NATO Civilian Body Count Tops Taliban’s

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

NATO continue to maintain their civilian body count lead against the Taliban muhijadeen following a recent US-led air strike which snuffed a further bonus bonanza of fourteen non-combatants – and clocked up a fatality score comprised of two nursing mothers and twelve infant children in Bellend province, south-west Afghanistan.

The gospel according to the nonpartisan Warmongers Gazette claims the air strike took place in the Nawzad district after a US military base came under a hail of stones on Saturday from a gang of rock-throwing goat herders pissed off at the gung-ho moronic troops using their stock for target practice – an incident which resulted in the complete routing of the incumbent guards from the 21st Body Bag Brigade, who then carried out a quick risk assessment and decided to summon an air attack to regain their position.

General Wormhole Jaffacake, commander of the Afghan Army’s elite ‘Ragtag Regiment’, addressing a press conference in Kabul, informed red top tabloid reporters that “These NATO and US clowns in uniform are worse than the Taliban for killing our civilian population. Their helicopter gun ships are supposed to have all kinds of hi-tech equipment – such as infra-red heat-seeking capabilities and laser-guided armaments, yet they cannot even hit a bunch of Bolshie shepherds with their Dual Mode Seeker Brimstone missiles but destroy orphanages and schools and hospitals by mistake – or perhaps purposely. I mean, who is in charge of this clusterfuck fiasco – Wiley T. Coyote?”

The incumbent Afghan President, Hamid Kami-Kharzai and his Kleptocracy Party government have previously lodged legions of complaints with the NATO and US high commands – (which operate with legal impunity and devoid of oversight in their war-stricken shithole of a country) - against the nihilistic parameters of the continuing Operation Kill Every Fucker – and this week, according to the contractual working agreement dictates governing the occupation forces of foreign military powers, after President Karzai phoned a friend, decided to issue a third – and final – warning to cease and desist snuffing tax-paying Afghan civilians.

Conversely ISAF commander, US General Billy Bob Betrayus, told one reporter from the Grim Reaper Weekly that “These guys have got ter realise this is a war an’ shit happens. Fer Christ’s sake, it’s only a dozen damn rugrats that got blown away – yet another case of FFS (Friendly Fire Syndrome), which amounts ter acceptable collateral damage in ma book.”
“Hellfire, jest wait til’ we invade Pakiland in retaliation fer them hiding’ bin Laden an’ grab their nuclear weapons arsenal, then the FFS index is gonna soar – but who really gives a flyin’ fuck how many get snuffed as they breed like flies.”

This latest tragedy comes on the heels of last week’s major military fubar when a US Marine patrol guarding the CIA’s opium crops in Uruzgan were ridiculed – laughed at and called ‘pig-eating heathens’ - by a group of burkha-clad Afghan grannies doing their laundry on a river bank - and vindictively radioed for an Apache chopper air strike as payback - which resulted in a bonus of unexpected overtime revenue for the local undertaker and grave digging squad – and a surprise intake at the town's orphanage.

While the Islamic fundamentalist Taliban insurgents are being blamed for civilian deaths in Afghanistan, the actual killings of Afghani non-combatants by the US and NATO infidel foreign aggressors is a source of deepening anger and resentment at all levels of their society and works in the Taliban’s favour.

Separately, to add insult to injury, twenty Afghan police and eighteen civilians were killed on Wednesday in another NATO ‘Friendly Fire Syndrome’ air strike snafu in the north-east province of Nuristan, during a skirmish in which some thirty Taliban fighters were reportedly sat on a hillside waving US pennants while applauding the missile and napalm attacks which also wiped out an undisclosed number of American troops belonging to the 18th Cannon Fodder Regiment.

Thought for the day: The Afghans shouldn’t take these attacks on civilian non-combatants too personally as NATO’s homicidal maniacs and psychopaths are doing an even better job in Libya where the UN Resolution 1973 conveniently provided the required excuse to enforce a no-fly zone and ‘protect civilians’ – of whom another dozen were blown away, with scores wounded and maimed, by precision laser-guided bombs and missiles loosed in a NATO air strike which targeted Zlitan, west of the city of Misratah, on Sunday night.

To ensure there’s ‘nowhere to hide, the UK’s RAF – (whose attacks have killed hundreds of non-combatants and revolutionary fighters since the aggressive military action kicked off in February to unseat Gaddafi and, alike Iraq, gain control of the country’s vast oil reserves) - are now being kitted out with Enhanced Paveway III bunker buster bombs to blast the shit out of anyone who thinks they might be safer underground.

Bravo, peace on Earth and goodwill to all men.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

ZioNazis Slam EU Support for Palestinians

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Popular support for the ‘Semitic’ Palestinian peoples by the majority of the 27-nation EUSSR community is a blatant racist display of ‘anti-Semitism’ against the shifty Shylocks dominating Israel (formerly the sovereign state of Palestine) and the occupied West Bank - where Knesset-sanctioned squatters are evicting the rightful historic owners with backing from the IDF’s brutal Hafganat Koah Brigade, and throwing up jerry-build illegal settlements like termite colonies.
So goes the gospel according to that notorious Khazar Jew of convenience - Israeli Propaganda Minister, Yetzer Hara - a meshuggenah who is personally devoid of any trace of Semite DNA in his mongrel Ashkenazi genes.

Applying lashings of customary kikester ‘hasbara’ to justifying their ‘lebensraum’ cause during an interview with a press hack from the Holohoax Gazette in Brussels last week – at a politically-motivated ‘whinge and kvelling’ event to mark the 63rd anniversary of the Yawm an-Nakbah (the creation of the illegal state of Israel through the theft of the Palestinian’s lands) – the minister claimed there is a bigoted tendency in Europe to blame the failure of the flawed Mid-East peace process on rogue Zionists and the die-hard Jabotinskyist running the Knesset - and that EUSSR support for Palestine's long-overdue proposal to seek full UN membership is linked to an institutional brand of rabid anti-Semitism.

Minister Yetzer Hara continued "It's very easy to put all the blame in the world on God’s Chosen People and our belief in manifest destiny and a Greater Israel – for as Josch Fischer, a former German foreign minister, once said in reference to Israel – “We cannot ignore the fact there is an arcane European tradition of 2,000 years in blaming the Jews for murdering Jesus Christ and being notorious as a bunch of grasping, no-good usurious money-lenders who devised the corrupt practices of capitalism, fractional reserve banking and financial derivatives speculation to serve their own ends – to the detriment of the goyim.”

“But you Gentile scum should remember it was the Roman Prefect, Pontius Pilate who had Christ crucified, not the Jews – and it’s only black propaganda put out by the evil Vatican and the Tsarist Okhrana and Nazi German ideologists who blamed the Sanhedrin for forcing Pilate’s hand – and branded the Rothshite bankster family of being responsible for compiling the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion.”

The minister’s outburst of brazen hubris comes after the moderate Palestinian Fatah movement - ‘which controls the Israeli-occupied ever-diminishing West Bank’ - (excuse oxymoronic terminology) - has created a new unity government with the militant Hamas group, that governs the Gaza Strip – an enclave still besieged behind Israel’s racist Great Apartheid Wall and constitutes the biggest concentration camp on the planet - making Auschwitz look like a Butlin’s holiday camp.

Recognition of the Palestinian’s right to national autonomy on at least part of the lands stolen from them by the avaricious usurping ZioNazi terrorist brigades – the Stern Gang, Irgun and the Haganah - during the 1948 Yawm an Nakbah, is total anathema to Prime Minister Bobo Nuttyahoo and the Knesset’s ranks of separatist Ubermensch – especially so with the ruling political factions of the West Bank and Gaza Strip finally bonded as one and declaring before the UN that Jerusalem is their national capital.

Several EUSSR community nations are adamant in their stance to block any and all planned ‘upgrades’ in diplomatic contacts or trade with Israel due the war crimes and human rights and wrongs offences visited on the Palestinians - with the EUSSR’s foreign affairs chief Baroness Catherine Ashton this week informing a reporter from the Pound of Flesh Gazette that she has personally refused to bow down to AIPAC and US State Department demands in condemning the ground-breaking Fatah-Hamas political unity pact or the re-opening of the Rafah border crossing between Gaza and Egypt.

“I spit on Israel’s flagrant insolence and this cloak of audacious righteousness they assume – this posturing display of unqualified arrogance that possesses them - while showering their neighbours with lashings of ‘schadenfreude’ and declaring themselves to be a Western nation with advanced democratic standards - in contrast to their barbaric Arab neighbours. What pomposity and rot to declare themselves the eternal victims when they possess the only nuclear arsenal in the region and threaten to use it against any and all aggressors.”

Thought for the day: Fuck the Israeli war mongers and the US-based AIPAC lobby and the Rothshite crime syndicate - and their New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Fifa Bribes: Qatar says “So What?”

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Giving evidence to a Parliamentary House of Conmans Select Committee earlier this month, the former FA chairman Lord Jack'kov Snitchmann up-ended a veritable can of wriggly worms by revealing a culture of greed-driven wheeler-dealing and mega-bucks palm-greasing, and put the boot in full force by accusing several members of Fifa, football’s world governing body, of asking for bribes in return for supporting England’s (failed) bid to host the 2018 tournament.

