Teacher Stasi to Scan Student’s Phones

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Plans concocted by the Libservative Coalition’s ‘Ministry of What Can We Fuck With Next’ to allow teachers in England to search pupils for mobile phones and examine their content have been termed ‘Fascist’ and ‘Gestapoesque’ by FUCKWIT, the national teaching union.
Bazzer McTwatt, the general secretary of FUCKWIT, told one reporter from the Thought Police Gazette that the proposed powers were disproportionate to the problem and will simply create further conflict between teachers and pupils - and their parents

However the government insists the totalitarian measures will help assert the authority of teachers - and allow them to deal with lax discipline problems in schools more effectively if they are further permitted to carry steel batons and firearms.
The new ‘Education Bill for England 2011’ is designed to give the teachers a legal right to search pupils and sequester their phones – and scan the phone’s content and delete any messages and pictures they deem ‘not nice’ – such as teacher’s wives getting voluntarily gang banged by the class gigolos in Doggers Wood.

Conversely many teachers have found themselves challenged by students and beaten to death when they’ve attempted to confiscate a cell phone – with one member of staff at the St Asbo’s School for Latter Day Scallies being discovered in a bloodied state and unconscious with a BlackBerry Torch 9800 slider phone rammed up his rear passage.
This coincided with calls for tighter controls on the use of mobile phones in schools after another teacher at St Asbo’s was cleared of the attempted murder of a pupil who refused to stop texting his drug supplier during the Religious Instruction class.

The sanctimonious Minister for Education, Morton Fuctifino, a former glove puppet operator who suffers from severe learning difficulties due spending most of his formative years stuck in traffic jams on the M25, and is known to friends and associates alike as a free-range moron, informed Pox News: “The new bill will empower teaching staff to search these Ned scrotes and yobette slappers, then confiscate and dispose of electronic equipment and data that is deemed offensive or radically subversive – as inappropriate images and messages on mobile phones are often used to bully and harass both pupils and staff – and we in government remain convinced it is essential we do what we can to protect everyone from this unacceptable 'politically incorrect' behaviour."

“Hence the enforcement of this new law will serve as a step in the right direction regarding the re-establishment of a rigid structure of discipline in our schools – and send a strong message that a teacher's authority must be respected – or the offending pupil might well end up in hospital – or the mortuary.”

The FUCKWIT union’s McTwatt had further comment regarding the Minister’s opinion, stating for the public record: “Fuctifino’s talking through his arse, telling us the measures in the new ‘March Madness’ Education Bill are being sold as a means of combating cyber-bullying but in reality they’re designed to keep a beady Big Brother eye on what anti-establishment activities pupils are up to.”

This point was agreed by Ms Chlamydia Mingerot, the secretary of the National Association of Shaggable Women Teachers (NASWT), and a qualified barrack room lawyer, who told a gutter press hack from the Fascist Weekly Review: “The government’s education authorities seem to perceive cellphone use as a form of anti-social behaviour – pretty much on a par with domestic terrorism – and thus have adopted this zero-tolerance Stasi style approach they are attempting to enforce on school kids.”

“Orwell wrote 1984 to provide insights of what a Dystopian state might manifest as, but he definitely never intended it to be used as a blueprint and instruction manual – Totalitarianism for Dummies - for governments to develop and enforce.”

“Really, it’s not so much a matter of Broken Britain anymore but Buggered Up Britain. Cabbage Patch Scameron and his Libservatives are out to create total disharmony and foster rebellion, hence providing the long-awaited excuse to justify draconic policing and control powers being taken off the shelf and imposed at last.”

“They’re out to fracture and fragment the very essence of our national identity with this ‘multicultural society’ crap and create dissent - a state of extreme confusion and agitation - bringing havoc and chaos – and last resort nihilism - out of order – which will justify their Big Brother intrusive surveillance and panopticon close-circuit society to keep tabs on anyone who has an individual and original thought – especially so the radical types, capable of thinking outside the ‘herd mentality’ box and who have the balls to question the why’s and wherefor’s of our lop-sided political and class system and resort to anarchy.”

“This is what Scameron and Co have been tasked with by their Rothshite sinecurist masters – this corporate political duopoly that has allowed big business interests and Shylock banksters to dominate our government. This is the purpose of the shifty cabinet Behavioural Insight Team - the Nudge Unit – to craft the creation and maintenance of a dysfunctional society – with the wholesale subversion of the British community on the agenda – through this engineered banking collapse and false recession scam to create mass unemployment and homelessness scenarios.”

“Just the same as they’re doing throughout this mess of pottage they call the 27-state EUSSR community - and that Kenyan cuckoo in the White House is doing in the United States. They’ve been ordered to disrupt and destroy the four major collective forces - the four pillars of our human identity - Race, Religion, Family and Nation.”

“There is no official and committed strategy to combat drug addiction or binge drinking – it’s all a sham and a scam. They want the sub-cultures and anti-social behaviour and Asbo’s to thrive. Just look at past history – getting the Red Indians and Australian aborigines – and many more ethnic groups besides – hooked on liquor. Once again, exampled by the corruption of China and their society by our own British government and vested corporate interests licensed by the Crown in the time of the Raj and the Opium Wars.”

“Alas, the majority of human behaviour is motivated by self-interest and not altruism, and Scameron’s government have been coerced by dark forces to ignore the social contract and responsibilities that should form the core of their entire political strategy in what they are supplying to a trusting and vulnerable public - who are unfortunately mesmerised by what they see on the goggle box and are as thick as two short planks generally.”

“Just imagine the implications for freedom if the British public used its numerical potential and advantage to say NO to the system and ceased to cooperate with its own enslavement. This government needs to be careful, for cometh the hour, then shall cometh the man, and then they need to watch out.”

Thought for the day: It would, in an ironic twist, be comforting to think that these things are all orchestrated by a sinister shadowy cabal of ZioNazi elitists. And there can be no doubt that the rich few always do profit from all these crises. However, perhaps the truth if far less comforting and a lot more disturbing as the people at the top haven't got a clue which way is ‘up’ – and no fucker or their dog’s actually in charge of this circus without a tent.

As Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle states: “We don’t know shit from shinola”.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.