Monday, 7 March 2011

Feeding London’s Homeless Criminalised

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Earlier this week, the elitist snobs comprising the Freemasonic ranks of London’s Tory-dominated Westminster Council, one of the richest and most well-heeled in Broken Britain, announced a Dickensian style bylaw to ban sleeping on the streets - or feeding anybody who does – including urban foxes, badgers, or the ubiquitous incontinent pigeons.

London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense recently told hacks from the red top tabloid gutter press that “Giving Biffo the tramp food and a bottle of Shite Lightning or meths only encourages him to be homeless. There he is every night, dossed out on a nice comfy bench in Hyde Park by the Serpentine with a couple of freebie newspapers for blankets. Bloody oicks.”

Conversely, members of the Knightsbridge ‘Do-Gooder’s Club’ are out to make a difference at all costs and against all odds.

23-year old Chlamydia Ffinch-Muffrott - (a political science and humanities graduate student at the London School of Economics, who spent her 2010 gap year interred in the Gaza Strip with the rest of the hapless Palestinian population - to seek enlightenment regarding moral empathy - and what it feels like to be gang raped by a squad of Israeli soldiers from the IDF's Renta-Thug Squad guarding the Nahal Oz border crossing) – grabs a trolley from one of the city centre’s Greedy Grocer branches and loads it up with goodies every evening – courtesy of Granny’s credit card - then heads down the city’s back alleyways distributing her largess.

Chlamydia and her ‘transvestite ‘friend’ Fellattia, told the media “We know all the homeless people who are camped out between this neighbourhood’s commercial wheelie bins after the rush hour begging sessions are over for the day. We know their anxieties, their foibles, and their jokes.”
“There’s the Somali bloke with the eye patch and hook for a hand who has a parrot called Jack Sparrow that can say “Cameron’s a Twat” – he won’t eat anything that isn’t haram and refused the caviar we bought from Mammon & Snobfords last week. Then we have Anton the Albanian Alkie who’ll only eat roast swan or Koi carp and needs a bottle of B & Q’s finest vintage methylated spirits every night with his cocoa and ginger nuts or he can’t sleep.”

“We’re down here every evening, apart from weekends when we go off to Monaco for a spot of gambling and hire one of those matador-type gigolos - or piss off to the Rega Pass on Daddy’s company Gulfstream to ski the slopes at Klosters. Believe me, there’s a new face every week and it’s getting worse as these draconian Libservative Coalition budget cuts hit every local council’s social services spending ability.”

“Take Claude for instance, a French poofter drug addict from Toulouse, whose English Army boyfriend was stationed in Afghanistan guarding the poppy crops and used to bring him back a kitbag stuffed with opium every time he came home on leave. Then the careless sod goes and treads on one of those IED land mine things and ‘Ka-Boom!’ – he’s hamburger – and Claude gets kicked out of their cosy little flat in Battersea and has to struggle to adopt to a life on the streets while suffering opiate withdrawal symptoms. Really, life is an absolute bitch for some.”

“I told Claude about this new Westminster Council legislation and the fact they believe he’s encouraged to stay on the streets and not look for work because we hand out free food and the odd bifta and a gram of snort or H. Poor Claude just shook his head as he looked down at the couple of pissy millilitres of multi-cut heroin juice in the syringe I’d just given him and asks “What fucking planet are these people on?”

Candida is a 17 year-old mother-of-three who has been out on the streets since last October.
“I worked round Soho floggin’ me golly ter rich Arabs since I woz 13, but after they shagged me up me bum every night fer a week last summer down at Doggers Wood in Keston, me sphincter got ruptured and prolapsed so I can’t turn any more three-holer tricks an’ wiv this effin’ recession no fucker’s interested in payin’ any more than £10 quid fer a blow job – so yer end up gobblin’ a dozen knobs a night an’ yer can only swallow so much jizz before yer feel like barfin’.”