Apparently Russian oligarch and owner of Gulag Gaz, Oleg Mobsaroubles paid Cameroon’s Fifa official, Winnebago Chuckabutty, and Wormhole Jaffacake from the Ivory Coast a bribe of US$1 million apiece to win the 2018 World Cup host bid – with the same pair of scallies paid £900,000 in big brown envelopes by a Qatari PR agent - the shock winner of the battle to host the World Cup in 2022.

However, the Qatari officials responsible for hosting the 2022 World Cup this week changed stance and have described allegations they paid bribes in return for votes as ‘an insult’ and ‘distressing’ – with Qatar’s Minister for Graft & Corruption, Prince Mustapha bin Himar al Baksheesh, informing one press hack from the Carrot & Stick Gazette that “This is the way business is conducted here – and we never refer to such enticements with vulgar words like ‘bribes’ but rather ‘facilitation fees’ – paid to achieve a desired result.”

The Qatari soccer team coach - former Celtic mid-fielder - Angus ‘Pitbull’ McTwatt, who was slapped with a lifetime ban during a 2007 Rangers match when he spit the dummy at being handed a red card and bit the referee’s whistle-blowing hand off – went on to work as a cormorant strangler at the Loch Tadger Highlands Resort prior to being recruited by Qatar’s Football Association in 2009 and tasked with turning a sow’s ear into a silk purse.

Speaking to one reporter from the Dog Wankers Review in Doha, McTwatt explained “These blokes founded their soccer club in 1930 and while bein’ quite adept at scorin’ own goals, they haven’t managed ter win a single fuckin’ thing in 80 years. Hence I’ve bin recruitin’ players from around Europe an’ Africa ter try an’ get the team’s strikin’ and defence capabilities up ter scratch – which is a bit like tryin’ ter shove butter up a meerkat’s arse wiv a red hot knittin’ needle. So even if they can’t win anythin’ or even qualify fer a place in the World Cup, then at least they’ll get ter be second best an’ host the bloody tournament in another ten year’s time.”

“I spoke wiv Prince Ras al Shitbag last week, he’s the Minister for Kleptocracy here, an’ agreed ter bail out a couple of war criminals in Kosovo wot were handy players before they got their arses arrested on ethnic cleansin’ charges – so at least we’ll be addin’ some blood an’ guts muscle ter the team.”

“But as ter all this kerfuffle about bribery ter secure the 2022 bid, can yer really blame them considerin’ all the dosh they’ve paid out fer a pitch of real turf laid on gritty bloody desert sand - an’ how much waterin’ it takes in this effin’ heat – four million bottles of bloody Evian water a day. We only hold trainin’ sessions an’ play practice matches at night when the sun’s down cos they roll the pitch up an’ keep it in cold storage all day.”

Regardless of Qatari delusions concerning ‘entitlement’ and their bizarre sense of logic towards bribery and corruption, Fifa president Septic Bladder has now ordered the launch of an investigation into allegations involving four other officials named by Lord Snitchmann - whom include the Trinidad & Lumbago-born vice-president ‘Slack Jack’ Warner and Fifa presidential candidate, old piranha-teeth, Mohamed bin Hammanegg – coincidentally the founder of the Qatari Halitosis Club – plus career scumbags Debbie Minguell and Jason Sylvester of the Caribbean Backhanders Football Union.

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Obama Vetoes McKinnon Appeal

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The hopes of celebrity Scots computer systems hacker, Gary ‘Solo’ McKinnon, to avoid extradition to the good ole US of A suffered a severe kick in the teeth yesterday when the pretender President, Barky Hussein O’Barmy, issued a big no-no against the petition to allow him to be tried in Britain.

McKinnon’s plight began in 2001 / 2002 when he hacked through Nasa’s and the CIA’s piss poor cyber security systems from the bedroom of his North London flat, searching the real X-Files for evidence of 9/11 being a US-Israeli false flag attack - and UFO’s / little green men - and Kenyan birth certificates.

Campaigners were hoping that O’Barmy would be inspired to dole out a spot of compassion during his state visit and halt the vindictive legal proceedings being ram-rodded through by his own rug-munching Secretary of State, Hilarious Rodent Clinton (wife of Dodger Bill, the Arkansas Amateur Rapist) and Justice Department due the Asperger Syndrome sufferer’s precarious mental state.

The threat of extradition has now rendered McKinnon clinically paranoid and suicidal at the prospect of being tried for his ‘crime’ (sic) in the US – where it has been publicly decreed he'll be indicted in Virginia – a state which imposes the death penalty for heinous offences such as Gary’s – exposing the calamitous condition of the US government and military’s piss-poor cyber-security systems – and the fact their intelligence agencies are a bunch of amateurs posing as professionals.

PM Posh Dave Scameron raised McKinnon’s case in face-to-face talks with President O’Barmy this week. However, the contemptuous Kenyan cuckoo – despite previously stating for the public record, in the typical duplicitous fashion for which he has become notorious, that he wished to find an appropriate solution to end the computer hacker’s ordeal – effectively endorsed the extradition process – informing the media “We have confidence in the British legal system coming to a just conclusion and so will await resolution and be respectful of that process.”

Hmmm, well, that’s more than the British public have (confidence or faith) in their own corrupt judicial system – (Tony Bliar stifling the Operation Ore investigations of paedophiles in his Labour government; the illegal invasion of Iraq inquiry whitewash; the Dr David Kelly assisted suicide non-inquest and cover-up; and the 7/7/05 false flag Muslim terrorist attack inquiry sham - to name but a few).

Conversely, Scameron could have so easily whispered in O’Barmy’s ear “This one’s non-negotiable Barky – I want McKinnon reprieved,” and it would have been so – and a hell of a boost to Posh Dave’s lack of credibility and current zero popularity with the British voting public. Alas, Scameron lacks the balls to do that and perhaps upset this special relationship we are purported to have with our ‘Colonial Cousins’ –doing precisely what they say and hang McKinnon out to dry for embarrassing them.

Though Barky is only expediting what he’s been trained (brainwashed) to do by his Zionist masters – alike Posh Dave – to get a well-deserved pat on the head and avoid a sharp kick in the butt: Good dog, Sit, Beg, Roll over, Play dead.

Shabby Jaffacake, director of Scumwatch, told gutter press hacks “If, as O’Barmy claims, the US Justice Department will be respectful of our legal process, then he should be happy for Gary to be dealt with here in the UK.”
‘If our Government seeks to honour the words of both Coalition partners – Scameron and Clogg - when in opposition, it will decide that Gary’s condition warrants halting this farcical extradition immediately, so that justice and compassion can be dispensed at home.”

Since McKinnon was originally charged with being a bloody nuisance before UK magistrates, the British courts have repeatedly refused to block his extradition for what in Britain amounts to a Community Service Order sentence, despite doctors testifying he will kill himself if bundled on to a plane to the United States of Israel.

Judges have unanimously agreed Gary poses a suicide risk but – under the controversial 2003 Extradition Act, which is grossly biased in favour of the U.S. – the fact a person is hell bent on self-harm and suicide if extradited to spend the rest of their days in one of Uncle Sam’s dehumanised ‘Fight Club’ sodomite paradises is considered insufficient reason to halt proceedings or cast the eye of empathy on the case.

Following the announcement by O’Barmy that he didn’t give a shit about Gary’s human rights or fate, and in an attempt to salvage some positive PR from the mess of pottage, Posh Dave Scameron informed one reporter from the Tergiversators Gazette that ‘The case is currently before our Home Secretary Theresa Maybe, who is still considering reports concerning Mr McKinnon’s health and well-being before making her decision of whether to save his life and deny the extradition order - or throw him to the dogs.”

Alas, the Home Secretary, to all intents and purposes perpetually indecisive, is dragging her feet on the case hoping it will go away of its own accord so she doesn’t end up committing political seppuku – either by denying the US extradition request – or bowing to the ZioNazi Yank’s demands and approving it, and having Gary attempt - or even worse – actually commit suicide.
The latter, approving the extradition order and Gary going into self-harm mode, will evoke such a howl of socio-political outrage that the ensuing hue and cry will emanate across the length and breadth of our once-sceptred isle, heralding the end of her career and perhaps the timely fall of Scameron’s pisspot government.

Lest our current Libservative Coalition government forget, 21 years ago the British public got off their complacent arses for once and staged nation-wide poll tax riots which forced Slaggie Twatcher’s government to back down and withdraw them.
The application of common sense and prudence aforethought designate the next move lies with Scameron and Clogg – to have a sharp word in Theresa Maybe’s ear to bin the extradition order, lest permitting such raises socio-political tensions to a critical mass and initiates a chain reaction, kick starting a long-overdue campaign of civil disobedience on a Biblical scale – the likes of which were previously manifested in France in 1789 and Russia in 1917.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Gov’ Okays Arming of UK Transport Plods

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Teams of moronic British Transport Police (BTP), armed to the teeth with handguns and assault rifles – and all loaded to the hilt with Black Talon expanding killer rounds - are to patrol the railways and London Underground to counter the ‘Alice in Jihadland’ Islamic terrorist threat.
Oh yes, this is the same propaganda-conjured terrorist hazard that’s still lacking one vital ingredient – genuine Muslim terrorists – and not smoke and mirrors false flag agents provocateurs, alike the 7/7 tube and bus bombings which resulted in the Canary Wharf ‘Kratos shoot-first snuffings’ of Mohammed bin Patsy and Lee Harvey ibn Himar – and their two Yorkshire Paki’ stooge compadres).

