lips move.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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