Sociopath Pikey Dentist Struck Off

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Mr Costas Scrunt, who worked at the Bell End Dental Practice in Shitchurch, Slopshire, was this week summoned to appear before the General Dental Council in London on charges of breaking wind and belching in front of patients and his staff, and was subsequently found guilty, with the Council ruling such derogatory conduct required the immediate suspension of his registration ‘for the protection of the public’ – and that he be also struck off the UK Dental Register.

The 69-year old Mr Scrunt, an Albanian citizen who apparently trained as a dentist in Uganda, also swore and made "V-sign" hand gestures to patients and staff behind their backs – and actually demonstrated to one comely female patient - whom he described as a ‘tasty MILF’ - his ‘one-eared elephant’ trick – which apparently left her more amused than shocked or traumatised as she related to the Council “He pulled his right hand trouser pocket lining out and then undid the fly on his pants and flopped out his cock like an elephant’s trunk. I had to laugh as it was like a penis – only smaller.”

Scrunt faced a number of clinical and conduct charges, including dropping gnarly farts during appointments; belching like a warthog; telling one patient his breath smelled like he’d been eating dogshit and insulted another by commenting her teeth were the colour of a Turkish urinal; demanding patients pay up front in cash before providing treatment; squeezing his nurse’s boobs and buns – and scaring a female patient into hysterics by saying her teeth were okay but her gums had to come out.

Ms Fellattia Titwank, a trained dental nurse with over ten years clinical experience, told the Council inquiry that “Costas was a right grub, always groping my tits and arse and coming out with some disgusting sexual innuendo or the other – and telling me he really wanted to be a gynaecologist and play with women’s pussies all day instead of teeth. Plus he had this unsanitary habit of warming swan stew up in the surgery autoclave sterilizer then eating it in a tortilla wrap – that’s what gave him all the wind and his smelly farts.”

Ms Candida Mingerot, a Shitchurch resident, testified to the Council that “I only went in fer an effin’ check-up but old Scrunty insisted on giving me a general anaesthetic an’ when I woke up and went home I discovered me knickers woz on inside-out and back-ter-front – and me pussy and arse was all sore as well – like he’d poked both me holes while I woz out cold, the dirty old bastard.”

Following the General Dental Council hearing, Mr Scrunt was arrested by officers from the UK Borders Agency for being in the country without a valid visa or work permit – plus might well also face further police charges for impersonating a dentist and poaching the Queen’s swans.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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