Thankfully the intellectually-deficient BTP officers haven’t been ordained to carry anything more dangerous or sharper than a ballpen until now, but this morning Transport Secretary Philip Scammond (the Tory MP for Runnynose and formerly Shadow Minister for Duck Islands and Moat Dredging) told one press hack from the Gung Ho Gazette that henceforth the force would have its own armed capability so BTP thugs could be deployed as required in response to the burgeoning terrorism threat level at any given time and blast away anyone wearing one of Poundlland’s Osama bin Laden masks - or resembling a backpack-toting Brazilian electrician.

Speaking in the House of Conmans, Scammond informed fellow MPs that by arming BTP officers and training them to point and fire guns - and not shoot each other in the process – then fielding them on station platforms would deter football hooligans from committing acts of anti-social and violent behaviour while travelling to and from matches – and hopefully further dissuade irate commuters from whingeing and complaining about Rattle Track’s and Shitwork Rail’s crap train services being interminably delayed.

Scammond concluded that a bonus point, in addition to perhaps deterring attacks by actual terrorists of the genuine Muslim Jolly Jihad variety was the fact the BTP could be seconded to assist the Met’s Riot Squad thugs in kettling anti-government demonstration protesters, tipping disabled students out of wheelchairs and beating passer-by news vendors to death as an example to other radical and dissident anarchist types.

“The Libservative Coalition government has been mulling justification for a nation-wide overall armed capability for all uniformed officials – including PSCOs, Community Enforcement Officers, traffic wardens, lollipop ladies and binmen (refuse recycling technicians) and has concluded that it would be beneficial to enhance their overall potential and efficiency to equal that of the United States trigger-happy psychopaths who pose as officers of the law – and get away with fatal taserings and double-tappings on a daily basis.”

BTP Chief Constable Andy Tosser, a former car park attendant, informed the gutter press "Effin’ dead right we should have guns. My blokes is at risk from armed yobs an’ scallies an’ all that shit 24/7 – an’ these Arab terrorist suicide bombers wot enjoys blowin’ themselves all ter fuck an’ back just so they can go ter Paradise an’ shag virgins.”

As the BTP’s website states under the header ‘BTP Firearms Capability’ relating to Minister Scammond’s recommendations: “Should the public be alarmed by this development?”

“No one should be alarmed by this as there is no specific intelligence about a terrorist attack on the rail network – unlike 7/7 when sneaky Muslim Jihadists used the Met’s anti-terrorist drill to blow up three tube trains and a bus. However, people should be aware that the Government’s terrorist threat propaganda is real and ever present and the current UK threat level is still classified as ‘Severe’ - as long as MI6 and Mossad remain loose cannons and unregulated to hatch further false flag terror attacks. We remind and ask that the public remain in their conditioned paranoid shit-scared vigilant mode and report any suspicious behaviour to BTP on 0800 40 50 40 or dial 999 if they hear anything go Ka-Boom!"

Muse for the day: So, yet another tip-toe step by our panopticon surveillance / control-obsessed government - out to confront and quell any form of civil dissent with corps of armed morons and sociopathic thugs. Beware the pre-crime thought police, alike Don Quixote tilting at windmills – or Captain Queeg hunting down the strawberries – out to apprehend that criminal mastermind and perpetual enemy of the state - Emmanuel Goldstein - and his legions of little helpers – which now encompass the ranks of environmentalists, peaceniks, animal and political activists – anyone, in fact, who harbours or has the sheer anarchistic audacity to express views that differ or conflict with those of the government.

Oh, and by the way, fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Net File Sharing Legal Scam Fubar

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Just to go a little way to proving there might be justice in this world after all, a UK-based shyster law firm that tried to extort money from computer users by accusing them of illegal file sharing has finally been slapped with massive legal fees – amounting to what accountants refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’.

ACS Law and its only pondscum solicitor, Andrew McScrote, originally teamed-up with a fly-by-night company called MediaScam which purported to represent copyright owners, such as film and music producers – and conspired to send out shed-loads of letters threatening recipients with court action and eternal damnation, burning in the fires of Hades, if they refused to pay up for their sins.

Acting on behalf of MediaScam and spurred by the prospect of easy pickings from success fees, as the two companies had agreed on a profit-sharing model, with ACS Law receiving 65% of any monies recovered, McScrote dispatched demands to over 100,000 people in the UK, alleging that the IP addresses of their computers had been linked to illegal file sharing – a transgression of copyright laws that in McScrote’s estimation, was on a par with the Roman Catholic priesthood pastime of child molesting – with the recipient individuals given the option of paying a one-off £500 quid settlement fee or facing court action, social ostracism and possible excommunication.

Conversely, thousands of those contacted claimed McScrote’s accusations were more scent than substance as they’d never engaged in such activity and accused ACS Law of carrying out a speculative fishing exercise which amounted to extortion by intimated threats.

Regardless, McScrote eventually brought 26 cases to court, but soon after hearings began and it became obvious there was no chance of making the accusations stick, he tried to have them dismissed, ridiculously claiming he’d received death threats and been cursed by a coven of witches who were accused of downloading a bootleg copy of ‘The Exorcist’ from the Somalia-based Pirate Bay file sharing website.

However, the presiding Judge, Genghis Twattbury QC – (the very same man who only last November handed down a decision in favour of the British Sibilators Society to ban MP3 players and I-Pods from public parks on the proven grounds they’d killed the Art of Whistling) - refused to allow the proceedings to stop and accused Mr McScrote of trying to avoid judicial scrutiny.
The proceedings then came to represent something of a role reversal, and a total cluster fuck, as originally the Patents County Court had been petitioned to hear the cases brought by McScrote’s ACS Law. After those collapsed Judge Twattbury decided he was responsible for buggering the court around and hence fully liable for all incurred legal costs.

Judge Twattbury branded the now-defunct law firm as amateurish and slipshod, informing one reporter from the Ripoffs Gazette that the arrangement between MediaScam and ACS Law had brought the legal profession into even deeper disrepute than it was already as a Masonic brotherhood of corrupt, blood-sucking parasites – and further urged anyone who was affected to pursue claims for harassment against the two companies.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Brazil: Buggery to be Compulsory

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The ex-Portuguese colony Brazil is currently facing a mid-life socio-political crisis concerning democracy and basic human rights in the form of the all-new buggery-promoting ‘Law PLC122’ – being touted by Common Purpose International, the socio-cultural engineering cabal tasked with turning out mind-controlled morons and conditioning the sheeple to say ‘Baaa’ – and wholly backed by the country’s burgeoning gay community since the faggot-infested Supreme Court bestowed their anointed legal approval of gay civil unions last week.

The radical shit-stabbers movement is now taking advantage of the momentum produced by this to lobby President Fadinha Ripoffi and his ruling Desviado Kleptocracy Party-dominated Parliament to prioritize passage of the ambitious Anti-Homophobia and Hate Crimes Law (PLC122).
Gay activists are planning a march to support and foster the bill in Brasilia, funded with money donated by the international Brown Hatters Anonymous cottaging group in order to coincide with, and vehemently oppose, the global Bash-a-Poofter Day which falls at the end of May.

If this abhorrent law is approved, any format of moral, religious, philosophical or medical opinion against the lesbo rug-munching and poofter turd-burgling lifestyles in this predominantly Roman Catholic country, will subject the author to prison and heavy fines – and not only in the commercial media, but also in web blogs, religious programmes and even in the privacy of the church confessional.

The passage of PCL 122 through Parliament will make it a citizenship requirement that all men agree to play the beast with two backs and consent to taking it up the arse if so fancied and solicited by an iffy workmate or drinking buddy who is so inclined and enjoys the smell of scat more so than the erotic aroma of juicy finger-lickin’ yummy pussy.

Self-outed gay priest Father Diablo Chupeteiro of the Queima Rosca Church for Latter Day Sodomites, informed one press hack from the Bumboys Gazette that “We’re not after turning Brazil into a butt-fucker’s paradise but there’s nothing wrong with rogering another bloke, so forget all those condemning Biblical quotations in the Old Testament, labelling gays as ‘abominations’ – it’s just like Jesus said – ‘Love thy brother’ - literally.

A gung-ho mega-bucks ‘desensitization’ media campaign has been launched to ‘ram’ (sic – no pun intended) this social engineering exercise home – (perception programming to manipulate the masses) - with pro-gay news dominating the red top tabloid gutter press and television.

This is especially true of the Globo TV’s ‘Latin Punheteiros’ channel, through their soap operas viewed by zillions of the brain-dead population of sheeple – promoting gay couple romances and ridiculous fictions of male shirt lifters or strapon-wielding Sapphic dykes under persecution for giving each other one in the office toilets – all to forward the agenda of creating an elitist caste of perverts, with special privileges.

Conversely, while corn-holing goats and each other might well be an acceptable cultural norm with the male populations of certain morally-depraved heathen countries; for the majority of Western chaps – (while in this instance ignoring the insidious and debased practices of the corrupt and wanton Catholic priesthood and their lascivious carnal addictions to choirboy catamites) – who were fortunate enough to be raised on a moderate testosterone diet of Christianity and the sanctity of womanhood, men buggering other men is a total anathema.

Thought for the day: Alas, there are no safeguards against human nature. Brazil is one of the principal states pushing this venal and totalitarian campaign of domestic suppression and unquestioning compliance to establish and achieve - alike the People’s Marxist Utopia of China - their respective ends of the Protocols of the Power-Mad Kikester Elders of Zion / New World Order agenda.

