Thursday, 3 March 2011

Pentagon cashes in on Mass Unemployment

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A report in this morning’s Warmongers Gazette reveals that the mounting unemployment rate and the O’Barmy administration slashing welfare benefits has provided the perfect opportunity for the pondscum Pentagon Joint Chiefs of Staff to kick start an all-out 2011 recruitment campaign to sign up more pukes for the military-industrial cabal’s illegal wars of aggression overseas - including the ongoing Operation SNAFU in Afghanistan and the proposed top secret Israeli / US Project FUBAR first strike against Iran’s nuclear facilities, planned for July now the evil ZioNazi Stuxnet computer virus has failed to shut down the uranium enrichment centrifuges and proved to be nothing more than a fucking nuisance.

The Pentagon’s JCS Chairman, Admiral ‘Mad Mike’ McMoron, a man who’s ego is so inflated it’s measured at the Force 8 + top end of the Beaufort wind scale, informed one reporter from the Warmongers Gazette that “All these bleeding heart liberals reckon war is hell, but thank God for Hollywood and our other mind control media stooges who’ve been providing the perfect dramatic setting against which courageous heroes win the hearts and minds of the shit-for-brains movie-going public – and all the dumb pukes who want to wear a uniform and play Rambo.”

“We here at the Pentagon recognise the propaganda power of these celluloid wet dreams and encourage Hollywood to create their bullshit myths; to rewrite history to suit US foreign policy strategy - and as a recruiting tool - to provide a steady flow of willing young unemployed cretins for the Taliban to use for target practice. Hey, never forget, any of these wars we kick-start – win or lose – it’s $$$ signs on the cash registers for our arms corporations.”

“No shit, we’re gonna need a fresh caboodle of recruits all round as occupation forces for Pakistan - and then Syria and Lebanon when the Israelis provoke their next little conflict there with Hezbollah.”
“We gave up on forward planning via the facility of 20/20 hindsight after every fucker and their dog found out that Israel and their hi-fiving Mossad imbeciles pulled off 9/11; so we tasked the geeks and nerds manning the RAND Corporation’s think tank to concentrate their efforts on the Neo-Con’s ‘Project for a New American Century’ and ‘Operation Endless Warfare’ programmes and stop fucking around with Rubik’s cubes and reading WickedLeaks posts.”

“Anyways, they came up with this brilliant idea of crashing the banking and mortgage systems and throwing millions outa work – with the surviving Rothshite-controlled banks cutting off credit and loans to start-up businesses. Then they got President O’Barmy to slash unemployment and welfare benefits – so these dumb jobless fuckers in the redneck states like Mississippi and Louisiana ain’t got nowhere else to turn for three square meals a day – especially now that BP have poisoned the Gulf’s seafood with crude oil and Coreshite 9500 - except Uncle Sam and the US Army.”

“Hey, and by golly, we sure as shit need a whole bunch of reinforcements for our 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment and the 18th Body Bag Brigade since the goldarn Taliban adopted that ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’ strategy the Israeli IDF’s Thug Squad use on the Palestinians trapped inside the Gaza Strip - and started picking our GI’s off like flies with sniper fire, suicide vest bombs and EID’s.”

Thought for the day: Are you currently unemployed with no work opportunities in sight? Have your jobseekers allowance and welfare benefits been cut? Did you see five-star General Hiram J Dorkberger on the goggle box doing the Army propaganda bit?
Are you thinking of going down the Army recruitment office next week and signing on the dotted line? If so, why not sign up as a guinea pig for one of Big Pharma’s DNA-morphing drug test programmes – or as a Monsanto GM Foods ‘Mutant Meals’ taster instead? Either way, at least you’ll get to die in the comfort of a hospital bed from something other than shrapnel or bullet wounds.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Rothshite crime syndicate and the AIPAC ZioNazi kikesters - and their New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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