“I couldn’t pay me rent on the flat we had at Slumborough Hamlets, then that Chancellor Georgie Osborne twat cut me housin' benefit down ter fuck all so I got chucked out an’ we woz all livin’ in a big cardboard box on the Crayford Marshes landfill site when global warmin’ went tits up an’ the new Ice Age kicked in last November. Anyways, I wakes up one mornin’ an’ two of me kids is frozen ter the Evenin’ Standard duvet and Baby Chantelle’s bin pecked ter death by seagulls – so I sez “fuck it” an’ come on back here ter the Big City ter beg a few bob an’ gam civil servant's cocks around Whitehall on a suck n spit basis.”

Westminster Council, being the converse side of the coin in this case, is taking action pre-emptively as they know mortgage foreclosures, evictions, homelessness and rough sleeping are about to sky-rocket as a direct result of Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron’s social welfare benefit slashing policies.

Under the inept leadership and de-industrialisation policies of PM Slaggie Twatcher in the 1980’s Britain became inundated with Cardboard Hamlets in every town due mass redundancies and evictions.

While the last New Labour government under Tony Bliar did some appalling things, like illegally invade Afghanistan and Iraq, order the assisted suicide of Dr David Kelly in the Grassy Knoll Woods, and sanction the false flag Muslim patsy terrorist attacks of 7/7 on the London subway system - they had at least one remarkable achievement in bringing the number of rough sleepers crashing down by a startling 75% - by establishing a unique Ministry for Rough Sleeping, and lavished money on it.
Homeless shelters became well-staffed with empathic professionals who had the time to listen, and the budgets to get street people the training and support they needed to become useful members of society and start living a decent life again.

Now all that is being dismantled as Posh Dave Scameron’s ‘Big Society’ campaign – spouting the “We’re all in the shit together” sound bite mantra - is slashing the money that was ear-marked for local council’s social services - who have the legal responsibility to house the homeless – and the result is entirely predictable as homeless hostels are closing – a call for revolution – and a gourmet recipe for a crime explosion.

The ones that remain open will be manned by a ‘skeleton staff’, run by Auschwitz rejects and emaciated anorexics - opening and shutting the hostel doors but not providing the support that actually gets people off the streets – with no fucker or their dog believing Scameron’s fairy tale claim that his Big Society volunteers will make up the difference.
Volunteers my arse. The definition of a ‘volunteer’ is someone who has totally misunderstood the question that was put to them.

Yet let’s not lose focus on the basic fact that none of this is happening out of financial necessity. All of these welfare benefit cuts to services for the homeless could have been stopped if Scameron and Osborne had moved one solitary figure on the budget spreadsheet - and taken the £1 billion in taxpayers’ money paid in bonuses to the Royal Bank of Scumland’s incompetent banksters, and ring-fenced it for the homeless instead. Ah well, that’s Scameronomics for you.

Hmmm, obviously Posh Dave’s Tory Party isn’t going to qualify for a Good Samaritan merit badge – or undergo a Pauline conversion on the road to Damascus. However he perhaps might when struggling up the hill to Calvary with the burden of a cross on his shoulder come the next election.

So much for the Nasty Party’s ‘Big Society’ when it criminalises homeless people for sleeping rough - and also sympathetic charitable types for feeding them – with threatened fines as punishment.

Thought for the day: In 2010 Westminster Council’s 33 directors and department heads were paid up to £3,755,769 quid between them — an average of £113,811 apiece.
The highest earner on this Fat Cat index was chief executive Mike More, who received a basic pay packet of £200,379 quid - plus a “deferred salary” or performance-related bonus - payable each April - of £22,264 – more than most blue collar workers earn annually pre-tax.

Twenty one of the officers can earn in excess of £100,000 if they receive their bonuses in full. CEO Mike ‘More-More-More’, finance director Barbara Moorhouse (up to £185,000) and customer services director Vic Baylis (£162,978) individually earn more than Tory Cabinet ministers who get a mere £144,520 to keep them insulated from fiscal penury and off the streets.
Further, to rub the voting public’s noses in it, blatantly published on Westminster Council's website are a list of benefits further bestowed upon officials – such as a pension, lease car, private health insurance and an annual season ticket loan.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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