Call it what you will - it’s the same diabolical 666 Beast rallying for the total destruction of the four major collective forces of Race, Religion, Family and Nation. These are the four pillars of our human identity which must be wreaked asunder to allow the creation and maintenance of their dysfunctional Luciferic society – devoid of empathy or moral and family values, with an end product that will make Israel’s inhuman cruelties visited daily upon the Palestinian population of the Gaza Strip - and the excesses of totalitarian Big Brother states such as China and North Korea - look like democracy-friendly Camberwick Green and Trumpton.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Obama Promotes Paddy Roots

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

US President Barky O’Barmy and his Hottentot-arsed missus Michelle touched down yesterday in the bankrupt Republic of Insolvency at the start of a pit stop visit to Europe – with the ceremonial red carpet arrival ritual cancelled due their landing in the middle of a massive HAARP-generated thunderstorm that followed on the tail of Air Force One from Washington.

O’Barmy stated for the public record that it’s his wish while in Eire to pay homage at the St Achmed’s Mosque of Latter Day Cuckoos in the isolated rustic village of Donnymulatto in County Offal, which was the home of his great-great-great grandfather, Cletus O’Barmy, one of Eire’s first analogue teleprompter makers.
His son, Rastus Jaffacake O’Barmy, said “Fuck it” at the height of Ireland's Great Tater Famine in 1850 and emigrated to Kenya at the age of nineteen (to escape the legions of rabid Celtic cannibals ranging across the length and breadth of the country scavenging for something to eat) where he prospered by setting up a counterfeiting agency in Nairobi which specialised in forged birth certificates.

According to Candida von Mingerot, the veteran American feminist reporter, O’Barmy’s visit to the Emerald Isle, and specifically the side trip to the ancestral village, to glad-hand bunches of Guinness-swilling Fenians, is an attempt to woo the 40-odd zillion shit-for-brains American voters who likewise have Irish-Kenyan roots (but don’t harbour any moronic pretensions about being Hawaiians – or able to surf) to cast their 2012 ballot for the incumbent ‘Hope n Change’ Democrat.

Arriving in a rain-lashed Dublin, described by the Met’ Office as the worst weather to follow a US President across the Atlantic since Dubya Bush visited, the O’Barmys met with Irish President Pikey Pete McScally for a few pints of porter at the Tinkers Bar on Bomb Chuckers Lane and later held talks with the newly-inaugurated transvestite Taoiseach, ‘Edna’ Kenny, who presented ‘Paddy’ O’Barmy with his family’s heraldic coat of arms carved into the hardwood surface of a recycled Wimpey scaffolding plank.

The shield is set with a surfboard lozenge, paired assegai supporters and argent giraffes rampant – with an ostrich feather crest on a torse of Free Trade bananas – complimented by left and right compartments of spuds and turnips and a coronet of coconuts – plus a chevron inverted, charged with three mullets gules - and the O’Barmy clan’s tribal motto emblazoned across the base in the ancient Gaelic-Swahili script, which roughly translates as “Why risk the Truth when a Lie works better”.

The psychotic and socially-ambitious Michelle O’Barmy handed an Irish ‘wish list’ to her Secret Service detail, who spent a sodden afternoon out searching through the fields of County Offal for a four leaf clover – without any remarkable success.

Her request to meet a leprechaun and cop for a souvenir doubloon out of his pot of gold turned out to be a total disappointment when it was explained to the moronic clot that they were only the stuff of fairy stories - but reassured she needn’t worry as they’d be able to shake hands with a real French leprechaun later in the week - President Nicholas Sarkozy - and give him a pat on his pointy little head for luck.
A request to go and kiss the Blarney Stone received a terse reply that she and Barky were already more full of crap than a Christmas goose.

Amidst this melange of pageantry and bullshit, O’Barmy is also scheduled to visit the UK, Poland and lastly France, where he’ll attend a meeting of the Group of Eight (G8) major world powers to show off his new Hawaiian birth certificate and chew the duckfat with the Chinese Premier concerning the greedy, grasping US bids to shut down any and all Sino commercial investments in Africa and Greater Asia - in an attempt to preserve US corporate monopolies and maintain Western hegemony – and keep the Middle Kingdom’s nose and influence right out of the order of things.

Upon completing his pilgrimage to the family hearth in County Offal, the O’Barmy’s will later fly to London where they’ll be lodging at Buckingham Palace and meet the Queen.

Prior to their visit a ‘risk assessment’ has been undertaken and evaluated by Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the Palace Protocol Officer, who decided, in the interests of political correctness, that his Royal Rudeness, Prince Philip, should be shunted off to Balmoral for the week just in case he comes across Barky wandering about and hands him his shoes to shine – or starts shouting for security, demanding to know why “There’s a darkie sneaking around and up to no good – has anybody counted the bloody silverware?”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Separation Walls Cleave Palestinian Unity

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a pathetic attempt to justify the 63-year old blood feud predicament that arose when the pro-Zionist kikester terror cadres of the Irgun Tsvai Leumi, the Lehi / Stern Gang and the insidious Haganah stole Palestine (from the Palestinians) in the 1948 Yawn an-Nakbah (Day of Catastrophe) and drove them, by homicidal force of arms and barbarous displays of blood-letting, out of their historical homeland – Rabbi Fagin Rosenslime, director of the pro-ZioNazi AIPAC lobby in the good ole US of A - has launched a ‘Let’s Make Israel Look Good’ PR campaign.

Rosenslime desperately endeavours to achieve this fatally flawed objective and divert attentions from the blatant facts that since 1948 the scumbag Israelis have besieged the populations of the incrementally-diminished West Bank and the Gaza Strip enclaves behind their Great Apartheid Walls by seconding AIPAC’s tame anthropologists and socio-psychologists from the St Shylock University for Latter Day Kikesters to get in on the act in an effort to play down the global rise in anti-Israeli / Zionist sentiments.

Their solution is to ‘clinically diagnose’ this pathological ‘need’ for a racist ‘Separation Barrier’ as more a cultural necessity than paranoid requirement – due their much-vaunted but delusional Khazar-Ashkenazi ‘Ubermensch’ and higher IQ’s – and being the mythical Yahweh’s elite – His ‘Chosen People’ - (although ‘chosen’ for what nobody quite yet understands).

Conversely, critics from the Amnesty International and Ox-Rat human rights and wrongs watchdog charities, claim the walls are there for racist and religio-sectarian purposes – and to further allow the IDF to play shooting fish in a barrel when culling the true Semite Palestinian populations in their on-going ethnic cleansing / slow cook genocide ‘Final Solution’ campaign against the historical and true owners of the Holy Land.

So, we ask, what is a wall? In total contradiction to the biased opinion of AIPAC’s ‘trick cyclists’, Amnesty International and Ox-Rat jointly agree, and have now stated for the public record, that ‘Walls’ are the very embodiment, the essential symbol, of separateness and apartheid.
In further condemnation they claim that in Palestine, the Separation Walls around the occupied West Bank and Gaza Strip gives a literal, concrete (sic – no pun intended) form to the Jewish exclusivity and separation represented by Israel's governing political philosophy: the diabolical racist doctrine of Jabotinskyism.

Hence, as such, the Great Apartheid Walls represent an end to the possibility of independent statehood for Palestinians in any part of their native land - and regardless of the West Bank’s Fatah and the Gaza Strip’s Hamas healing the political schism between themselves this past month in Cairo, these 30 foot high separation barriers form a physical divide between the people – as per the insidious Berlin Wall thrown up by the Soviet totalitarian aggressors in 1961 to halt the ‘Westward-Ho!’ migration of ‘citizens’ disillusioned with the burgeoning Moscow-managed East German Communist Utopia.

The Separation Barriers blotting the landscape of Palestine are an Israeli innovation adopted from the Nazi German’s model with their highly efficient walls around the Warsaw ghetto – which the ultra-Zionist kikesters comprising the IDF’s Hafganat Koah Brigade would see further bolstered and augmented in their flagrant ethnic cleansing drive against the Palestinian populations of the West Bank and Gaza Strip by the introduction of Auschwitz-style Arbeit Macht Frei concentration camps if the chutzpah-addicted pondscum running the Knesset thought for one minute they could get away with it.

Gnasher McTwatt, the director of Ox-Rat, the international human rights and wrongs abuse watchdog, told one press hack from the Schadenfreude Gazette that these walls perversely serve to facilitate the achievement of Zionism's primary objective: the establishment and maintenance of an exclusivist Jewish state on stolen Palestinian land - whereby insolent audacity and kikester ‘hasbara’ are invoked to qualify the fractured logic of separating the goyim Christian and Muslim Palestinians from the elitist Jewish population.

In all reality this is to achieve the Israeli’s ‘lebensraum’ – and occurs by confiscating Palestinian lands, restricting the free movement of Palestinians, preventing growth and expansion, and breaking up the territory available to them.

Yet again, from a sympathetic angle, these Jews of convenience, the Ashkenazi Israeli leaders utter their ‘victims’ mantra to anyone stupid enough to pay heed concerning the pogroms and Holohoaxes directed against them and the centuries of collective persecutions – and those that don’t listen to their ‘hasbara’ are instantly branded as anti-Semites and Holohoax deniers – hence they have good reason to be paranoid and need a big high wall to hide behind.

Conversely, in a desperate reaction to US President Barky O’Barmy’s speech on May 19th, declaring that any future Palestinian state must be based on the pre-1967 borders, Israeli Prime Minister Bobo Nuttyahoo told one press hack from the Ethnic Cleansing Gazette he appreciated O’Barmy's duplicitous "commitment to peace" but that for peace to endure, "the viability of a Palestinian state cannot come at the expense of the viability of the Jewish state" – wholly missing the irony that the ‘tenuous’ viability of the Israeli state today has only manifested at a catastrophic cost to what was once, pre the1948 Nakbah, the sovereign state of Palestine.

Thought for the day: Hmmm, the Israeli mongrel refugees of Europe - God’s Chosen People indeed - these Children of the Covenant boasting of their superior intellects, yet are a gullible enough set of meshuggenahs to make this ‘covenant’ with their mythical, non-existent omnipotent deity that mandates they cut the ends off their shmoks. Obviously Yahweh has a very cruel sense of humour.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

ULU Boycotts Kikesterville

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The University of London Union (ULU) has voted 10-1 to institute and campaign for Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions against Israel’s draconic ZioNazi regime as a condemning response to their not being very nice to the now-marginalised population of Palestine – the country the Israeli terrorists stole, with the UN’s tacit approval, from the Holy Land’s rightful owners – the true Arab Semite Muslim Palestinian people – in the 1948 Yawm an-Nakbah (Day of Catastrophe).

The motion calls for "a systematic review of all ULU investments and contracts" with shifty shylock and criminal kikester corporations that are in league with the rabid racist Knesset regime governing Israel and hence guilty by association of ignoring their ‘Corporate Social Responsibility’ and "violating Palestinian human rights" as set out by the Palestinian Boycott National Committee (BNC) and the International Court of Human Rights & Wrongs.

Shaheed bin Jaffacake, a senate member for the London School of Economics, who spoke in favour of the motion, informed one press hack from the Ethnic Cleansing Gazette that "We have precedents for boycotting campaigns at ULU, especially with South Africa’s Bash-a-Bantu regime and the 1980’s boycott of Barclays Bank who supported and financed the apartheid government – and thus profited from the suffering and blood of others.”
“Thus we’re now responding to the Palestinian call for civil action in support of their fight against being besieged behind these 30-odd foot high walls and virtually imprisoned in the biggest Nazi style concentration camp on the planet - and used for target practice by the IDF’s psychopaths."

Irwin Bogbrush, the incumbent ULU Vice President, told a gaggle of gutter press hacks from the red top tabloids that “We’re chuffed to little mintballs that the ULU has passed this BDS policy on Israel, and now stand in solidarity with the oppressed Palestinian peoples. When I assume the Presidency next year I intend to ensure that the University of London Union does not give profit to any kikester company doing business with or supporting Israel and thus denying the human rights of the Palestinians – and that any bricks and bottles left over from our tuition fee hike protest marches get lobbed straight through the Marble Arch synagogue’s windows."

ULU is the largest students’ union in Europe with over 120,000 members from colleges across London – with the ULU senate comprised of the presidents of the 20 students unions representing every University of London college of learning.

Bazzer McScrunt of Goldsmutts Students’ Union, told the media "Boycotts are a crucial non-violent tactic in achieving our aims by targeting institutions – so all our radical anarchist members will be requested to cease and desist from shopping at shylock-controlled stores – like the main Greedy Grocer chains of Mammon & Snobfords or Pestco – or the evil Pukesburys, owned by Lord Puke of Turdville."
"Plus we’re not buying any more black market Israel Military Industries Uzi sub-machine pistols or Galil assault rifles from car boot sales in readiness for the planned 2012 revolution but rather opt for the non-kosher German Heckler-Koch MP5’s and HK 91’s instead.”

“It’s bad enough that the UK’s currently being run by this Israeli apologist, Posh Dave Scameron and his Conservative Party Friends of Israel Club – and the same with this Mick Clogg bloke and his Lib-Dum Party too – and bloody Labour - but Britain should not be conducting business as usual with a tyranny that is guilty of gross human rights abuses.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known goyim propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Libyan No-Fly Zone Extended to Ships

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In typical sneak-creep neo-imperialist kikester fashion, the ZioNazi-controlled NATO forces are proceeding to criminally transgress the parameters and restrictions of the UN Security Council Resolution 1973 which singularly imposed a ‘no-fly zone’ over Libya to assist the useless pro-democracy mujahideen – backed and funded by Western commercial interests - in overthrowing the ultra-eccentric Colonel Gaddafi.
These violations have now exceeded the original no-fly zone mandate to encompass not only the Libyan air force’s helicopters, planes and runways but also the Libyan navy’s ships – just in case some bright spark decided to defy the laws of physics, get them airborne and drop depth charges on the rebel’s Benghazi stronghold.

In a statement to the Warmongers Gazette, NATO spokesman General Wilbram P. Ratstamper III related that the aircraft carrier, USS Halitosis, had launched two flights of F16 fighters to attack Tripoli harbour and sink anything that floated – including the channel marker buoys – and further demonstrate the United States unflagging resolve to protect the civilian population of Libya, using appropriate and proportionate force to kill anything old enough to bleed.

Conversely, Ghaban ibn Himar of the rebels' National Transitional Council, based in Benghazi, has appealed for NATO to call a halt to their indiscriminate air attacks – disputing their claim of having hit eight warships belonging to Gaddafi's naval forces in co-ordinated raids on Tripoli, Al Khums and Sirte the previous night.
“These were not warships but a collection of cargo vessels and fishing boats - plus two ferries carrying refugees down the coast to Benghazi. The Great Satan and NATO’s gung ho trigger happy psychopaths are killing more of our people than the mad Colonel in Tripoli ever did.”
“The United Nations referendum was meant only to neutralise the military’s air attack capabilities and definitely did not constitute an open season licence to snuff Gaddafi’s children and the civilian population – or scores of our rebel fighters with hails of friendly fire.”

On Thursday, US President Barky O’Barmy informed a Shite House press conference that "Time is working against Gaddafi now he has lost control over his country’s oil wells and pipelines to the forces of democracy.”

Well, of course he’s lost control when the poor fucker’s got the US Global Bully and their New World Order NATO forces all breaking their balls trying to snuff him, so their muppets can take over, hoof all the Chinese commercial interests out and monopolise the country’s natural resources for Uncle Sam and the shifty shylock neshekers.

Repeating the same moronic piss-ant script to the State Department from his digital teleprompter, O’Barmy stated for the public record that the Libyan opposition has organised a legitimate and credible interim council (sic) – with it’s own numbered Swiss bank accounts – thanks to a spot of help from the CIA and the Rothshite crime syndicate bankster types who are currently wheeler-dealing the futures market for the rebel-controlled oil.

"When Gaddafi inevitably gets fed up and leaves or the reform movement forces him from power – or our short-sighted fighter pilots eventually draw an accurate bead on his damned elusive ugly ass and blow him away - decades of Pan-Islamic provocation and anti-American rhetoric will come to an end, and the transition to an Alice in Wonderland democracy can proceed – just like the pantomime of socio-political reform in the other North African shitholes: Tunisia and Egypt."

Conversely Libyan government spokesman Shaheed Kess Emakk told one reporter from the Reality Check Gazette that President O’Barmy’s comments were delusional.
“This cuckoo in the Oval Office is yet another juke box politician – stick a few coins in and he’ll play any tune you want. The US manipulates the United Nations Security Council into issuing this Resolution 1973 to protect Libyan civilians from their own government as a pretext for foreign aggression and to seize our oil reserves - then drop bombs on them and sink the refugee ferries coming out of Tripoli.”

“The Great Satan’s stooges believe the dirty lies that their own AIPAC-puppet government and yidster media spread around the world. It's not his African brother Barky O’Barmy who decides whether Muammar Gaddafi leaves Libya - it's the majority of the Libyan people – and definitely not a gang of rag-arsed Zionist-funded rebels – these running dog lackeys holed up in Benghazi."

Thought for the day; Fuck NATO and the ZioNazi shadow government - and their land-grabbing New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Rapture & End of World Put on Hold

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well, it’s Sunday morning, the 22nd May, Doomsday’s scheduled chance has been and gone, and every fucker and their dog are still here – the Faithful, the Saintly, and the masses of Godless heathen atheist scum alike – thus we conclude, so much for that ‘Old Time Religion’.

The 2011 ‘Tribulation / End of Days’ prediction forecast by American Christian radio host Billy Bob Dorkbender, 89, stated that Jesus Christ would materialise His earthly presence on Saturday, May 21st – between the regular business hours of 9:00 to 6:00 - and 200 million true believers be duly swept aloft, or ‘Raptured’, to Heaven - apart from the war-mongering heathen kiksters and neshekers who worship the false gods of Jehovah and Mammon, indulge in careers of usury and host a genocidal disposition towards their Palestinian neighbours – plus those ‘dark African Muslim deceivers’ who claim high office on the strength of counterfeit birthrights and forged documents.

So, what a pity to have cancelled the regular Saturday afternoon barbeque and a few beers, to assemble the entire family sat lotus-fashion on the lawn – with Grandma whingeing about her varicose veins and red ants nibbling her haemorrhoids – all staring up to the skies and chanting the Yoga sadhana ‘Aum’ mantra – and then have sweet fuck all happen in the way of divine deliverance, and nary a mention on the six o’clock news of Jesus’ Second Coming – or ‘Going’.

Fundamentalist and radical Christian Congregationalists belonging to the Rev. Dorkbender’s Cheesy Crust Church of Latter Day Morons, had accepted his mathematical formula theory that the Rapture was coming this weekend.
They believed God’s ‘Chosen Few’ (themselves) would ascend to Heaven on Saturday, May 21st, leaving infidels and atheists and middle of the road agnostics behind to cope with the Apocalyptic ‘Tribulation’ crap brought about by the commercial mismanagement of cabals of greedy banksters and the multi-national military-industrial corporations with their New World Order illegal wars of aggression.

Of course, certain practical questions had arisen, such as "Who the fuck’s going to look after Fido and Tiddles, and water our botanical companions when we get Raptured off to Heaven?" Not a problem, according to the enterprising heathens running Earth-Bound Pets and Post-Rapture House Plant Care, who offered to take care of ‘The Faithful’s’ dogs and cats for a contractual fee of $135 bucks per pooch or moggy – and hose down the greenery for $35 bucks per month.

Bazzer McScrote, the founder of Earth-Bound Pets, has an excess of 250 clients on his books – all paid up front for his services - though he speculated to one gutter press hack from the Gullibility Gazette red top tabloid his doubts that services would actually be required as nobody was going anywhere. “Hey, do I really give a shit – we’re on a winner regardless as all these dopey pricks have paid for post-Rapture pet care in advance – and I don’t do refunds.”

Ms Beverly Titwank, spokeswoman for the Cheesy Crust Church of Latter Day Morons, informed a reporter from the Sceptics Review that the Rev. Dorkbender had frowned upon any of the faithful staging Rapture parties as it would be politically incorrect to be taken aloft and arrive at Heaven’s Gates half-pissed on Budweiser and Jack Daniels.

Thought for the day: The gospel according to the Rev. Billy Bob Dorkbender’s self-published Apocalyptic tome, he predicted that Doomsday would manifest like chancres on a two-bit whore in September of 1994. When the Rapture failed to occur on the appointed day he claimed to have made a mathematical error and revised his calculations for 17 years hence – May 21st 2011.
Do you think it’s about time this guy got in touch with reality, took a course in ‘critical thinking’ and had his maths checked by teacher before predicting Armageddon and the end of the world again?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Bubblehead Beatrice Flogs Pretzel on eBay

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

At street parties the length and breadth of England, the common sheeple gagged and spewed up their Pol Pot Insta-Noodles and Hedgehog Tikka Masala en masse as the royal ‘renta-dent’ Rolls pulled up outside Westminster Abbey and a piranha-toothed Morticia look-alike appeared wearing a 22nd SAS regimental beige felt beret, criminally modified, in the name of bad taste, by the likes of Jimmy Choo-Choo to resemble a pretzel-shaped dunce cap.

Was this the blushing bride, Kate Middleclass, resplendently draped in a Mogul’s ransom of Sarah Bunghole conflict diamonds, just having a bit of a laugh to lighten up this joyous yet solemnly serious occasion – or simply the royal retard, Princess Beatrice, doing her customary trick of looking like an utter twat to attract attention and compensate for her pathetic lack of self-esteem – and cerebral grey matter?

Alas, t’was the latter, followed closely by her equally moronic sister Eugenie, wearing a chemtrail-blue millinery concoction that appeared to be a scavenged prop from Mel Brooke’s ‘Men in Tights’ – with a festoon of Big Bird’s tail feathers attached to complete the ridiculous spectacle of ‘The Slapperella Sisters go to the Ball’.

The villain responsible for these exorbitantly-priced monstrosities of fashion is Irish milliner Pikey Pete McScrunt, the son of a Galway swan poacher, who also adorned the chain-smoking spouse of the ‘Plant Whispering’ Prince Chazzer – none other than Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole, with an inverted black jelly fish to distract attention away from her crevice-ridden face - and fitted out Auschwitz Diet Queen, Victoria Peckham, in a magpie’s nest garnished with leprous slugs and slices of raw smoked bacon - plus a score of other celebrity shits and titled wedding guests in his flamboyant creations on the big day – with Candida Palmer-Scroteberg’s wimple and yashmak ingeniously crafted from a Bactrian camel’s scrotum to hide her cocaine-ravaged Channel Tunnel nostrils.

However, it was the outrageous creation perched atop the empty noggin of Chlamydia Knobb-Hedd, scion of the Smegmashire Knobb-Hedds, wearing a concoction of furry road kill, draped with the intestines of a juvenile Sudanese cluster bomb victim, delicately cradled in a Palestinian baby’s sun-bleached rib cage – and all topped off with a cormorant’s severed head.

Considering McScrunt charges a £2,000 quid minimum for a dead meerkat’s tail or a festering Roland Rat pelt to adorn one of his fascinator bonnets, this perhaps might be compared or paralleled with the Emperor’s new clothes when a bunch of over-privileged split-arse sluts are prepared to pay the Paddy milliner a fortune for the privilege of being made to look like a troop of utter cunts.

Beatrice is currently engaged in a Combined Studies BA at Numptyford University where she’s pursuing - in the tradition of her spendthrift and influence-peddling mother, Flabby Fergie, the Duchess of Pork - graduate courses in ‘Ostentatious Waste’ and ‘Hedonistic Squandering’, and at Mummy’s urging has posted her royal wedding headgear creation on eBay for auction to the highest bidder – where the Frankenstein monstrosity of inelegance has been labelled a Turkey Twizzler, a contortionist’s toilet seat – and ‘one hell of a fucked-up pretzel’.

Bids on eBay currently stand at £80,200 nicker – with the hopeful vulgarian buyers - all of whom obviously have more money than fucking sense - numbering thirty-eight so far. The auction ends on Sunday evening - with the proceeds going to Eugenie’s favourite scrounging institutions: the Virgin Islands-based ‘Distressed Royal Sluts’ and the ‘Fat Fergie in Crisis’ charities.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Wicked Windsors Visit Emerald Isle

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Queen Elizabeth, the UK’s 96-year old hard-wearing Mk II Mighty Monarch model, accompanied by His Royal Rudeness, the Duke of Edinburgh, has just concluded a four-day state visit to the Republic of Ireland and miraculously remained immune from assassination attempts by the Provos and countless other moronic paramilitary organisations with a bone of historic contention to pick with the British ruling establishment regarding the centuries of human rights and wrongs visited upon them.

To mark her visit the Queen, wearing a gold lamé Kevlar flack jacket, delivered an eloquent speech at a state banquet in Dublin Castle, where she was treated to the traditional Irish mixed grill of mashed potatoes, roast potatoes, boiled potatoes and chips.

Unfortunately, and to the embarrassment of Westminster, Lizzie turned the speech opportunity into an annoying ‘Sorrygramme’ political correctness cum reconciliation session, and apologised at length for Oliver Cromwell being such a twat when he invaded Eire in 1649 with his New Model Army, during the Wars of the Three Kingdoms, and began the re-conquest of the country on behalf of England's Long Parliament.

Since the Irish Rebellion of 1641, Ireland had been under the control of the Irish Confederate Catholics, who fucked up ‘royally’ in 1649 by signing an alliance with the English Cavaliers party, which had been defeated in the English Civil War.
Cromwell's forces went on to kick the bejaysus out of the Confederate and Royalist coalition and occupied the country – then imposed a series of draconic penal laws against the Catholic population and confiscated large amounts of their lands – for which the Paddy’s still regard old Olly as a reviled and hated figure who no longer figures on any Fenian’s Christmas card list.

The Queen then added "It is a sad and regrettable reality that through history your island has experienced more than its fair share of heartburn and flatulence, but with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight we can all see that aligning yourselves with the Papists in Rome was a big mistake – especially so where birth control is concerned."

The trip combined visits to historically significant sites with tourist attractions – as per Thursday’s excursion to one of Real IRA’s knee-capping centres and adjoining shallow graveyards, which was seen as a snub by the False IRA – and also the Provos – who have never been forgiven by Westminster for blowing up Ross McWhirter in 1975 as revenge for not listing them in the much vaunted ‘Public Enemies Number One’ slot of his Guinness Book of World Records.

One notably symbolic event was yesterday’s ceremony at Dublin’s Garden of Remembrance, where all those who gave their lives in the cause of Irish freedom and to abolish the Customs and Revenue tax on Guinness and Porter are commemorated – an occasion slightly marred by Prince Philip turning up in his Black & Tans regimental uniform and whispering to an aide: “These bastards blew up my Uncle Louis’s boat back in 1979 – while he was on it.”

Following that embarrassing faux pas the royal couple visited the Irish National Stud in Kildare so Queen Liz could indulge in her fetish for horse flesh and grope a few sets of stallion genitalia – a hereditary perversion inherited by her equestrian-faced daughter Annie.

Obviously able to glean some insider racing tips from the trainers and jockeys, Liz’s next stop on the drive back to Dublin was at Paddy Power to shove a few quid on an outsider in the 3:30 at Ballybunion.
Unbeknown to the British public, Lizzie feeds her gambling addiction with a secret ‘royal’ account at Ripoff Ronnie’s, the ubiquitous High Street bookmakers, betting the taxpayer’s hard earned cash on the gee-gee’s.

Wednesday afternoon saw Liz and her Greek geek of a spouse Philip attend the annual turnip hurling tournament at Donegal – an event hotly contested by competing teams from across the length and breadth of Eire, with the 2011 winner’s cup going to Pikey Pete O’Scrunt of the Connemara Bomb Chuckers – renown for his past skills of lobbing grenades into Proddy bars and British army check points from a safe distance of 300 metres.

But not all was fun and games as earlier on Wednesday Lizzie’s engagements had included a visit to Croke Park sports stadium in the capital, where 22 hapless Mick footballers - and the referee - were indiscriminately shot and killed (read ‘murdered’) during the middle of the 1920 Dublin-Tipperary Gaelic soccer match by the Royal Irish Constabulary – as a reprisal for the assassination of 14 British Intelligence officers, known as the Cairo Gang, by Michael Collins's 'hit squad' earlier that day – an event that has gone down in the annals of homicidal infamy after the match was awarded – posthumously – to Tipperary.

Sinn Fein president Gerry Adams, whose party refused to attend the state dinner, told one press hack from the Janus Gazette that Lizzie's ‘very sorry’ speech was ‘utter bullshit’ – but added: "Queen Elizabeth's acknowledgement that the relationship between Britain and Ireland has not been entirely benign is one fuck of an understatement. However, such will be forgiven if the future policy of her government is about getting their Proddy arses out of Ulster and anointing the reunification of Ireland.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

IMF’s Strauss-Kahn Fubared by Banksters

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Regardless of his resignation fielded today, an act prompted by the gravity of the concocted charges of attempted rape filed against his person, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund, remains a man of good intentions with a sense of fair play, who wanted to ease the crushing burden of debt interest on Third World countries who have been coerced and bamboozled into a state of perpetual debt slavery and beholden to the dominant demands of the Western Shylock banksters who comprise the rapine ranks of the Rothshite family’s global crime syndicate.

Mayhap, even at a testosterone-deficient 62 years of age, Strauss-Kahn might well still be a horny old goat with a voracious sexual appetite, and as Le Journal du Dimanche once dubbed him - "Le Grand Séducteur" (the Great Seducer) – but a rapist he is not.
So, what threat does he – or now rather ‘did' he - pose to the insidious plans of the usurious banksters, those money-grubbing Neshekers, ensconced in their London and New York – and Swiss - counting houses? That of a veritable nuisance, and a dangerous reforming menace of Biblical proportions, in fact.

Regarding his diplomatic efforts to secure IMF aid for Europe following the 2010 sovereign debt crisis he was described – and not in praiseworthy terms - as ‘a French Metternich’. Further, Strauss-Kahn was the first IMF boss who had the gall and audacity to dare to publicly proclaim that the good ole US of A’s economy, totally fucked up under the mismanagement of the GOP and Dubya Bush – a situation continued by the Kenyan cuckoo incumbent in the Oval Office, with 14 trillion $$$ bucks in suffocating debt – was no longer a financial model for the world to strive to copy – (having just maxed out on their dodgy deficit) - but one now surpassed by the penny-wise People’s Marxist Utopia of China who are set to be the next Masters of the Universe.

Regardless of the veracity of his remarks, this was an unforgivable sin and an insult aimed at God’s Own Country / the Shining Light of Democracy / the Global Bully.

To prove DSK’s analysis correct, the American economist and Nobel Prize awardee, Joseph Eugene Stiglitz wrote: “Strauss-Kahn is proving himself a sagacious leader of the IMF. We can only hope that governments and financial markets heed his words.”
“The annual spring meeting of the IMF was notable in marking the Fund’s effort to distance itself from its own long-standing tenets on capital controls and labour-market flexibility. It appears that a new IMF has gradually, and cautiously, emerged under the leadership of Dominique Strauss-Kahn.”

Strauss-Kahn had set out on a kinder and gentler path, one that wouldn’t force foreign leaders to privatize their state-owned industries or crush their labour unions under a totalitarian jackboot. Naturally, his actions were not warmly received by the banksters and criminal corporatists who look to the IMF to provide legitimacy to their ongoing plunder of the rest of the world. These are the people who think that the current policies are just honky-dory because they produce the results they’re looking for - bigger profits for themselves and deeper poverty for the rest of the world’s hapless ‘sheeple’.

In a rebuking response to Joseph Stiglitz’s words, the CEO of the London-based NM Rothshite bank, Shylock Scumberg, informed one gutter press hack from the Usurers Gazette that: “There’s not going to be any revolution at the IMF - that’s bullshit. The institution was created with the clear intention of ripping poor nations off and it’s done an impressive job in that regard.”
“There’s not going to be any change of policy either. Why would there be? Have the pondscum bankers and bottom-feeding corporate bilge-rats suddenly grown a conscience and decided to lend a helping hand to long-suffering humanity? Get real – and if this French shmok Strauss-Kahn thinks he’s going to change the status quo, then we’ll bring his world and career ambitions crashing down around his ears.”

And there you have it – the threat of a black propaganda frame up job – just the same as that directed against the previous threat to the kikester-owned Rothshite banks by NY Governor Eliot Spitzer – also taken out on a concoction of sex charges, set up royally by agents of Wall Street’s evil kikester empire.

So, with these remarks in focus, we can sense why the entire affair stinks to high Heaven of Frame-up – with a Capital F – and serves to provide a prodigious supply of grist for the conspiracy mill. A black propaganda set-up engineered by dark forces – specifically a cabal of pro-ZioNazi kikesters headed by the AIPAC-anointed Shite House appointee Timothy Geithner, the incumbent US Treasury Secretary, and the Federal Reserve Chairman Benny Shalom Bernanke - to cause a Eurozone crisis and take the heat off their fucked up US $$$ dollar insolvency.

To further fuel the conspiracy bonfire, as well as heading up the IMF, Strauss-Kahn was the favourite candidate to take the French presidency from the grossly unpopular incumbent midget, Nicolas Sarkozy.
Strauss-Kahn was due to go head-to-head against Sarkozy in the 2012 presidential elections, with one Elysee Palace grasser informing a reporter from the Snitchers Review that Mr Sarkozy was ‘highly delighted and doubled over with paroxysms of laughter’ that his chief rival had been black-bagged and neutralised – leaving his political career ambitions in tatters - before the campaign has even got underway.

So, down to the nitty-gritty, West African hotel maid Ms Winnebago Jaffacake enters DSK’s room but denies knowing who he was and definitely did not ask him for a personal IMF loan to finance a cosmetic surgery make-over – including a facial botox job, liposuction, breast enhancement and vaginal tightening procedures – but was summarily groped, then dragged into the bathroom and forced to give him a blow job before copping for a three-hole extravaganza – a likely fabrication of lies and deceit when Strauss-Kahn’s wife related to the media in Paris “Merde, Dominique cannot get it up without a double dose of Viagra.”

Conversely, the perjurious Ms Jaffacake maintains she was forced to give DSK a suck n swallow BJ before he ripped off her clothes then raped her – claiming “If I’d known dere woz a chance of a sex maniac bein’ in de room I’d have bin wearin’ ma dentures an’ bitten his cock off!”

Denied bail by a criminal court split-arsed judge named Melissa Jackson - a woman who looks like she fell out of the ugly tree as a child and hit every branch on the way down - Strauss-Kahn was taken to Rikers Island Prison, New York’s notorious sodomite’s paradise, where he will be held in protective custody and put on 24/7 assisted suicide watch.
If convicted of the charges, the ex-IMF chief could face going to prison for what horologists term ‘a long, long time’.

Thought for the day: So, while these concocted charges of rape have initiated a carnivorous sex scandal feeding frenzy for the kikester-owned media circus, the depth of the chicanery and venal intrigues have served not only to eliminate DSK as a political threat to Sarkozy (France’s answer to Rumpelstiltskin) but removed any chance of his being the intended causative vehicle of introducing and imposing stringent banking sector regulations - which presented a total ‘shitting kittens’ anathema to the shifty Shylocks and frenzied Fagin banksters.

Since Strauss-Kahn's arrest last Saturday his American deputy John Lipservice has been serving as acting managing director of the global lending agency.
However, DSK’s resignation now unfortunately opens the door for old cyclops Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown to pursue his seething ambition of heading the IMF – a post he is in no way qualified to be elected to after making such a bollocks of the British economy while in both the offices of Chancellor of the Exchequer and Prime Minister – and not even knowing the UK had a debt problem – then flogging off the UK’s gold reserves for a fire-sale $200-odd quid an ounce when the price a couple of years later now exceeds $1,500.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the ZioNazi Freemason banksters and their New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Parrot Grasses up Animal Smugglers

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

An Albanian national travelling on a dodgy Irish passport was arrested in Thailand, at Bangkok's Suckurplums International Airport last weekend after several endangered species of mammals - including leopards, panthers and a black bear - were found hidden in his check-in baggage.

The suspect, who identified himself as Pikey Pete McScumm, was in the process of boarding a first class flight from Bangkok to Dubai when one of his suitcases started ‘growling’, which attracted the attentions of the normally half-asleep and apathetic airport security staff - who refused to accept the story that the luggage had only recently been crafted from freshly-slaughtered alligator hide and the ‘growling’ phenomenon was normal in the curing process.

However the suspect agreed to open the baggage for inspection after a cocked handgun was held against the side of his head – upon which a proverbial menagerie of exotic animal cubs – all just a few weeks old - were discovered in a drugged state – along with three fertile velociraptor eggs contained in a battery-powered incubator ingenuously disguised as a carry-on attaché case.

A systematic search revealed a second set of identity documents - including an Israeli passport in the name of Shylock Scattstein – plus a syringe filled with Vegemite - though the smuggler denied being a hard-line user or addict, claiming the banned substance was for personal use only and he enjoyed spreading the malodorous shit on buttered toast soldiers – a foul habit he explained he’d picked up while serving a three year custodial sentence in one of Australia’s sodomite paradise prisons - for sexually molesting a duck-billed platypus.

The gospel according to Ms Chlamydia Muffitch, director of the UK-based ScallyWatch quango, states the trafficking of endangered and exotic animal species is becoming an endemic crime stretching across international borders and one to equal contraband shipments of drugs and arms, due the potential mega-bucks returns from oil-rich clients in the Middle East out to portray themselves as Grand Panjandrums of the desert, alike the Emirs of the Arabian Nights, and not simply a bunch of nouveau riche despotic vulgarians with the culture sense and finesse of a rutting hog.

Ms Muffitch informed one gutter press hack from the Bootleggers Gazette that the Bangkok affair, caught attempting to smuggle a veritable micro-zoo from Thailand to Dubai, was simply one of many coming to the attentions of InterPlod.

“Last month we had a shifty Levantine merchant by the name of Freddy Fagin pulled over by security and customs in Kenya at Nairobi’s Tom Mboya International Airport, booked for a flight to Jeddah in Saudi Arabia, when his oversized suitcase set the safety alarms off on the check-in baggage weighing scales – as the contents exceeded 500 kilos.”

“At first the customs security staff thought it was yet another simple case of ivory smuggling until they clicked after noticing the pachyderm’s trunk hanging out of one of the suitcase air holes. It’s a dead give-away when they book first class tickets to get the extra baggage allowance – then moronically forget how much an actual elephant weighs – definitely on the up-side of forty kilos.”

“Okay, you’ve all heard the stories of ‘drug mules’ coming through European airports with condoms of heroin or coke stuffed up their arseholes or minges. Acting on intelligence from our office, the Italian plods recently intercepted one group of slutty Namibian mules posing as tourists that landed in Rome on route to the shitty little Persian Gulf emirate of Al Qatar, who had a full colony of kidnapped meerkats, drugged out on ganja and stuffed up their main female orifice. Plus the Italian customs became suspicious of the women’s ‘incessant giggling’ and orgasmic paroxysms caused by the captive creature’s death throes as they regained consciousness and struggled, to no avail, to escape the stink of rotting kippers and gasp for air.”

However, as Ms Muffitch commented, the illicit trade in exotic animals is rife and global in scale. Only last week a gang of Jamaican monks from the Rastafarian Church for Latter Day Yardies on a pilgrimage to Eithiopia were apprehended at Kingston Airport while checking-in for a flight to Paris, en route to Addis Ababa.
A search of their baggage discovered several rare Hyacinth Macaws in a sedated state after one of the birds awoke and started calling out repeatedly, high in oath and typical ‘parrot-fashion’ - “Fuck the rumble in the jungle - Polly’s going on holiday!”

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

See links: http://giraffe in a golf bag.com/
: http://hippo in a hold-all.com/
: http://cormorant in a carrier bag.com/

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Fiji to Enter 2012 Eurovision Song Contest

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The results of last Saturday night’s 56th Eurovision Song Contest in Dusseldorf, which attracted 120 zillion brain-dead telly viewing ‘sheeple’ globally, have jolted a veritable plethora of whingepot sore losers to ‘up in arms’ mode, claiming that the actual ‘Euro’ in Eurovision should apply to EUSSR members - or at least European countries – and definitely not to the Central Asian Third World bunghole of a tip that won the competition – Azerbaijan.

John and Edward Grimey, the moronic Dickensian-sounding twins who hail from Eire’s County Dork, and perform under the name of Jedward – and for some mystifying reason managed to find fame (sic) on the X Factor - failed to win the contest’s final in Germany - finishing a piss-poor eighth out of a total of twenty-five entrants with their song ‘Dipshits’.

Jedward’s manager, Pikey Pete McScamm, told one Fourth Estate press hack from the Daily Shitraker “Yeah, wot the fuck’s goin’ on I’d like ter effin’ know – I had a whoppin’ big wager on wiv Paddy Bets that’s gone tits up. Me boys woz effin’ great an’ should have won – then yer gets this pair of twats from Azerbaijan takin’ first prize. I mean ter say like, Azerbaijan’s next ter Russia an’ the Caspian Sea an’ Iran an’ no-effin’-where near Europe - even as the crow flies - so how the fuck do they qualify?”

“Then yer got this other glitzy slut from Russia wot cum second – old big tits Miss Tekem Orloff – singin’ some spiked up Cossack vodka-swillin’ ditty written by that Morrocan Bellend bloke, wot’s Lady Gaga's raving fudger of a songwriter – an’ Orloff shouldn’t have bin in the competition either cos Russia’s not part of Europe either, is it – it’s in effin’ Russia.”

Regardless of the ridiculous spectacle presented by the Jedward twins - dressed in sparkling red jackets with padded shoulders and putting on a frenetic performance that left one wondering if they were suffering from a bout of St Vitus Dance, they obviously impressed the contest’s televoters and juries as much as they once did X-Factor panjandrum Simon 'Shitbag' Cowell when he quipped "They're a cloned pair of vile little shits who’d step on their own mother's head to have a hit.”

Graham Norton, the contest’s super-poofter commentator, who came across as being as funny as chemotherapy and as much idea about world geography as an Asbo NED yobette, told one media hack after the winning entry was announced, that he though Azerbaijan was one of the ex-Soviet bloc Baltic states – located somewhere between poxy Poland and Estonia.

Azerbaijan’s winning entry, ‘Mossad did 9/11’, was sung by radical Muslim minstrels Ell and Nikki (Ell Gasmask and Nikki Gammer) while the UK came in at a pitiful 11th place - with boy band ‘Sky Blue Pink’ singing ‘Fuck a Dead Pig’ – which contained a prophetic choice of lyrics, speifically: "We've never lost anything quite like this - but there's always a first time, lads”.

Bravo – a definite first for clairvoyance, intuition and prediction: Gypsy Rose couldn’t have done better with her crystal ball and a pot of tea leaves.

However, even Sky Blue Pink’s pathetic efforts were to be surpassed, for as the votes started to come in a note of embarrassment crept into Graham Norton's voice when Moldova - a place many viewers thought was the council estate where Dildo Baggins lived in Tolkien’s ‘Middle Earth’ - crept ahead with a group called Zdob si Zdub, whose vocalist Stanislaw Pissedoffsky sang their latest hit single ‘Dog Wankers’ - and whose bizarre MO involved wearing over-sized gnome’s hats and fielding a naked woman on a unicycle with no seat – wearing nowt but a shit-eating grin that’d put the Cheshire cat to shame.

Thought for the day: As Eurovision’s winning country is obliged to host the following year’s contest it’s obvious that 2012’s shebang is going to be held in the Islamic state of Azerbaijan’s capital of Baku – the only city in the shithole with electricity - and one fuck of a long way from Europe – especially by bike or on a bus.
This poses a geo-political dilemma that might be juxtaposed with last year’s bid by Tibet to join the EUSSR Common Market – in a desperate attempt to swap China’s Big Brother totalitarian jackboot on the back of their proverbial necks for that of Brussels.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit,

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

Driving Offence Excuses Win Comedy Award

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The results of a recent study carried out by the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money - in conjunction with the DVLA and National Traffic Police - reveal a damning catalogue of inventive reasons fielded as extenuating circumstances and vindication for committing a smorgasbord of driving offences.

A taxi driver racing through central London to reach the nearest public toilet and avoid shitting his pants, due a bout of Irritable Bowel Syndrome - and a woman rushing to the local pharmacy to buy a pack of Tampax before she bled to death - are two of the more credible reasons proffered for exceeding 100 mph in a build-up area - and parking in a shop doorway.

Chief Inspector Armitage Shanks of the National Traffic Police informed one press hack from the Porky Pies Gazette that “Some of the excuses motorists come out with to exonerate their transgressions simply defy belief and should be included in the script for a TV comedy show.”

“Last month my lads copped for an inquiry with the IPCC when some trollop with a people carrier, who’s hubby’s a bigwig at their local Freemason’s lodge, spit the dummy and filed an official complaint that she’d been subjected to harassment and victimisation after she was pulled over and ticketed as the four children sat in the back of her vehicle weren’t wearing seat belts – plus she was driving in the bus lane – to which she shot back at the mobile patrol officers with blatant arrogance: “They’re not my children - and I’m doing the school run today so I’m entitled to be in the bus lane.”

“For those too tight-fisted or lazy to have a Bluetooth device fitted, the instances of being tagged for using a mobile phone while driving are legion. One man so apprehended was asked by the police officer whether the call was an emergency, to which he replied: "Actually, no - my wife's in a horny mood and was calling to remind me to get a pack of C-cell batteries for her jolly jackrabbit vibrator and pop a couple of Viagra tablets before I get home."

One Smegmadale resident caught exceeding 120 mph on the south-bound carriageway of the M6 admitted his offence but attempted to vindicate himself by pointing to the back seat at his wife and mother-in-law - stating for the record “We’ve been at the Windermere Flower Show and they want to get back home in time to watch the X-Factor – so they keep nagging for me to go faster. I’m sorry for the speeding and changing lanes like a madman but I had quite a lot to drink over lunch.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.